


runaway

by forlornodeon



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-07 07:16:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4254297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forlornodeon/pseuds/forlornodeon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Got a light?“ Sansa opened her eyes rapidly, feeling a cool gaze. She turned her head and met a man’s ridged grey eyes that glimmered lightly green in the morning sun. Sansa was enchanted by his look. The way he looked at her made her feel naked and embarrassed but strong and excited at the same time. His eyes seemed to bore through hers and Sansa did not care. She wanted him to see her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> I know that I'm rich enough for pride, I see a billion dollars in your eyes,  
> Even if we're strangers til we die.

“Sansa,“ her mother called from downstairs,“breakfast is ready.“ “I’ll be right there,“ she shouted back and hoped her words would reach her mother down in the kitchen. She grabbed her bag rapidly and packed in her books and notepad as quick as possible. By looking in the mirror she recognised that her hair looked quite messy and that she had forgotten about putting any make up on. _Never mind_ , she thought, _it’s only uni not a catwalk_. However she admitted that she thought her look was kind of sexy. With her black skinny high waist jeans and her slightly cropped grey jersey, anybody would pay attention to her face. Even she has became a little cubby since Joffrey broke up their relationship, Sansa still had a very feminine shape. Her breast had become bigger and her hips were more than well marked. In the end, Sansa didn’t care. She loved lemon cakes too much. As she was about to leave her room to have breakfast she turned back promptly and caught her phone from her desk. She had received no messages. Last semester Joffrey would have texted her just about this time that he would wait in his Audi right outside her house to pick her up. But this semester there were no texts and no Joffrey to pick her up. Sansa had no car on her own. Her parents could not afford it since they paid her tuition fees. Her parents spent a tremendous amount of money for her education only because Sansa attended a private university. If her marks at school only had been better, she would have been able to go to a state university just like Robb and Jon did. They had a fun life, studying far away from home and getting enough money from their parents to spend it on alcohol. Whereas Sansa still lived at home, attending Highgarden, the university that everybody buys himself into, and working at a call centre to be able go shopping now and then. A car was a thing she just couldn’t afford. At least not at the moment.  
Her mother gifted her with a smile as Sansa hurried down the stairs. “You are late,“ her mother grinned and kissed her on the cheek,“ I’ll drive you. It’s your first day this semester, you shouldn’t be late.“ “There is really no need for that mum,“ Sansa answered and prepared her muesli. “I’ll drive you,“ her mother insisted. She placed a cup of coffee on the table and pushed it in Sansa’s direction . “With three lumps of sugar, as you like it,“ she added. Sansa gave her a grateful smile. Her mother was always so caring. She had been there for Sansa when Joffrey had told her on the phone that he was now fucking Margaery, her former best friend. All this was now three months ago just before exam period started. Sansa had been devastated and had cried all day. Her grades suffered from it and they were even worse than usual. She even failed the finance exam which is why she had to take the course this semester again. Sansa hated finance and she had hoped to only just pass the exam but Joffrey had gotten in the way.  
“When will you be back,?“ her mother asked. Sansa perused her timetable in her mind. She had only a finance and a marketing lecture this day and could be back home about midday. Nonetheless she didn’t not feel like coming back home so early. Sansa somehow felt guilty for leaving the house last and coming back home first. Her parents spent so much money on her and she just couldn’t act the lazy one. “I’ll try to be back for dinner,“ Sansa said with a considerate smile,“ I want to learn in the library after the lectures.“ Her mother escaped a laugher. “The semester only starts today, Sansa,“ she told her daughter with a lightly concerned voice,“ don’t put yourself under too much pressure.“ Then she kissed Sansa softly on the forehead.

Sansa finished her muesli in silence reading a beauty magazine. The articles about losing weight were especially interesting only that none of these advises ever helped her to lose any weight at all. Sansa had tried everything: jogging, working out, no carbs in the evening, no eating at all. A month ago she even had made herself throw up but she did not enjoy it at all and afterwards she had eaten more than she usually did. It was a hopeless case and Sansa had accepted her extra weight by now. When Robb and Jon had visited them at home, they had even told her that she looked much better this way, more womanly. Maybe her new body opened up new possibilities in the world of men and let her forget about Joffrey. But truth be told, Sansa was sick of men. Arya has tried to cheer her up during the semester break and had taken her to several parties thrown by her boyfriend Gendry. Gendry was a bit older than Sansa and there was no problem in catching sight of boys at her age. But in the end they all just wanted one thing - her body and Sansa hadn’t been willing to give it to them. _All men are equal_ , she thought since then, _equally stupid_! All men in the magazines looked so cool, they always looked so cool, and the women by their sides always looked so glamorous like they were born to be beautiful. Sometimes Sansa wished she would look like one of these entrancing women. If she had looked like this she would have had no need to study, she would just have to persuade a rich man to marry her. And who would reject her if she looked like this. Sometimes Sansa told Arya about these thoughts and her sister always laughed at her. Arya did not really understand Sansa. Arya always told her then, that she was more beautiful than all the girls she knew and that she should be happy being able to study instead of becoming a stupid housewife. Sansa thought that Arya had a point but Sansa was still too weak to admit it. Her sister acted more mature than her most of the time. Arya had been the trouble kid only two years ago but she had learnt her lessons. _When will I learn my lesson?_ Deep in her heart she still believed in true love and a knight that would take her away, away from all her troubles. But there was no knight. I have to be my own knight and step out of this misery myself. Sansa knew but yet did not transform to that emancipated beauty.

“Are you ready then,“ her mother asked handing Sansa her lunch bag. “Yes, just let me put my shoes on,“ Sansa banished her thought and took her lunch bag. Sometimes Sansa wished she could eat in the cafeteria with the other students but the prices that were charged were far too high. Joffrey had used to pay for her lunch but now….Never mind! Forget him. “I don’t want to rush you but….,“ her mother started and took her car keys. Sansa quickly slipped in her sneakers and smiled at her. “Let’s go then.“

The university was not very far away from her home. By car it was to be reached within fifteen minutes whereas it took half an hour with the train. Sansa always enjoyed taking the train to university because she had time to read there. At home she did not dare to open a book at least not a novel. She wanted her parents to think that she was a hard working girl and so she only opened books about economics or finance. She had given up painting since she had started to study and her mother sometimes asked her why she wasn’t using her watercolours anymore. Sansa did not know, she just did not feel like it and did not have time for it. All she did was studying, working and learning hoping she would become a good student but sadly in vain. How did her brothers manage to deal with all this? Robb and Jon had both pretty good grades and their parents were always so proud of them when they visited. Robb was about to graduate and would work for a huge international bank afterwards. In addition, he would marry soon. His fiancee was a tremendously pretty woman, lean and tall with big hazel eyes. Robb was probably the son every family wanted - he was perfect. The first born son of the Stark family was an utter success. And what about Sansa? She was the first born daughter ought to be an inspiring example for her sister. But Arya was stronger than her and Sansa felt like belieding her parents expectations - or maybe it were only her own expectations.  
During the car ride Sansa was silent and glimpsed out of the window with glassy eyes. Suddenly she just wanted to go back to bed and wrap her blanket around her. Her mother knew that she was upset. Sansa saw it in her eyes when she turned to her asking her if she should pick her up later. “I’ll take the train mum.“ Sansa smiled but it did not reach her eyes. Her mother treated her way too nice. She did not deserve that. “Fine,“ she replied,“ any special wishes for dinner?“ No Sansa did not have an idea what she wanted for dinner but she didn’t want to make her mother even more concerned by giving an absent answer, and just said she would like pasta. Her mother seemed content with her answer. As they arrived at the university parking place her mother stopped the car and gave Sansa one last cheerful smile. “See you later,“ she said,“ have fun.“ “I’ll try.“ Then Sansa left the car and walked across the parking area. She heard her mother starting the engine only when Sansa had almost left all the parking cars behind. She must have gazed at her in worry. _Don’t worry mum, I’ll be fine._ Sansa took her phone out of her bag and checked the time. There were still twenty minutes left till the finance lecture would start. Enough time for a cigarette. The idea of the taste of nicotine made her smile. Sansa wasn’t smoking on a regular basis but sometimes she just felt like it. While walking across the campus she rummaged around her bag trying to find her cigarette packet. She must have looked quite strange because some people frowned at her. She did not care. She knew that she was kind of an outsider because her parents were no millionaires. And now that she was no longer in a relationship with Joffrey things would not become much easier around here. _It’s only uni. Only a few more semesters and I’ll be gone and will hopefully never see one of these conceited bigwigs again_. She finally managed to find her cigarettes and grabbed them out of her bag. She stood outside the huge victorian building were all lectures were held when she picked her lighter out of her pocket. It was quite windy and Sansa had to hold her hand in front of the cigarette while lighting it to parry the wind. When she took the first puff she felt relieved. She closed her eyes and let the morning sun warm up her face. Everything around her seemed to fade away. There was just herself and her cigarette. She imagined her to be at a different place, maybe somewhere south although she liked the cold more than the heat. At this very moment she just wanted to get lost in the sea to find an isle where she could make off.  
“Got a light?“ Sansa opened her eyes rapidly, feeling a cool gaze. She turned her head and met a man’s ridged grey eyes that glimmered lightly green in the morning sun. Sansa was enchanted by his look. The way he looked at her made her feel naked and embarrassed but strong and excited at the same time. His eyes seemed to bore through hers and Sansa did not care. She wanted him to see her.  
He raised an eyebrow probably wondering if she was ever going to reply. Sansa pulled herself together, trying to resist his gaze. “Sure,“ she almost stammered. Sansa handed him the lighter out of her pocket. He took it with a slight smirk on his face and muttered a little thank you as he lit the cigarette in his mouth. Then he passed the lighter back to Sansa, his eyes still fixed on her. Sansa blushed by his gaze and felt abashed, like a little girl she did not want to be. All of he sudden he averted the eye contact and took a deep puff. As soon as his gaze left Sansa felt like out of trance again. She put her lighter back in her pocket and took a pull on her cigarette. Commonly asking one for a lighter eventuated either in having an animated conversation, which mostly happened on parties, or in never seeing the counterpart again. Sansa doubted that they would have a lively chat within the next few minutes and so she concluded that this time would be the last time she would ever see him. A light sadness hit her. She dared to observe him to take in all the vibes. He was wearing a dark grey suit, which looked quite expansive, and instead of wearing a tie the superior buttons of his shirt were undone. He appeared classy like one of these men in the magazines Sansa had only thought about this morning. She could not tell how old he was. His hair was dark and thick but there also were grey strands right above his ears. He had a few wrinkles here and there but something about him did not let him appear as old as he must have been resting upon his outward appearance. He radiated a young spirit full of curiosity. Who was he? Sansa wasn’t impressed by the outrageously expansive clothes, everyone at this university could afford such suits, but his ripeness let her doubt that he was a bachelor degree student like her. _He is probably doing his doctorate._ Sansa got to like the idea that he was a PhD student and smiled contently into her next pull on her cigarette. _I’ll keep him in mind as the handsome PhD student that asked me for a lighter._ She wondered if she would be stick in his memory too and if she was, how would he remember her. Would she be the embarrassed little ginger girl or the girl with the lighter that wore no make up nor expansive clothes. No matter what name Sansa invented for herself, she was always a girl. It was a simple fact that she had not acted very womanly in front of him by blushing and glaring at him. Anger rose somewhere deep inside her. She did not want to be remembered as a girl - not by him.  
Sansa took another pull and tried to see how the land lies. A bunch of students were entering the building now. They were all chatting and laughing. Their world is always so perfect. Sansa had still no plan figured out how she could change the man’s mind about her but as Sandor headed her way, she knew exactly what to do. One last time she checked the man’s location. He had slightly been walking around while he was smoking but he was still close enough to hear her and, above all, see her. Then she focused on Sandor. He was a tall handsome boy and Sansa was aware of the fact that he had a thing for her. Sansa lightly smiled. This game would be easy to play. She decided not to greet him in the first place. _Makes me more desirable._ “Hey Sansa,“ Sandor saluted her with a huge grin on his face. “Hi,“ she only replied while stroking a flick of hair behind her ear,“how was your holiday?“ “Fine, I guess.“ Then Sandor started a lively monologue about his holiday in Singapore but Sansa wouldn’t listen. She beamed at him, nodding with her head once or twice, acting like she would take a great interest in his words but the only thing she cared about was the smoking man in the grey suit. She risked a glance at him. He had come closer again. Sansa was satisfied knowing that he had his attention. “We should probably get inside,“ Sansa said after Sandor had stopped talking. Sandor smiled in agreement and they both headed toward the entrance of the building. Sansa took one last pull of her cigarette and then squashed it in the ashtray right beside her. On doing so, somehow a few books dropped out of her bag (of course by accident). “Silly me,“ Sansa remarked and gave the impression to bend down to pick her books up from the floor. As planned, Sandor was already on his knees gathering all her books. “Thank you,“ Sansa whispered sweetly and lightly bit her underlip when Sandor handed them back to her. However it were not Sandor’s eyes she met while giving thanks to him. It were his eyes, appearing more green than grey at this very moment. Sansa eyed him in a tempting and innocent way whereas he only gazed at her in acknowledgement, but still there was something joyful twinkling in his eyes. Sadly it was a short moment their eyes met but a very intensive one. Now he won’t remember me as a girl. Sansa turned back to Sandor and they walked towards the entrance getting lost in the crowd of students. Sandor held the door open for her and she dared to look for the man one last time. He still stood there grinning in his last pull on his cigarette. _Goodbye mysterious PhD student._  
As Sansa and Sandor entered the building it was extremely noisy all over the place. There were chatting students everywhere. They laughed loudly, talking about their success last night in the club and referring to their brand new cars or bags. _The only things these kids care about are money and sex_. How she hated them. _Can’t they just go to their lectures in a behaved way._ “Where are you heading,?“ Sandor asked as Sansa was about to enter the main lecture hall. “Oh,“ Sansa stumbled. It was still embarrassing for her to admit that she hadn’t passed the finance exam. “I have to do finance again.“ “You did not pass it?“ Sandor seemed surprised based on his look. “No, I didn’t,“ she only replied in constraint. “I see,“ Sandor tried to cheer her up and laid one of his big warm hand on Sansa’s shoulder,“ The split-up with Joffrey probably made you feel lower than I expected.“ Joffrey. She did not want to hear this name anymore. Sansa didn’t feel like saying another word and only cut Sandor a look. “Well, I’ll be off to asset management. See you later in marketing,“ Sandor dismissed. She did not even smile at him as a goodbye, she only turned around and entered the lecture hall.

The fact that she did not know any student in this hall consoled her. She was one semester ahead and all these students would not judge her by the break-up with Joffrey. Sansa searched for an empty seat in the hall but it was already quite crowded and there were only a few seats left in the front. Sansa realised that she had never sat in the front before. The last semesters she had spent with Margaery, Loras, Renly and Joffrey in the back rows. Joffrey. She breathed in slowly as if new air would clear her mind. Forget him. Sansa sat down at the next available empty seat and found herself placed next to a girl with long brown hair and an intimidated look. Usually, approaching strangers wasn’t Sansa’s cup of tea but this girl radiated such a helplessness that Sansa would have felt guilty if she hadn’t talked to her. “May I ask you if you could lend me a pen,“ Sansa asked her,“ I have forgotten my entire writing stuff at home.“ Of course she had not but she did not know what to say to her instead. The girl beamed at her like Sansa had saved her out of agony. _Maybe she is just an outsider - like me_. “Sure,“ the girl smiled and handed Sansa her pencil case,“ take whatever you want.“ Sansa chose a usual biro and thanked the girl. “I’m Jeyne,“she introduced herself. There was something about Jeyne that made Sansa feel comfortable in her own skin. “Sansa.“ And as Jeyne smiled at her, Sansa suddenly knew what was so charming about this girl. It was her honesty. An honest smile was a rare thing around Highgarden and Sansa was appreciative of it. “I haven’t seen you last semester…,“ Jeyne started to point out. “I’m actually one semester above,“ Sansa explained,“ I just failed the finance exam and that’s why I’m here.“ Jeyne gifted her with an encouraging look. “Don’t worry,“ she heartened,“ you’ll pass this semester.“ Jeyne's words indeed let Sansa believe that she would pass the exam. Actually she had to pass it, instead she would be exmatriculated. “I’m sorry if I offend you but I’ve heard that this lecture would actually be quite easy to pass,“ Jeyne started,“ they say Professor Arryn is old enough not to care if students really learn something and he just lets all students pass.“ Jeyne was right. Professor Arryn was old, and yes, he did let every student pass, except her. Even Professor Arryn hadn’t been able to whitewash her results in the exam. Sansa had been the only one last semester who did not pass the exam, and probably was the only one who ever failed an exam created by Professor Arryn. “It is true,“ Sansa cleared her throat,“ it was very easy but I just wasn’t very….well the day we…“ There was no need for Sansa to end her sentence. Jeyne got it right away. “I know these days,“ she said and Sansa believed her.

All of a sudden all chatting and laughing around them vanished. Professor Arryn must have entered the lecture hall but when Sansa turned away from Jeyne toward the teacher’s desk it was not Professor Arryn she caught sight of. Her heart skipped a beat and for a few seconds she wasn’t able to breath. The man, whom Sansa believed to never see again in her entire life, was leaning his hip against the desk with hands in his suit pants pockets. The lecture hall was silent as a crypt. “Good morning,“ he said with a deep distinct voice,“ I’m Mr. Bealish and I’m going to give this lecture this semester.“ In an instant a girl in the front row raised her arm dying to ask a question. „Yes,“ Mr. Baelish picked her. „Professor Baelish, Sir,“ the girl nervously started,“where is Professor Arryn? He is always giving this lecture.“ A faint smile played about the man’s lips and he dropped his head like he would chose his next words very carefully. Something about his moves made Sansa feel beyond excited. She was more anxious what was about to come. Mr. Baelish raised his head again and announced:“ At first, I’m not a professor, scholar or anything like that so don’t call me like I would be.“ His words cut through the thick air like a fresh forged knife would cut through cheese. “Secondly, it is none of my business to tell you where Professor Arryn is. Telling you or not would not change the fact that he’s not here, so you better get used to my face.“ A few of the students laughed at his rather dry joke. However the laughter died when Mr. Baelish turned around to connect his Macbook with the projector. Murmurs arose. She heard people wondering where Professor Arryn was and girls nattering about how handsome Mr. Bealish was. Sansa suddenly blushed. She was ashamed of the fact that she had tried to flirt with him just a few minutes ago. How on earth would she had known that he was her new teacher in finance. When he had asked her for a lighter he had only been a handsome elegant man whom Sansa was enchanted by and she also had thought, judging by his last look, that he might had had an interest in her too. Only a few minutes ago she had hoped to see this man again at some time, but at this very moment she wished she hadn’t. And still she felt a little jealous when she heard the other girls thinking him handsome.  
The crowd of students became louder and louder by every second passing. Mr. Bealish walked around the desk with his arms folded across his chest. “If you have any questions you could just simply ask me,“ he noticed with a smirk on his face. Once again, a few students laughed and this time a few girls sighted by the sound of his voice. As everyone felt silent he nodded his approval and opened up the slide on the projector. “There is another thing I want to clarify straight away,“ Mr. Baelish declared,“ It has been brought to my attention that passing this course has been quite an easy thing to achieve under the guidance of Professor Arryn.“ Time seemed to hang suspended and anyone in the entire hall seemed to breath. “This won’t be the case under my guidance.“ In the blink of an eye the silence turned into blustering noise. Students complained vehemently about Mr. Baelish by screaming loudly about how unfair it would be to not treat them like Professor Arryn used to do. There was utter chaos and Mr. Baelish was its commander. Sansa only sat there shaking, starring at Mr. Baelish. He only seemed to be amused by the turmoil, Sansa saw it in his eyes - his green eyes that casted a spell over her. By his next blink, his eyes met hers again only in an instant, which was enough for him to tell her that he recognised her. Did Sansa only surmised that he was glad to see her or was he indeed pleased to see her again. Sansa melted away as his eyes left hers. This man would be her ruin.


	2. on fire

It started to rain as Sansa swiftly left the victorian building. Rain drops entangled in her eyelashes and rolled down her cheeks. The finance lecture had been a sheer torture. She hadn’t been able to focus on the content but had only starred at Mr. Baelish. His deep voice had been echoing through the lecture hall like a prayer. Usually students tend to chat and giggle during a lecture, but Sansa hadn’t heard any other voice than Mr. Baelish’s and any other noise than the clicking of his pointer. Whereas all students must have been rather intimidated by his introductory speech and focused on the lecture in fear to miss any word Mr. Baelish spoke, Sansa had been traumatised by his voice. She had heard him speaking and hadn’t been able to listen. His voice had provoked far too many emotions she hadn’t known yet. Somehow everything about him flattered her. The way he had walked to the teacher’s desk to take a sip of his coffee had been the most elegant way of walking Sansa had ever experienced. He wasn’t really tall and still he radiated a greatness that Sansa had never sensed before. She had always thought Benedict Cumberbatch to be the most elegant man on earth but since she had met these green grey eyes she was retuned. On the one hand she lionised him, but on the other hand it scared her how much power this man had over her even they had barely spoken to each other. In addition, her stomach had cramped every time his eyes had been close enough to met hers. However, he hadn’t gifted her with another gaze. Everything about this man made her feel strange, like she wasn’t herself anymore. She had hated the girls that raved about boys they fancied and during the lecture, she had turned into one of these girls herself. Daydreams had been stuck in her mind. She had wanted him to ask her into his office after the lecture so she would have had a chance to speak with him in private. She had wanted him to dart longing looks at her. Her cheeks had blushed by her thoughts. Embarrassed of herself Sansa tried to stop her stream of consciousness. It had dawned on her that this man probably didn’t fancy the kind of girl who is daydreaming. A strong man needs a strong woman, it had come to her mind and she wasn’t a strong woman, not yet. And why had she actually ruminated if she would match him.

The rain outside cooled her a little down. Sansa had decided not to attend the marketing lecture. The air was too thick in the lecture hall and by staying at university there was a possibility to meet him again. Only the idea of seeing his face again drove her crazy. I need a cigarette. But as soon as she picked her lighter out of her pocket her heart skipped a beat. It was this very lighter he had touched. _Don’t be stupid! Why do you act so childish._ Of course Sansa knew the answer to her question but did not even dare to think of it. She lit her cigarette and took a deep buff. And as she breathed out she convinced herself that she would also get him out of her head. What to do now? Sansa had told her mum that she would be back for dinner, she just couldn’t go back home and hide under her blanket with a tub of ice cream watching a Woody Allen film. She had to kill some time till she would return back home. Like she has told her mother this morning she could just go to the university’s library and study. No, what if she met him there. What if he had decided to go to the library as well. One thing was clear, she had to get out of Highgarden and the suburbia. In a flash, she knew where she would go. Sansa squashed her cigarette into the ashtray and made her way to the bus station.

She did not have an umbrella with her and her clothes started to become damp like her hair already was. However, Sansa did not mind. She enjoyed a little shower. It made her feel clean, like it would wash all her sins away. Deep inside her gut the feeling of guilt had spread. She had lied to her mother this morning that she would be studying till evening, that she would be a darling daughter. She had deceived herself that she would make a good start in this semester. And last but not least, she had flirted with her teacher and still felt inexpressibly about him. But all her guilt was washed away by the rain and Sansa looked forward to the bus station. There was a bus about to come in and Sansa quickened her steps. As she got inside the bus, it started to rain cats and dogs. _Lucky me_. A little smile escaped her lips. It would only take about five minutes till she would reach the train station to town so she decided not to pack her iPod out but to listen to the rain pounding against the window. The sound was steady and she almost did not hear the bus engine. Sansa closed her eyes trying to blind everything around her out. Her breath became more equable and she did not hunch her shoulders anymore. You have to be calm as still water, Arya had once told her. At that very instant Sansa understood the meaning of her words. She opened her eyes again and beheld trees passing by. How she would have loved to sit underneath the great oak in their garden with a good novel at this moment. Her father used to read to her when she was still a child, while they leaned with their backs against the big old stem of the oak. She had always been enchanted by the stories he had read to her. They had been about knights and princesses and about the good defeating the evil. Sansa had always told her father that she would be a princess one day and that she would marry a handsome young knight. Her father had only smiled at her, stroking through her beautiful auburn hair and telling her that one day she might find her prince but that he would probably not look like the one in the picture books. Sansa had always laughed at him. “Daddy,“ she had told him,“why should they paint something in the books that is not true?! Princes only look like this, instead the author would be a liar.“ Nowadays she knew that all these stories were lies. The break-off with Joffrey had taught her that. Joffrey had just looked like the prince in the picture books. Golden hair, blue eyes and he was rich. The first time he had kissed her under a mistletoe when they had walked over a christmas market. Everything had seemed so perfect. But all his words had been lies. He had only wanted to take her maidenhead to win a bet he had made with Ramsay. It was disgusting. Loras had told her right after Joffrey had called her to tell that he had fucked Margaery the other night and all of a sudden had recognised that he loved her. Loras had sympathised with Sansa and felt like it had been his duty to tell her the truth. As soon as Loras had told her, Sansa had understood everything. She had understood why Joffrey had written her on Facebook just out of the blue, why he had rushed in their relationship and why he never wanted to meet her parents. Sansa’s heart had been broken. Everything she had ever believed in, the prince falling in live with the beautiful maiden, had been untrue. Her father had read lies to her and she had believed them. Loras wanted to help Sansa getting over this, offering her to join Renly and him on their trip to Italy. But Sansa had refused. Loras was still Margaery’s brother and something about his eyes had constantly remembered Sansa of her. About ten postcards from Italy had hit her home during the semester break from every town Loras and Renly had travelled to. Sansa still kept them in her Louboutin shoe box under her bed where she only kept things that were precious to her. Sometimes she regretted that she had not joined them, but regret already took up too much time in her life and so she tried not to think about it any longer. Loras had texted her only yesterday if she would like coffee with him within the next few days. Sansa hadn’t replied yet.

The bus stopped and Sansa left it, heading towards the train station. Fortunately the next train to the city would come in two minutes. The train only went by every half an hour. She had already feared that she maybe had to wait twenty minutes or else in the rain. _Lucky me_. As the train came in, Sansa entered it quickly eager to find a seat. It would take her another twenty minutes to reach the city and she wanted to doze a bit. The train wasn’t very crowded and Sansa was able to sit as soon as the train started to head off to the next station. She unwrapped her iPod and plunged her in-ears in by pressing shuffle. Her head was already leaned against the trains window as Lana Del Rey began to sing.

They say I'm too young to love you  
I don't know what I need

Sansa closed her eyes and wanted to get lost in the music. But as soon her eyes were shut she realised how tired she really was. Why am I so tired? It must have been the pressure she carried on her shoulders and everything that just happened. It was too much. She had to get used to the fact that she would never sit with her ’friends’ in the back row in the lecture hall again and that she had failed not only the fiancee exam but her parents and most of all herself. Sansa wanted to become a bright student like Robb and Jon were. But she failed and instead of studying hard she was on her way to the city.

I'm a Brooklyn baby,  
I'm a Brooklyn baby

Sansa was about to fall asleep and dark shadows shaped in front of her closed eyes. They deformed into a face, she hoped she would never see again. His green grey eyes looked daggers at her. She wanted to escape but she knew that she was already locked up in her dream and she was too tired to wake up again. She fell deeper and deeper into his eyes. He made her feel hot and cold at the same time but as he reached out for her she suddenly was on fire.

They say I'm too young to love you  
You say I'm too dumb to see

The deep blue sea caught her and all the aching flames extinguished. At first the cold water streams felt like silk around her but soon she wanted nothing more than to breach the water surface to breath in fresh air. The faster she swam the more the surface distanced. She would drown. A strong arm pulled her out of the water. It was her father. He looked at her in disgust and let go of her.

They judge me like a picture book  
By the colours like they forgot to read

She fell again till she was in his arms again. He stroke through her auburn hair and set her on fire again. However this time the flames did not hurt her but made her feel strong.

Sansa opened her eyes abruptly. The houses she depicted from outside the train told her that she was close to the station she should get off. Her dream only felt like seconds but she must have slept the whole ride to the city. She packed in her iPod and wrapped all her stuff together as she hopped off the train. Breathing in the soiled city air made her feel alive again. Sansa loved the city. The lot of people around her made her feel undetected and not looked at. Why did her family live in the exurbs of the city? Why didn’t she just rent a small flat in the city? _You don’t have the money, silly, remember!_ She would be so much happier here, not being surrounded by all these rich superficial people. However, for the moment she had be content with living at home with her family in the rich suburbia.  
The rain hadn’t stopped yet and Sansa started to run through the streets. All her clothes were already soaking wet and she somehow felt cold by now. _I need a chai tea….and a slice of lemon cake - maybe two._ Sansa stopped in front of a small book shop and rushed in there. It was a very small and old bookshop with a high ceiling and dark victorian book shelves that almost reached it. The only source of illumination was a chandelier, which created a cozy atmosphere. As soon as she entered through the heavy door, Sansa recognised familiar steps heading towards her. “Sans,!“ a friendly voice called out to her. “Randa,“ Sansa greeted her and hugged the short buxom young woman. Her brown eyes told Sansa that she was glad to see her. “How can it be, that you never have an umbrella with you,“ Randa laughed,“ come sit by the fireplace, I just lit it.“ Sansa followed Randa through a great wooden doorway, where she would find dark brown leather armchairs, a fireplace and more book shelves. “Sit down,“ Randa offered her,“ would you like something to drink?“ Sansa sat down on a leather chair while nodding. “A chai tea would be pleasing,“ Sansa answered. Randa smiled at her. “I’ll bring a slice of lemon cake too. Just in case you might feel hungry.“ A grin escaped Sansa’s lips. Randa knew her too well. Sansa has been coming to that bookshop since she had started to study. She would visit almost every second day, during the semester breaks she even visited more often. It was not only the atmosphere Sansa liked about the shop but also the chats with Randa and her fiancee Harry did her good. They were the only people she could have a conversation with about literature, art and theatre. Of course during the last months Sansa and Randa often talked about Joffrey but sometimes they were just analysing books while having tea and cake (mostly lemon cake).  
Randa came back with a huge glass of chai tea and two plates with a slice of lemon cake. Randa placed the one with the bigger slice on it next to Sansa, who couldn’t stop herself from taking a bite. Randa has not even sat down on the leather chair next to her, when the fresh taste of lemon and vanilla filled Sansa’s mouth. Randa did not seem to care. Sansa always had the feeling that Randa just liked her the way she was and Sansa did not need to act in front of her. This book shop was her haven. “Where is Harry,?“ Sansa wondered taking another bite of her lemon cake. “You don’t know?“ Randa seemed a bit confused. “What don’t I know?!“ Randa put down her fork and laid a hand on Sansa’s knee. Her hand felt warm and strengthening. “Harry is on your uncle Jon’s funeral,“ Randa said in a more serious tone,“ I know your mother had broken up contact with your aunt but I thought in such case they would pull themselves together and talk to each other. I’m so sorry Sans.“ Rand’s words hit Sansa like a thunder. Her uncle, Jon Arryn, was dead which explained why he hadn’t been able to give the finance lecture this morning. He would never give any fiancee lecture at all. Sansa did not feel sad. She barely had contact to her aunt Lysa and Jon Arryn. Her mother and Lysa had had a row even before Sansa was born which had them made break up contact. Sansa had given up to get an answer from her mother what exactly made them break up. Sansa had never met her aunt and the first time she had met her uncle was when he had entered the lecture hall to give the finance class last semester. The fact that he was teaching finance didn’t make her like him and the fact that he hadn’t let her pass the exam didn't change her feelings toward him. No, Sansa did not feel sad when Randa told her that Jon Arryn was dead. Sansa didn’t feel anything at all.  
“I did not know him,“ Sansa just said,“ how’s Harry? He was quite close to him, wasn’t he“ Randa nodded silently. “Well, he knew it would happen sooner or later,“ Randa replied,“Harry’s fine. They are just having a quarrel about who is going to lead Jon’s enterprise. Jon wanted to inherit his firm but his son Robin is still a child and all the lawyers urge Harry to absorb his company.“ Sansa raised an eyebrow. “And will he?“ “Of course not,“ Randa laughed,“ how should Harry run a finance consultancy. He doesn’t know a thing about finance and all he ever wanted was to run this little book shop with me. They need to find someone out of family to run this company.“ Sansa sweetly smiled in her glass of chai tea. Harry was such a romantic. He loved Randa with all his heart. Sansa hoped one day she would find someone who loved her as much as Harry loved Randa. “Well, my uncle’s death explains why he hadn’t been giving the finance lecture this morning,“ Sansa began,“ you should have been at the lecture hall. All students were pissed off by the new professor, including me.“ “What crime has he committed that he shall be hated by every student?“ “Well, he made it quite clear that it wouldn’t be as easy to pass the finance exam as it was under the guidance of Professor Arryn.“ “I like this man,“ Randa smirked,“ he wants to see all these stupid little bigwigs stuffer, teaching them that they can’t buy themselves into everything. You ought to like his cruelty. He wants to shave all these students you despise so very much.“ Sansa had to admit that Randa had a point. “Well, if I weren’t one of these students who have to pass the exam, I might have considered to like him.“ All of a sudden Sansa cheeks heatened up again remembering Mr. Baelish’s affirmative gaze at her. “Sansa, dear, are you blushing,?“ Randa asked with sudden great interest. Sansa just whispered a shy ‚no’ and took another bite of her lemon cake. “Oh you are,“ Randa pointed out,“ so what is it about this new sadistic finance professor that makes you blush?“ “It’s nothing, Randa, I just…..“ “You can’t lie to me, little dove,“ Randa interrupted her,“ tell me or I swear I’ll question you all night.“ Sansa swallowed the piece of lemon cake in her mouth and took a deep breath. “I think I flirted with him.“ “What,?!“ Randa shrieked out. “I did not know he was my finance professor,“ Sansa explained herself,“ He just asked me for a lighter when I smoked outside the lecture building. When our eyes met, I….I felt something. Well, he made me feel something. His look hit me like a lightning bolt. There were so many vibes. I though he was a PhD student or something like that.“ Randa smiled from ear to ear “And how did you flirt with him.?“ “I used Sandor to show him that I am a…. desirable woman.“ Sansa almost laughed at her words. They sounded so stupid said aloud and Randa agreed based on her outbursting laugher. “What did you actually do to make you appear desirable? Let him pick up your books that fell on the floor by accident?!“ Sansa blushed and nodded shyly. “He must have liked the way I played Sandor resting upon his look he gave me when Sandor picked them up.“ Randa covered her face with her hands. “Oh Sans,“ he laughed,“ you made my day!“ “Do you think I acted childish,?“ Sansa asked suddenly a little unsure about her actions. “No not childish. But you told him in the most obvious way that you have the hots for him.“ Randa calmed a little down by breathing out slowly. “Do you,?“ Randa suddenly asked. “Do I what?“ “Do you think he’s hot?“ Sansa nervously took a nip of her chai tea. How should she answer this question? Mr. Baelish had left behind a big question mark in her mind. On the one hand, she just couldn’t deny that he was very attractive even he must have been around her mother’s age, but on the other hand, she just did not want to be disappointed again. If she would admit in front of Randa that he made her feel flattered there would be no way back. Randa would tell her to go for him and at the end of the day Sansa would be convinced that she had a thing for him. However, he would never have a thing for her because she only was one of his young silly students and he was an admirable seasoned man. In the end, she would only be gutted again. But judging on Randa’s look she already knew how Sansa felt towards him. Randa was always able to read through her mask. “Wait and see, love,“ Randa guided her,“ but you can’t deny that you have a glint in the eye when you think of him.“  
The next few hours Sansa just kept sitting on the leather chair reading the books Randa had recommended her. They were not able to talk the whole day. Randa ran the book shop and she had costumers to serve and books shelves to be tidied up. However, Sansa was just fine with sitting in front of the fire with her third slice of lemon cake and her books. As she was about to begin a new chapter she glanced at the huge wooden clock next to the fire place. It was six by now and dinner would start at seven. She hat to go. Sansa wrapped up all her thing and thanked Randa for the nice afternoon. “See you tomorrow then,?“ Randa asked her. “Dunno,“ Sansa replied,“ I have to work tomorrow and have uni in the afternoon. Maybe I come around the day after tomorrow.“ “Alright,“ Randa smiled and dismissed her with a warm hug,“ enjoy your dinner.“  
Sansa ran though the narrow street in hope she would catch the train back home at 6:10. The rain had stopped by now and Sansa’s clothes were dry again. The sun was about to set and Sansa felt the city coming alive around her. How she loved the nights. Another thing she liked about the city. Whereas everyone went to sleep at night, the city would just awake. If she hadn’t need to get up in the morning so early she would just be awake the whole night reading books and watching films.  
In the last nick of time Sansa hopped into the train and sat down watching out of the window. She would be punctual for dinner.


	3. still waters run deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it has taken me a while to finish this chapter. My exams start in a few days and I should actually lock myself up and study but at the end of the day I always find myself writing on my mac. Hope you enjoy! :)

At exactly eight past seven Sansa unlocked the front door. She already heard laugher and chatting. The Stark family has never been an incommunicative one and wasn’t ashamed to show. Sansa escaped a light smiled as she doffed her shoes. She had always liked the way her family talked. They spoke with loud voices most of the time, yes, but the words they spoke were honest with no hint of lies. By strolling down the entry floor the voices even became louder and she identified Robb’s. Why was he at home? He should have arrived not until the next few weeks. However, Sansa was glad that his brother was around. There was no need in playing the eldest child when he was around. Sansa entered the dining room. The whole room fell silent for a moment and she felt every pair of eyes on her. “I’m sorry I’m late I just got…,“ Sansa tried to explain herself but her father’s look told her there were no need for excuses. “You’re just in time for the last two meat balls,“ her father teased her. As Sansa sat down the whole family listened to Arya, who wanted to finish a story about how many goals she had shot while playing played football with the boys as the only girl in sport class. “It is ridiculous how pusillanimous all these pretty boys are,“ she finished,“ they do not even dare to straddle.“ Sansa piled a mountain of noodles on her plate and put the meat balls on top. She was hungry. The three slices of lemon cake hadn’t been very filling.  _I’ll be a fat walrus sooner than I had expected._ “Jon must have been quite a good  football teacher,“ Robb pointed out with a smile on his face. “He is the best player in his university football team,“ Bran remarked proudly,“ when I’m at university I’ll be the best football player too.“ Ned Stark ruffled through his son’s hair. “That will take a while.“ Sansa scooped a fork with spaghettis into her mouth in hope noone would ask her how her day was and how all her lectures were. She did not feel like talking. She did not feel like lying. But in the end, there was no way getting out. “How was your first day this semester,“ her mother asked. She was seated next to Sansa and gazed at her in interest. “Well, it was….,“ _unbearable, horrible, disgraceful_ ,“…fine, I guess.“ Sansa shoved a new portion of noodles in her mouth. Chewing was better than talking. She glimpsed at Arya - her sister would understand, her sister would help her out of this situation. “And the lecture,“ her mother started again,“ was everything okay….“ “Oh mum,“ Arya stopped her,“ can’t you see that Sansa is hungry. She had been working hard all day.“ With a hint of a smile Sansa thanked her sister. “Of course, I’m sorry, dear,“ her mother apologised in an instant with touch of guilt in her voice. “It’s okay. Arya is right I’m just very hungry,“ Sansa laughed knowing that her words wouldn’t be enough to comfort her,“ we have a new finance professor though. I don’t know why Professor Arryn is not giving the finance lecture anymore, everybody was quite flustered.“ This was her first lie this evening. Sansa knew that her uncle was dead but if she let this cat out of the bag she would also have to tell that she had cut the marketing lecture and studying in the library - no good idea at all. In addition, she minded to call uncle Jon Professor Arryn. Her mother wanted all of them to keep up the appearances that they were not related to Jon or Lysa or Robin. Rickon once asked for _aunt_ Lysa and for two hours her mother had herself locked up in her dressing room, crying for all this time. However, as soon as Sansa broached Jon Arryn, a shadow laid upon her parents faces.  _They knew_ _. “_ Jon Arryn is dead,“ her father announced with a slight wobbly voice. All of her siblings widely opened their eyes in shock. Sansa copied their imitation. All of them looked eagerly at their father in hope he would tell more about his death, but on the other hand everyone knew that he wouldn’t waist another word on Jon Arryn in respect of their mother. Something really terrible must have happened between Sansa’s mother and aunt Lysa, but Sansa would never know. Her mother would never tell her. “And who is your new finance professor then,“ Robb coughed slightly to ease the tension. “Oh I can’t remember his name.“ Second lie. “His name was kind of strange and there was nothing particularly special about him.“ Third lie. “As long as he is a good teacher you don’t have to remember his name,“ her father pointed out with a faint smile on his lips. “You know you can ask me questions whenever…,“ Robb began. “I know,“ Sansa silently rebuffed him. Robb had always offered her his services as a personal tutor, but she did not want his help anymore. During the first semester she had asked him several questions and there was something about his way of explaining that confused her even more about every topic. Since then she had never accepted his help again. Robb was just too intelligent. Or was she just too dull. For a few seconds there was only the clatter of the tableware to hear. Sansa felt like she had ruined everything again. Why didn’t she just told her family about Mr. Baelish? Only thinking his name made her stomach grumble. She pictured his gaze on her, his smile, his look. There was something about him that let Sansa not say his name in front of her family. He was her little secret and that shall be maintained. “There is another thing I want to talk to you about,“ her father started right away,“ we’ll host a dinner party on Wednesday.“ “Here,?“ Arya fell in,“ at our home?“ Her father nodded. “Robert has asked me to do it here because his house is currently piled up with packing cases.“ So Cersei Lannister would finally move out two years after the divorce. “Robert and I have to remodel some business conditions. As you all know Jon Arryn was the chief executive of _Vale Asset Consultancy,_ the firm that manages all our assets and takes care of our financial status. Tomorrow the new chief executive will be announced and Robert wants to get to know him a little better and clarify things in a relaxed and family atmosphere.“ Sansa swallowed the spagetthis in her mouth as a whole. They would host a party. Her own home would be filled with all these higher management people who work for Robert Baratheon. His company produced steel and mostly sold it to the Lannisters, who were in the arm industry. Probably Tywin Lannister would join them on Wednesday. Sansa shuddered thinking that all these superficial wiseacres would invade their home. She would have to play the perfect daughter at this evening. She would have to fake smiles and make spurious complements. How she hated such events. Fakes everywhere. But whatever Robert Baratheon commanded, her father would obey. Not that their house was not fit for a business dinner party, on the contrary it must have been the perfect place for such events. They had a huge Bauhaus house with high ceilings, open spaces and a lot of windows fronts. There were white walls hung with pictures. Some of them were even originals. Sansa’s favorite one hung in their own little library. It was Primavera by Boticelli. Of course it wasn’t an original but Sansa did not care. Sometimes she just sat down on a leather chair watching the picture. It somehow calmed her down. Sansa had always been very interested in art and even thought about studying art history, but she thought her parents would have been disappointed then. Robb and Jon had followed their father’s footsteps and studied something with business. Robb would be a risk manager at a bank and Jon would become an industrial engineer. She just couldn’t have studied art history. It would not have done her family proud. So she decided to study international management. Every degree sounded more professional with the word international in it.  “Do I have to wear a dress,?“ Arya asked and knocked Sansa out of skies. “Well, it would be nice if you dress up,“ her mother replied with a smile. Arya hated wearing dresses and she rolled her eyes. Bran and Rickon laughed at her. It was fun for them to see their sister suffer. “How many people will come,?“ Sansa wanted to know. “Well,“ her father started not knowing the answer himself,“it will be a bunch I guess, but don’t worry.“ “I don’t have anything classy to wear,“ Sansa pointed out. She recognized a slight strain on her mother’s face and saw her eyes become more flashing. “Sansa you have more than enough dresses,“ her mother said more serious. “They are old, not in fashion. I will look like….“ “You will look good enough for you father’s colleagues.“ Her tone was sharp. “But…,“ Sansa wanted to argue, however her mother interrupted her:“ I won’t buy you another expensive dress for one evening. You earn your own money and you can spend it on whatever you like. But I won’t spend money on such nonsense.“ Her mother was angry. Sansa had always asked for new expensive clothes. She just liked clothes like probably every girl did and expensive ones would boost her social status. On the one hand Sansa gave a fuck about what other people thought of her, but on the other she thought her life could be so much easier if she just was one of these high class girl with brand clothings. Sansa hated these superficial girls, but she had to admit that they had an easy life. If she would be one of them, everybody would like her, she would have friends and the boys would queue up to go on a date with her. However, Sansa was not part of a rich girl clique and she would never be -  _deal with it, Sans!_   All at once hit on an idea. It was a cruel one but it was one worth risking. She picked her phone out of her trouser pocket and typed a short reply to Loras before anyone would notice that she was using her phone at the dinner table. 

 

Sorry for replying so late…I was rather busy :/ I would love to hang out with you! What about shopping tomorrow after the micro-economy lecture? Need something for a business dinner tomorrow night. You are always such a good adviser! ;) xx

 

Sansa put her phone back and hoped Loras would answer soon. Lords would agree on going shopping, he loved shopping. And as soon as Sansa will try to buy something from H&M he would drag her into a Burberry store or else and once he recognised how beautiful she looked in these beautiful clothes he would buy Sansa the things she needed. There was little acting necessary. A sad face and a pathetic story would be sufficient. 

Loras had bought her a pair of Louboutins when Sansa had told him that she hadn’t had shoes for her graduation ball. Loras was amenable to suggestions. He did not really care about his money, he had enough anyway. Sansa did not feel bad about exploiting Loras. She needed something to wear tomorrow. She wanted to look glamourous. She wanted to impress all of her father’s colleagues. Especially the Lannisters. She wanted them to pity Joffrey that he had broke up with her. In addition, Jaime Lannister has always been quite fanciable but he was out of her league. He looked like a supermodel with his green eyes and his golden hair, like a man every woman wanted to marry. Sansa had once tried to flirt with him. It was a dinner party at Robert’s house a few months ago, just when Joffrey had broke up with Sansa. Alcohol had got the edge on Sansa and she had tried to allure Jaime by twisting little curls in her hair with her finger and light puckered lips. Today Sansa knew that he must have enjoyed her quite much. The way he had talked to her and the way he had gifted her with a smile, had Sansa let act like a horny bitch. She had painted little hearts with his fingers on his hand and said things like “I’m a good match, I can cook and I’m pretty“. Jaime had laughed at her in a very charming way, so she had just thought he would like her at this very moment. Some time later he had left Sansa at the bar and she hadn’t seen him again that evening. Alcohol always made her very emotional and she had found herself crying about Jaime in Cersei’s clothes closet a few moments later. When she had been about to join the party again, Stannis Baratheon had entered the clothes closet. He had been considerably drunk too and they had one of these philosophical conversations only bearable in a inebriated condition. Stannis had told Sansa about his wife, how prude and tedious she was, and about his affaire with a enticing red redheaded woman. Sansa had always thought Stannis to be cold and boring, but he had been quite fun. Stannis had gossiped about every single person downstairs at the party, how stupid and superficial they were. He had made her laugh and she had enjoyed the way he had talked to her, like she was no little girl but a woman grown. He had also listened to her problems, not only that she was ditched by Jaime, but also about the break up with Joffrey. He had solaced her by putting his arm around her shoulders and wiping away the tears on her cheek with his thumb. The whole situation was blurred in Sansa’s mind and she did not remember every word they had swapped, but she did remember that it wasn’t just only words they exchanged. She was slightly embarrassed  that she had hooked up with Stannis Baratheon - a forty year old man with a wife and daughter and, not to forget, a hot red-haired lover. On the other hand Sansa was a little proud that she had ensnared an older man, and Stannis was not bad looking, a little grim and not as good as Jaime Lannister, but it had been enough to divert attention from her life. Since this evening Sansa hadn’t seen Stannis nor Jaime again. Suddenly a smile curled up her lips. She was excited how they would react when they would see her again tomorrow. In her new dress (sponsored by Loras) Jaime would regret that he had not made out with her and maybe Stannis desire would awake again. Sansa almost laughed out loud.  _You’re stupid - it’s going to be another dull evening. Why do you always fantasise about situations that won’t be happening anyway._

“Sansa,?“ her mother dressed her pensively. Her whole family looked at her if something was expected of Sansa. Nevertheless, she hadn’t been paying attention to their words but had been drifting away in her thoughts about getting the better of Loras, tomorrow’s party, Jaime Lannister and Stannis.  _I have to prevent these floods of thought once in a while_ _._ Sansa had no idea what she should say and she felt that she couldn’t just easily ask ’Sorry, what’s the matter? I haven’t been paying attention I have too busy thinking of Stannis Baratheon’. Her mother already seemed a little angry with her cheeks reddened and her brow frowned. Her father appeared tired of talking and all her siblings gave Sansa an urging look to make her say something so that their mother wouldn’t go berserk. _Think, Sansa, think._ However, before Sansa was able to say something clever Arya fell in: “You have uni till 2pm right? I guess it won’t be a problem to receive the catering service at seven.“  _Thank god for Arya!_ _“_ Of course not, _“_ Sansa acted along,“ I’d be glad to do so.“ Her mother smiled with relief. 

 

________________

 

It was twenty past twelve in the middle of the night and Sansa was still not able to fall asleep. She rolled from one side to the other in her huge four poster bed. Her bed was her own kingdom where she always felt safe and sound and yet this night she did not calm down. There were too many thoughts in her mind. The party tomorrow, Loras, Jaime Lannister, Stannis and the mysterious Mr. Baelish. Sansa was already anxious about going to the finance lecture in one week and still she wanted to see his face again. With a dash she whipped her blanket off and sneaked out of her room. The air seemed a little fresher when she had left it. She tried to be as silent as possible when she headed towards Arya’s room. Sansa knew her sister wouldn’t be asleep by now and knocked softly on the door. No answer. By harkening on the door she heard her sister pushing buttons on her PlayStation controller. Assuming that her sister would welcome Sansa with her arms wide open, she simply unclosed the door. Arya sat on the floor with her monstrously huge headset on in front of her flat screen and yelled strange commandos in her microphone. Sansa never quite understood why Arya played these shoot-em-up games but she did not really care. Arya once told her that she could escape reality by gaming and Sansa was envied her for that. Sansa tried to flee from reality with her books but somehow the stories still made her recall her past. She compared the stories with her life whereas Arya forgot about everything when she took her gaming controller in hand. “Sorry guys,“ Arya snapped furiously in her microphone,“ will be right back.“ She took of her headset and paused the game. Then she gazed at Sansa with a light worried smile. “Are you alright,?“ Arya asked her. Her sister tapped on the floor as an invitation to sit next to her. Sansa gladly accepted and seated herself next to Arya on her fluffy woolen carpet. “Did I interrupt you or….,“ Sansa asked politely. “No, no it’s fine,“ Arya replied,“ we’re losing anyway.“ Yet she smiled. “Shouldn’t you be angry or sad or something,“ Sansa wondered. Arya laughed. “It not my fault. Hot Pie messed it all up. So what’s the matter?“ Sansa looked aground. She did not know where to start. “I can’t sleep,“ she simply began. “You seemed a little disbarred today,“ Arya pointed out,“ was really everything okay at the uni?“ „Yes….I mean no. I don’t know.“ Arya gave her a confused look.  _You’re not the only one who is confused._ “I only wanted to smoke before the lecture and then this handsome man asked me for a lighter….“ Arya rolled her eyes. “Spare me your love stories, Sans,“ Arya snapped. “No, no listen,“ Sansa continued,“ I had the feeling he…..liked me…I saw it in his eyes and I wanted to allure him….and I think it had worked out in the end.“ “Did he gave you his number,“ Arya asked   slightly interested. “No it’s not like that. I just went of after the ‚flirting‘ to the finance lecture and then…then the man I just flirted with was giving the lecture.“ Suddenly Arya did not seem so bored anymore. „Wait, what? This handsome man, referring to your description, is your new finance professor.“ Sansa nodded twirly. “I thought, attention quote, “there was nothing particularly special about him“,“ Arya emphasised. “I lied. I did not want to tell mum and dad.“ “But why,“ Arya wondered. “I don’t know. I just had the feeling not to tell them like maybe…“ “Like maybe sometime you will hook up with him like you did with Stannis Baratheon,“ Arya interrupted with a raised eyebrow. “No,“ Sansa exclaimed. _Or maybe yes._ “You didn’t tell anyone,?“ Sansa broached. “Of course not,“ Arya snorted,“ do you think I want to be know as the sister of the girl that made out with Stannis Baratheon?! No way!“ Sansa couldn’t help laughing. When Arya spoke about the make out with Stannis is sounded idiotic but when Sansa thought about it, she recalled everything to be rather romantic. “Stannous will be on the dinner party tomorrow,“ Arya indicated. “I know.“ “Isn’t it a strange feeling that you’ll meet this forty year old guy, who’s a married father and the brother of our dad’s boss, you have made out with again.“ Sansa knew that her sister mocked her. “I don’t know what your problem is. I would rather prefer the finance professor. If it worked with Stannis why not with him,“ Arya continued sneering at her. Sans softly hit her sister on the shoulder in revolt. “How dare you,“ she snapped at Arya. “Just because I’m right.“ “No you’re not!“ “Oh I am. Look at you’re face. Your eyes are desiring the professor’s kiss.“ Anya’s words led into a scuffle between them two. After they were both exhausted of their little fight they fell down on Arya’s bed breathing heavily. Sansa’s phone vibrated in her pajama’s pocket. “You’ve got a text,“ Arya pointed out. “Well thank you,“ Sansa scoffed and red her text. 

 

It’s fine. We’ll talk tomorrow ;) Business dinner? Reasons enough for me to go shopping haha :D I’d be delighted to advise you. But I think we should skip mico-economy then….instead we won’t have enough time, don’t you think?! xoxo

 

“Aaaaaaaaaaand,“ Arya smiled,“ is it Stannis telling you that he’s looking forward to tomorrow.“ Sansa snored with laugher. “Stannis doesn’t even have my number. It’s Loras.“ “What does he want?“ “I asked him to go shopping with me tomorrow.“ Arya smirked at her. “You cunning bitch. You want him to buy you clothes for the dinner party.“ Sansa blushed. “Well….yes. It worked out the last time I needed new clothes.“ “I don’t blame you. If I had a rich gay friend I would also take advantage of it.“ “But he wants to skip micro-economy,“ Sansa pointed out doubtfully,“ mum would not be very pleased.“ “Oh Sans,“ Arya fussed,“ fuck mum and fuck uni. You have to enjoy yourself. Now text back that you will go shopping with him.“ Sansa loved how her sister cheered her up. She shortly texted Loras back and then curled up in her sister’s bed. “Can I sleep here,“ Sansa whispered a little afraid of Arya’s answer. “Of course,“ Arya smiled at her and turned out the lights. “Good night, little sis.“ “Good night you sly little hooker.“ And after Sansa hit her sister one more time, this time a little harder, on the shoulder, they fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Sansa and Petyr FINALLY meet again! Bye for now :)


	4. broken wings

The noises inside the mall made Sansa sick of waiting. She was tired and exhausted. The next time she would go to work, she had to sleep more than just four hours or so. And the day would be long. Sansa sighted. _I’ll need a nap before the dinner party! Instead I’ll be acting like a living corpse._ By checking her watch Sansa recognised that Loras should have been meeting her at the mall about fifteen minutes ago. It made Sansa worry a bit. Usually, Loras was dead on time and cared meticulously about punctuality. Sansa checked her phone. No calls. No texts. Would he be the next man who let her down. In despair she tried to overlook the masses that entered and left the mall. She felt like an outsider again. This mall was fit for very rich people. The shops in there were all luxury ones with clothes technically to expensive for Sansa. Loras insisted on meeting in there and Sansa tried to dress up a little. She wore her white Ralph Lauren polo shirt with the big blue appliquéd polo player. It was one of Cersei Lannister’s old clothes she had given Sansa during her relationship with Joffrey. Most of her brand clothing were ones from Cersei she didn’t want any longer. It somehow hurt Sansa to wear that polo shirt but if she had dared to wear a normal H&M top people would have peered hard at her. The big blue polo player on her shirt distracted from the fact that she was not one of these rich girls. Her family had money but was rather parsimonious, not giving damn about ‚useless‘ things like clothes or cars. “Sans,“ she heard Loras calling out from a far. He was but one of many in this huge crowd of witless consummating riches. Sansa beckoned at him and he clasped her in his arms as soon as he was close enough. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting,“ he apologised sincere,“it’s impossible to find a place to park my new car in town.“ _So he has a new car._ Sansa gave him the satisfaction and asked about this new car of his. “I bought a Range Rover Evoque. Renly and I tend to explore our vacant lands more often, so I thought it might be a good investement.“ _Maybe the next time I’m going to visit my uncle’s vacant lands in the north I’ll  also use it as an excuse to buy me a Land Rover._ Sansa found it rather ridiculous how Loras spent his money sometimes. She often wondered what she’d do if she was as rich as the Tyrells and she very often considered donating money to children in Africa. However, Loras sometimes acting like he did not even know that there were people in the world who had no water to drink. _Never mind. Don’t be so negative. The less he spends on children in Africa the more he can spend on you._ What an evil thought, but Sansa couldn’t help it. “You are forgiven for your new car is too huge to find a layby in time.“ She smiled sweetly at Loras and he looked at her in relief. “My lady is as liberal as ever,“ he grinned and kissed her hand. Sansa curtsied shortly. It was one of these things she shared with Loras - sometimes they just acted like in a Jane Austen book because of their mutual admiration for her writing. “Shall we go then,“ Sansa proposed and Loras nodded in excitement.

They began strolling around the mall without an idea where to head first. “So what did you have in mind,“ Loras asked eagerly. _It’s time to play._ “Well, it’s kind of distressing but I actually wondered why you insisted on meeting here,“ Sansa began slowly,“ you know my family is a bit of…“ A sad look on the floor was enough to make Loras feel sorry of her. “You mean stingy?“ Sansa just nodded in silence. “Sometimes walking around this mall just makes me sad in a very strange way, because I know I could afford all these thing if my parents would only handle money like yours do.“ Her eyes still did not meet his. _Just a little longer._ “Oh Sans you know how I feel about this,“ Loras whispered in a way that told Sansa that he was really sorry for her,“ the break off with Joffrey, all that happened with Margaery and the way your parents treat you…“ _My parents treat me well enough, they are just not letting me spend their hard-earned money on, as they call it, unnecessary things._ Now she looked him in the eye trying to gaze as idle as possible. “You know what,“ Loras smirked,“ my father gave me enough money I can spend on us both. I’ll buy you the stuff you need.“ There was an hint of a smile on Sansa’s face. _Don’t give in too easily._ “I fear I can’t take your offer. You already financed my outfit for the graduation ball and I still don’t know how to atone for this. We can just go to H&M….“ Lords almost bursted out. “No way! I won’t let you skid around like a vulgar small town girl. And you don’t want that either. Sansa you are such a beautiful young lady, show the world who your are. Show them your wits and beauty.“ Sansa finally smiled from ear to ear. “Do you thing you will look  persuading in these 100% Polyester rags?“ Sansa shook her head. “So no back talk now! You’ll look stunning I promise.“ He gave her a short hug to encourage her, but Sansa was already cheered up. Her plan had worked out. Arya had called her a cunning bitch the other night, maybe she was right. Thenceforward, Loras was in his element. Loras even designed and sewed clothes in his free time with Renly. They both only studied business so that they would be able to establish their own fashion label afterwards. Loras has also offered Sansa to model for them when they would present their creations on a fashion week. Sansa somehow liked the idea of traveling around, wearing beautiful clothes but she did not like the idea of selling her body. _Besides_ _I’ve gotten too fat anyway._ “What do you think about Armani? Hugo Boss would be too formal and Boss Orange would be too casual. We could also consider Burberry… but I think we need something that tells the people: I’m Sansa Stark and I’m a woman. Burberry would be a little too frisky I guess. I want you to look strong and mature. How do you feel about this,?“ Loras blathered joyfully. “You know I love Burberry,“ Sansa teased. Loras laughed an pushed her into the Armani store. „ A little bit of a change won’t hurt,“ he mocked and instantly asked a saleswoman for help. Sansa somehow felt uncomfortable. The other saleswomen examined her from head to toe and she felt like they did not approve her appearance. Her look rambled through the store. She did not belong there. Everything appeared so elegant around there. The whole store looked like a piece of art - the crystalline clothes rails, the silk that shined on the illuminated mannequins, the leathern chaiselongues. _I’m not even worth standing in that store breathing in the same air as the saleswomen._ She looked aground again, unsure of herself. Loras had a lively conversation with the slender saleswoman about Sansa’s upcoming transformation. _I will never transform. Look at me. I’ll never look as elegant as this woman. She’s tall and lean and I’m curvy and a bit larger than average._ When Sansa had been a teenager she had always been the tallest of the girls, but somehow she had stopped growing when the other girls had hit another growth spurt. She was still tall for a girl but not in a very remarkable way. “What’s your clothes size dear,?“ the saleswoman suddenly asked Sansa excessively polite. The scrutinization that followed made Sansa want to cry. “Size 12?“ Sansa nodded in despair. All of a sudden the saleswoman wrapped her arms around Sana’s shoulder and smiled sweetly at her. “Don’t worry,“ she began this time a bit more honest ,“you’ll look beautiful.“ Sansa sat down on one of the chaiselongues and was offered a glass of champagne. She gladly took it. _2pm and I already start to drink._ She knew that she would have further glasses this evening so why not take to the bottle now. _I won’t be able to stand this whole shopping trip without a little booze._ Alcohol affected Sansa’s head fastly and she would be tipsy after this one glass for she hasn’t eaten anything yet. So she only nipped lightly on her glass and thanked the woman who’s brought it to her. While she just sat there with her champagne, Loras and the saleswoman went through the whole store to find something fitting for Sansa. She could sense that the saleswoman was casting an eye at Loras which let Sansa smirk. _If she only knew he was gay._ After their walk through, they presented several dresses to Sansa. Most of them were black and white, one was marine and another dark green. She couldn’t wait to try them all on and rushed into the fitting room. But as soon as she tried the first dress on her excitement was faded away. The dress was too tight around her breast and she wasn’t able to zip it completely. Before anyone would notice, she tried on the next one. This time she did not manage to pull the dress over her tights. _Bloody hell. I’m not that fat by now._ The tried on the next one and the next one. They were all too tight around her breast. “Are you alright,?“ Loras asked from outside. Sansa answered distressed: “My boobs are too big for all of these dresses.“ “If I wasn’t gay this fact would probably make me feel jolly,“ Loras teased. Sansa glanced outside the fitting room, covering herself with its curtain. She met his smiling face. “You’re such a brood. What shall we do now? I mean these ten dresses did not fit. I suppose any dress here will fit me at all.“ “What about trying on the next size up?“ “Size 14,?“ Sansa gasped,“no way. Then I better go naked.“ “I bet some might prefer that,“ Loras kept on teasing. “Stop it,“ Sansa laughed, “this is serious business.“ “Look,“ Loras said and broke out a black jumpsuit on a glassy clothes hanger,“ try this one on. If it doesn’t fit, we’ll go to Burberry…..but if it does fit you will be the most elegant lady tonight.“ Sansa actually did not approve jumpsuits but she took it into the fitting room only to display to Loras that it would not fit. Then they would finally head off to Burberry. 

As soon as she left the fitting room Loras smiled in an instant. “I knew this one would suit you well,“ he pointed out, a little proud of himself to have chosen the perfect outfit. Sansa had to admit the moment she had looked in the mirror in fitting room she had been stunned. The jumpsuit fit like wax and made her look elegant and strong. Form the front it looked like a trouser suit with a very broad neckline. She almost feared that the shoulder straps would slide down her shoulders. Somehow they managed to stay where they were. From behind the jumpsuit looked more like an elegant dress with a deep spinal cleavage. She did not fell fat nor uncomfortable or small in this jumpsuit. She just felt fabulous. “I love it,“ Sansa bursted out and smiled at Loras. Even the saleswomen where kind of overwhelmed. “We’ll take it,“ Loras proclaimed and headed towards the cash till. Sansa headed back to the fitting room to change into her normal clothes. She did not want to see how much money Loras would expend on her. The jumpsuit must have been rather expensive because there was no price label on it. She somehow started to feel guilty and ashamed. _Calm down Sans! You will look stunning tonight. That’s the only thing that matters._ She took on last look in the mirror before she left the fitting room. _That’s the only thing that matters._ Outside Loras already awaited her. Sansa handed the jumpsuit to the saleswoman so she could pack it into an Armani bag. “Now we only need to find sufficient shoes,“ Loras said. “I still have the Louboutins you bought me for the graduation ball,“ Sansa pointed out. “We’ll buy you another pair. One that is a little more peak-to-peak.“ 

___________________

 

“How do you feel,?“ Loras asked her, sipping on his caramel macchiato. Sansa took a bite from her panini. “Much better,“ she answered with her mouth half-full. Her sweetness made him smile. After they had bought Sansa another pair of Louboutis, Sansa had urged to visit Starbucks. She had been dying with hunger. “I have to admit you also look much better,“ Loras added, “I can’t bear it to see you sad.“ “Money can’t be you happiness,“ Sansa alluded with a wink,“but it lets you forget about your grief.“ “How are you Sansa,?“ he suddenly asked with a more serious tone,“I mean….I haven’t seen you for months. I often wondered how you were during my trip to Italy. Have you recovered?“ “Well, I doubt that you can ever recover from the fact that your best friend snatched away your boyfriend,“ she explained,“ and then you tell me that Joffrey never loved me…that he was only in a relationship with me to win a bet. Well, I’m not crying myself to sleep at night anymore…you may consider this as a recovery.“ For a few moment Loras did not know what to say. Sansa understood. Loras was caught in the middle. Margaery was his sister and they always had a good relationship but since she was in a relationship with Joffrey he had distanced himself form her. He had told Sansa back then, that he was disgusted by her, that he didn’t understand why she slept with Joffrey while Sansa and her still had been best friends. That was a question that also plagued Sansa. _Why? Why did she do it?_ But her mother has told her sometimes things just happen in life without any reason. They just happen and you can’t ask why about them. “I hope you know that I feel incredibly sorry for you Sans,“ Loras continued quietly,“ I want you to be happy again.“ “Why,?“ Sansa asked all of a sudden. “You are my friend. I have known you since we both went to kindergarten. You have been Margarey’s best friend and she wasn’t the only one who grew fond of you over the years.“ Something about his voice let Sansa suddenly doubt his gayness. “You have always been such a sweet creature. You have inspired most of my design drafts…“ Sansa was shocked. Was he about to tell her that she was his muse. “When you’re happy I’m able to work. Without your smile I somehow don’t manage to draw something pretty.“ Sansa blushed. His word flattered her truly. At first Sansa did not know what to say but then decided to loosen the mood. “I doubt that I could still inspire you as fast as I’ve gotten,“ she smiled. “O Sans, you don’t see,“ Loras laughed,“ you look more beautiful than ever.“ 

___________________

 

She closed the front door behind her in hope nobody would cross her way. If her mouther saw the shopping bags she would be furious. As a consequence, Sansa rushed up to her room putting the bags under her bed and then went downstairs again to greet everyone. It was 5pm and her mother tidied up the living room to make it look even neater. Her father was in the kitchen making coffee. Her siblings were nowhere to be seen. “Hey you,“ Sansa greeted them. “Where have you been,?“ her mother asked without looking at her,“ I thought you would be here at three.“ Sansa swallowed. “To whom belongs the car outside,“ her father wondered with a smile. _He thinks I have a new boyfriend. Poor daddy._ “I had coffee with Loras after the lecture,“ Sansa explained,“ he was so kind to drive me back home.“ “A nice boy,“ her mother pointed out, still not really paying attention to Sansa,“ you better hurry. The catering service will arrive in two hours and you still have to get dressed, take a shower I guess…“ “I have already planned everything through mum,“ Sansa said a little annoyed. “You want coffee,“ her father offered her. Sansa shook her head. “No thanks dad,“ she said,“ I better get ready for the party.“ Without another word she went upstairs again, straight into her room. She let herself fall on her bed and closed her eyes. For another hour she was at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...I said Petyr would be in this chapter but the shopping trip is somehow longer than I expected :) Hope you enjoyed reading and I promise: Petyr will be in the next chapter!!! Can't wait! ;)


	5. switchback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! Exams are over and I finally found the time to write this chapter! It's quite long and I had to split it up.....fingers crossed that I'll update soon because the beautiful stuff is about to come ;) Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. And sorry that I kept you waiting so long.

A nervous knocking on her door woke Sansa from her sound sleep. She would have liked to keep on sleeping so that she did not need to endure the party. Somehow she did not feel like getting dressed and having shallow conversations. A film and some food were what she was longing for. “Sansa.“ Her sister kept on knocking her door like crazy. Sansa checked her watch. _6pm - one hour to get ready._ “What is it Arya,“ she invited her sister in, still a little groggy. Arya bursted into her room like she had been waiting hours to get in. Sansa escaped a smile as she saw her in a tight white dress. “You look classier than I expected,“ Sansa winked at her. Through Ayra’s eyes Sansa could feel that her sister was quite flattered by her words. “Thanks,“ Arya uttered,“ Gendry made me a present of this months ago. There has been no reason to wear it yet but I think it will work for tonight.“ Sansa nodded, impressed by Gendry’s present. “Well, I did not expect Gendry to have such a consistently good taste.“ Arya gave her a light smile. “Anyway,“ she changed the subject,“ I need you to paint my face and I wanted to ask you if I could use your hair straightener.“ Sansa got up her bed and searched for her flat iron in the supreme drawer of her dressing table. “It’s in the bath room,“ Arya remarked quietly. Sansa sighted. _Of course I used it this morning and had no time to put it back here._ “Has mum gone mad about it,“ Sansa asked a little worried. “Only a bit,“ Arya told without any notion of wittiness.“Well,“ Sansa started. _Mum must have been quite angry. She hates when I let my stuff lie around in the bathroom._ “Why haven’t you just used it?“ “Last time I _just_ used it you freaked out,“ Arya explained,“ I don’t need to experience that again.“ Sansa remembered. Arya had wanted to use her hair straightener the morning her mother and herself had had a bitter quarrel. Sansa hadn’t had the nerves to stand another word of anyone’s mouth and had just screamed at Arya. “Just use it,“ Sansa smiled,“ would you mind in straightening your hair in here. You can sit at my dressing table. I just need to take a quick shower.“ “Sure,“ Arya agreed,“ it’s an honour that you allow me to sit at your dressing table. I always thought you considered it sacred because you never let anyone even touch it.“ Sansa laughed out loud. _She has a point there._

As Arya left the bathroom with the flat iron and the water began to stream out of the water tap, Sansa became a little nervous. Arya looked extremely good and very mature. She suddenly doubted that she could keep up with her. But as fast as the thought came as fast Sansa suppressed it. _Nevermind!_ The hot steam calmed her down and she inhaled the lavender smell of her lathering shampoo. She even used a deep hair conditioner because her hair ends were really dry. A haircut was actually advisable but Sansa couldn’t afford it at the moment. Her hair was very important to her. She only used expensive and rich hair products and only visited one specific costly hairdresser. She would never entrust a tacky hairdresser with her hair. Nurturing her hair was a sumptuous thing but it was worth the money. Her long auburn hair was very precious to her because it was the only thing she really liked about her look. After she has washed out her conditioner Sansa wrapped a towel around her body and rushed out of the bathroom. Usually she took her time to shower. She loved the hot water on her skin and the sound of water cascading down on the shower tiles. However, there wasn’t much time left to get ready and she had to quicken her shower. With the towel around her body and her hair dripping wet, she rushed back to her room. Arya had already straightened her hair and it now looked smooth with no single natural wave to be found. And still her concerned face cracked her beautiful appearance. Sansa quickly put her hair to a messy bun and picked her make up case from the dressing table. Then she placed herself next to Arya on her own bed. “What is it,?“ Sansa asked her sister really not having a clue why she was kind of upset. “Look at me,“ Arya whispered. “I do,“ Sansa said and laid an arm around her sister’s shoulders,“you look so very beautiful.“ “Don’t I always look beautiful,“ Arya asked out of the blue. “What do you mean,“ Sansa wondered. “I mean. You tell me now that I look beautiful…but look at me. Usually I don’t look this way. This is not me,“ Arya explained her feelings,“will people only think me pretty when I’m not myself.“ Sansa cracked a smile and kissed her sister on the cheek. Her thoughts touched Sansa. The feeling Arya has just described to her was a feeling knew Sansa well enough. “To me you are always beautiful,“ Sansa whispered in Arya’s ear, and for the first time in months she felt like she was the older sister, “as you are to mum, dad, Jon, Robb, Bran and Rickon. And I believe for Gendry you are the most beautiful girl on earth.“ Sansa studied her sister’s face. Arya seemed more lit up but still not as confident as usual. “Come on,“ Sansa tried to cheer her up and gave her a squeeze,“how would you like your make up?“ “I don’t know,“ Arya answered a little helpless,“you are the beauty queen. I do not even know what a concealer is used for.“ Arya was right. Sansa was some kind of a beauty queen. She possessed tons of make up but she rarely used any of it. Sansa knew how to apply make up and it was easy for her. However, she barely made herself up. Once there had been a time that she had spent tweenty minutes every morning to apply make up on her face. These days Sansa hadn’t felt good about herself. She had hated everything about her body, her face. By putting make up on, Sansa had attempted to create a different person - a beautiful person. Sansa always tried to forget about these days back at school. She had had no friends and bad marks and as a consequence she became anorexic. Sansa’s lips formed to an absent smile. _I can’t believe it. I was anorexic just three years ago and know look at me - curvy as shit._ Her therapist had told her back then that she had to accept herself and one big step in doing so would be not to apply too much make up. Sansa had to admit that her therapist had been right. Nowadays she looked in the mirror and saw herself. Still not really linking what she saw but she grew fonder of herself each day. “Well,“ she turned to Arya again,“ what do you think about a simple eyelid line and maybe red lipstick?“ Arya seemed neither happy nor doubtful. Sansa guessed she simply did not care. “Well,“ Arya finally opened her mouth,“I trust you. Just do what you want.“ And with another smile Sansa started to apply foundation on Arya’s face. 

“Aaaaand we’re done,“ Sansa proclaimed as Arya moved her lips to allocate the red colour on them. Sansa’s hair was still damp and she still wore the towel around her torso. It was quarter to seven. She would never be ready in time. Arya observed herself in the mirror. She gave thanks to Sansa by simply giving her a sweet smile. “What about you,?“ Arya asked with a nervous look to her watch. “Well, I guess I won’t be in time to receive the catering service,“ Sansa merely pointed out. “Let’s ask Robb if he could pick up the slack,“ Arya said already halfway through the door,“I think he’s wearing his dinner jacket by now.“ They both sneaked to Robb’s room, hoping their parents wouldn’t catch an eye on them. Their mother would go wild if she saw Sansa in this state of clothing. However, as they passed their parents’ room they heard loud noises from inside. _They are having an argument._ As much as Sansa would have liked to eavesdrop their quarrel, she knew that she was pressed for time and had to get dressed as soon as possible. Arya also seemed to be confused. “Why are they arguing,?“ Arya whispered. Sansa hunched her shoulder’s ignorantly. They both continued to head towards Robb’s room. Arya softly knocked on his door. “Come in,“ Robb invited them in and Arya stepped in first. As Robb caught a glimpse at Sansa he seemed to sight in displeasure. “You had _one_ job,“ he teased her. “No time for talking nonsense,“ Arya got straight to the point,“could you please cover for Sansa? She has spent so much time on my make up, she has totally forgotten about herself.“ Robb smiled at both of his sisters, probably because of Arya’s unusual classy look and Sansa’s common absentmindedness. “Of course,“ Robb said with a smirk on his lips,“but hurry. Mum won’t be pleased.“ Sansa nodded and regarded her brother a little more intently. He wore a black smoking with a bow tie, which made him look like a Hugo Boss model. Robb was always paying much attention to his clothing and his looks and some of the girls at school had only wanted to be friends with Sansa so they could catch a glimpse at Robb some time. “You’re the best,“ Sansa thanked Robb in relief. “I know,“ Robb teased again and waved at them, telling them to leave quickly. And so they did, sneaking back to Sansa’s room. “I’ll have to go downstairs now,“ Arya portended and took Sansa’ hand and squeezed it gently,“I’ll cover for you if anyone asks me where you are but better hurry.“ Sansa nodded understandingly. She was grateful for her sister and couldn’t remember the time when they had hated each other, not exchanging any word. Nowadays they were so close and Sansa appreciated their relationship. Then Arya left without another word. 

Sansa was alone again and the idea occurred again to curl up in her bed with a tub of ice cream. But instead of collapsing into bed she headed towards the bathroom to dry her hair. Usually she did not use a hair dryer but she had to hurry know and her hair was almost dried anyway. Nevertheless, it took her ten minutes till her auburn hair stopped being dripping wet. By running her fingers though her hair she realised the parched hair ends. Nonetheless, a look in the mirror told Sansa that her hair still appeared healthy, yet knowing her hair was dry made her feel uncomfortable. Last week she had bought a super rich hair oil, which the saleswoman had assured her to be most helpful for dry hair. She allocated some oil in her hands and smelled the different essentials. The scent was flowery and as Sansa dispensed the oil in her hair she noticed how smooth and shiny it became. Her hair now looked healthy and glamorous. Sansa even believed she had not to use the flat iron this time because her hair was already straight and sleek. As Sansa left the bathroom again, she heard Arya greeting the catering service downstairs. Judged by the amount of people Sansa heard entering, she assumed a rather huge buffet to be served this night. _How many people are actually coming? Probably more than dad wanted us to believe to come._ Sansa rolled her eyes. Some of her father’s colleagues were considerably tedious. She did not remember all the names of the especially inconvenient ones but she would never forget about Walder Frey. _That little disgusting paedo._ He was always accompanied by young woman, which were sometimes even younger than Sansa. Sansa shook her head trying to get this man out of her mind. _Maybe he’s not coming. He’s quite old and maybe he has died already._ Sansa would not regret it. She opened the door to her room and suddenly picked her parents up still arguing in their room while Robb made small talk downstairs. Usually heir parents acted presentable on such occasions and Sansa was a bit anxious about their behaviour. Having an argument wasn’t one thing they did as a rule. Most of the time Sansa thought her father just did not feel like arguing, whereas her mother sometime goaded him. However, Sansa simply believed they loved each other too much to argue. Her father wanted her mother to be happy and nothing else. Now that they were arguing for such a long time Sansa was a bit worried something might be wrong with them. _They would never break up! Never ever!_ Without wasting another thought on her parent’s relationship she entered her room and closed the door behind her. _Time to dress up!_ Sansa headed towards her bed and pulled the shopping bags out from under it. The Armani bag still appeared as surreal as it had been handed to her hours ago. She let the towel fall from her body and put some fine black underwear on before she slipped into her jumpsuit. Sansa was still in disbelief that one piece of clothing could change her whole attitudes but as she looked in the mirror she beheld a different Sansa - a more elegant and mature one. Even without her high heels Sansa felt a little taller. However, with the heels on she felt like a goddess. Only the make up was still missing. She placed herself in front of the dressing table and began to brush her hair. It was so smooth Sansa wanted to get lost in it. Sometimes she just brushed her hair sitting on her bed with an absent look. Arya had once told her that she looked lunatic that way but Sansa just couldn't stop fixing a certain point with her eyes when she brushed her hair. It was relaxant to her and she forgot about all her problems by doing this. If only this moment of of lostness in brushing her hair would last forever. Out of the corner of her eye Sansa watched her little clock and knew she had to get ready quickly. 

When she started spreading all of her make up stuff over the dressing table music began to play. It was muffled because its origin was downstairs and Sansa essentially only heard the bass. Robert Baratheon had insisted on engaging a DJ. Her father must have found it rather embarrassing to have a DJ around because he had struggled against the idea as Robert had asked him. Normally her father never opposed Robert but this time he must have objected vigorously. Nonetheless, Robert had won this dispute again and so they would have a DJ around tonight. Sansa did not care about the DJ. As long as there was music that loosened the atmosphere she was content. She hated these parties where chattering and clattering dishes were the only noises to hear. The bass around almost let Sansa did not hear the knock on her door. “Come in,“ she automatically said and started to apply foundation on her face. She could see through her illuminated vanity mirror that it was Robb who entered her room. She did not turn around but looked at him through the reflection. “Shouldn’t you be downstairs,“ she asked. “Shouldn’t _you_ be downstairs,?!“ he laughed and got closer to Sansa. He leaned against her wardrobe and watched Sansa painting her face. Sansa found her brother  considerate and graceful but sometimes he missed getting to the point. He was good at analyzing problems at work and would be a good leading manager some day, but concerning family matters he lacked that cunning to understand when it was best to be not diplomatic but resolve issues as soon as possible. She loved her brother and very often missed having a conversation with him but just at this very moment she wanted to get done with her make up. Whatever Robb wanted, he should better tell her promptly. “You will like it downsta….,“ he began but Sansa cut him off. “Robb. What do you want? I don’t want to sound harsh but I really want to manage my make up now. Just spit it out.“ “I’m a bit worried about you Sans.“ Her brother suddenly sounded concerned and Sansa finally turned around to look him in the eye. “You don’t take your tasks seriously, you’re marks worsened and, I don’t know, but you seem so absent these days. Are you fine? I mean are you really okay? I have the feeling you lost your spirit since….since Joffrey.“ Robb was right. Sansa hated her life and sometimes she wished nothing more than to die but she did not want Robb to worry for her. There were enough people that already pitied her, which made her even feel more delinquent. No, she wanted her brother to be happy, that would make her happy. “I always had bad marks,“ she mocked him,“that doesn’t mean I’m unwell.“ Robb did not seem convinced by her answer. “Robb,“ she started again, this time a little softer,“I mean it. I’m fine. Of course it still hurts and of course currently it's difficult enjoying life as I used to, but life goes on and I have other things to focus on….for example my make up!“ Now Robb laughed again. “Do you want me to leave,?“ he asked. “Yeah,“ Sansa answered with a smile,“out with you.“ Robb kissed Sansa on the forehead before heading out of her room again. “Try to be nice tonight,“ Robb told her,“I know you hate these stiff business men but this is very important to the firm’s future - to dad’s future. Try to make him happy as you did when you were still too young to read yourself.“  “My flattering eyes may be called into action,“ Sansa joked and fluttered her eyelashes. With another laugh Robb left her room. 

 _Finally back to work!_ Sansa continued applying her foundation and powder. She was flattered by Robb’s words. Before he had moved out to study, Sansa and Robb had a very close relationship. Sometimes they had been talking the whole night about things Sansa did not even remember. She only remembered that she had been happy when she was with him. He had given her the feeling that she was valuable. These days Sansa did not really get along with Arya and Robb had always been there to sooth her after a quarrel with her sister. She had told him everything, about the mean girls at school, about her crushes, about new books she had bought - it had not mattered, Robb had always listened to her. Sansa still remembered the day Robb moved out. She had been crying all night, missing him dearly. They had skyped the first weeks Robb had spent at university but then he had met his girlfriend Tulisa and was otherwise engaged. Arya still had had Jon at that time, but Sansa had been on her own at home. Margaery had been the only person she bared to speak to. And nowadays even Margaery was gone. _Stop being so pathetic. Look at you._ Sansa somehow admired herself in the mirror. She felt beautiful but on the inside she felt miserable. Her heart was broken. Too many people had let her down, left her for no reason. _Sometimes things in life just happen without any reason. If I look back, I’m lost._ She decided to lock her heart away for this night. A weak character just did not fit to her perfect appeareance. In addition, she would not go for a subtle make up. With a brush she blended a black eyeshadow around her eyes, which let them appear even more blue than they actually were. In the end, she applied mascara and put a dark plum lipstick on. Again she looked in the illuminated vanity mirror and felt like a film star. She blew a kiss in the mirror and winked at herself. She imagined someone asking her for a dance and soliloquised:“If you may have this dance? Oh there are so many other contenders…why should I dance with you?“ She was making a fool of herself and enjoyed it. But as she had spoken the words, all of a sudden Mr. Baelish’s wicked smile came back to her mind. Sansa’s throat became very dry and her look absent, getting lost in the idea of dancing with Mr. Baelish. _Wait stop! Don’t act like this. You’re a mature woman now. Daydreaming is not very mature._ Sansa closed her eyes one last time, to calm down and focus, before she got up to join the party downstairs. 

She stepped down the stairs with an elegant walk but there was no one around that could have admired her classiness. Nervous voices intermixed with the chilled house music. So her parents were finally downstairs, not arguing, but tensely trying to perfect everything in the last fifteen minutes. Probably they had less time till the first guests would arrive. There were always these kind of guests that were over-punctual. Sansa would never be such a kind of guest. She hated being late but being too early was even more impolite in her view. She joined her family in the living room which was now transformed to a huge lounge with incredible exquisite buffet. Sansa had never expected her own house to be _such_ a marvellous party location. Her father must have noticed her amazed look and laid an arm around her shoulder, pressing her a little towards himself. “Looks quite good, doesn’t it,“ he stated proudly. “It really does,“ Sansa smiled,“if I had known, I would have celebrated my birthday more often here.“ Her father choke a laugher as he met her mouther’s gaze. She did not seem very joyful and as soon as she eyeballed Sansa she furrowed her brow. “What is it that you’re wearing,?“ she asked coldly. _Cook up a story Sans. Quickly._ “Oh this one,“ Sansa started a bit nervous and stroke the fine fabric of her jumpsuit,“I found it in the deep corners of my wardrobe. You were right I really do have enough to wear.“ Sansa tried to set a smile but her words must have been enough to turn her mother's attention to Bran, who failed to pour champagne in the concave glasses and made it brim over. “Sansa would you mind in helping your brother with the champagne please,“ she asked a little weary. Sansa nodded, but before she joint Bran she asked her father:“ Is she okay? She seems a little exhausted.“ Sansa saw in her father’s eyes that she was right. “Well it’s nothing really,“ he tried to comfort her. “I heard you two arguing,“ Sansa added silently. Her father hated such conversations but she needed to know if everything was alright between them. “It was just something about Aunt Lysa and Jon Arryn. Nothing to worry about little one.“ He kissed her lightly on the brow. “You look very good tonight,“ he added,“ and now do as your mother bid and help Bran with the champagne.“ Her father left her with a sad smile and navigated a man who must have been the bartender. _A DJ, a bartender...where are the strippers,_ Sansa thought and smiled to herself. “Bran you have to be a little more patient about the champagne,“ he told her brother and took the bottle out of his hands. She showed him how to put a glass of champagne without having a mess afterwards. “It’s like with coke,“ she added and looked at her brother. Bran looked very mature with his district jaw and his hair combed backwards. He was even a little taller than Sansa. _How has he grown so fast?!_ “Okay I got it,“ Bran said a little annoyed. Sansa sensed that he did not feel like having a party at his own home. “Try not to look so grim,“ she recommended,“ just a few hours and they’ll be gone.“ “Hopefully,“ her brother added facetiously. 

As Bran and Sansa prepared a appearing tremendous amount of glasses it rang on the door. It was funny to see how all of the family members reacted differently to that ring. Her father jumped up in uproar like a little boy who was handed his christmas present and did not know if it was the thing he wished for or not. Arya look told Sansa that she would prefer to sneak away with some food and gamble upstairs. Robb ran towards the door, as the flagship-son, to invite he upcoming guest in and Bran sighted in a kind of irritated way next to her. Only her mother did not seem to feel anything. She just kept on advising the bartender to their bar. Sansa was just excited who would be the first to come. She knew for certain that it would not be Robert Baratheon. He was always the latest one to arrive, even he was chief manager. Sansa heard Robb greeting several people and was surprised that he knew all of their names. Robb did an internship about a year ago and had been offered a job at _Storm Steel_ , but had refused. Robb wanted to work in finance and not in the raw material industry. Nonetheless, he sometimes worked on projects concerning finance and assets for Robert Baratheon. He already earned a lot of money and got to know the right people. As the bunch of sojourners entered, her fathers was already standing at the doorway to the living room, prepared to shake hands. He seemed a little nervous but yet excited and proud that he had been chosen to host this party. Her mother stood next to him, still with that distant look. However, as Ned Stark introduced his wife she gave a set smile to all of his colleagues and acted the perfect wife as she always did. No sooner the small talk was starting, the bell rang again. More guests were about to arrive. Her mother led a little group of guests towards Sansa and Bran, who had prepared the tablets full of glassed filled with champagne. “This is my son Brandon,“ Catelyn introduced Bran, who did not seem to take interest in all the people around him and only gave them a little beckon to say hello,“and this is my eldest daughter Sansa.“ Sansa felt the gazes on her. She did not liked to be looked at, feeling as product to be judged by it’s appearance. Nevertheless, she knew she had to act the way they wanted her to. She faked a sweet innocent smile and said:“It’s such a pleasure to meet you. Please help yourselves and take a glass of champagne.“ Sansa started to hand some glasses but in the end they all took them themselves. “It is unmistakable that she is your daughter, Catelyn. She looks more like a Tully than a Stark,“ one man pointed out. Sansa did not know him, but smiled at him anyway, even she was tired of hearing that she had the Tully looks. “Well, she may look like a Tully but in her heart she is a Stark - stubborn and untamed,“ her mother added and Sansa did not know if it was meant as a complement or a little offence. Anyway, the group of guest laughed about her mother’s anecdote and Sansa suddenly had a craving for shouting at her mother, telling her to shut her mouth and not run rings around her. _Calm as still water. Play her at her own game._ “Well I guess it would be rather boring _only_ to be a Tully - conscientious and modest,“ Sansa said sweetly and now it were her words they all laughed about. “She has her wits,“ another man accented and Sansa nodded at him obediently. As she eyeballed her mother Sansa saw that she was not pleased but she would not crack her mask of perfection. “Enough of breeding,“ a man, Sansa knew as Wyman Manderly, fell in,“let’s dig into the buffet.“ “Someday you will eat yourself to death, Wyman,“ another man joked. “I know,“ Wyman Manderly responded,“what a joyful way to die.“ And with laugher they headed towards the buffet, leaving Sansa, Bran and their mother on their own. Caitlin’s eyes narrowed for a second as she appealed to Sansa. “Mind your tongue.“ Sansa gave her an indifferent look and only replied. “If you’ll do.“ 

Then she left in desire to get lost in the crowd of guests that have already arrived. She knew her words had been mean but her mother had showed her up as a little frenzied girl and Sansa did not liked to be played and to appear weak. She knew deep inside she was fragile as a china vase but she did not want to let anyone see. She wanted to appear as the woman she wanted to be - strong and elegant. Judging by the looks that were darted at her Sansa must have done a pretty good job. Whereas men regarded her with curiosity, most of the female guest looked daggers at her. The fact that women were probably jealouse of her appearance gave Sansa a boost. She just walked through the crowd with no target to reach but as she saw Arya talking to their brother Jon she headed towards them. “Jon,“ she called out to him and hugged him as soon as she was close enough, “I thought you wouldn’t come till next week.“ Her brother hugged her back and seemed happy to see her according to his smile. Nonetheless, he appeared tiered and exhausted. “Well, surprise, I’m here,“ Jon said. “Dad wanted Jon and Robb to join the dinner tonight,“ Arya explained. “Why is that,“ Sansa wondered, “I mean I’m gad that you’re here but you have uni, haven't you?“ Jon finished the rest of his champagne with one gulp. “Lectures start next week,“ Jon told Sansa, “the problem wasn’t uni but work. I almost had to beg my boss for permitting my leave. But the things I do for dad.“ Arya laughed shortly. Jon and her were as thick as thieves and Sansa suddenly felt like she was the fifth wheel. They had probably been talking about video games, comics or the latest Sons of Anarchy season, and what did she do, she had just gatecrashed their conversation and asked her brother about such a boring thing as uni. Jon must have sensed her discomfort. He took Sansa’s hand and made her perform a volte-face so he could examine her outfit. Sansa giggled and lightly blushed. She had never been as close to Jon as Arya was. Robb had always been her “close brother“ but since he had left to study they had become more distant. Everything had changed between her and Robb. He was about to become a banker and to marry a pretty young woman, whereas Sansa still lived at home, studied and struggled with life. It felt like they had drifted apart. However, nothing had changed between Arya and Jon as he had moved out to study. They still behaved like in the old good days when they hadn’t been older than Rickon was now. They were siblings and best friends. Sansa wasn’t jealous, she admired them and especially Jon for staying down to earth. As much as she loved Robb, there was no way in denying that he had become a little conceited since the day he had become the valedictorian at his uni. “You look beautiful,“ Jon told Sansa with his deep graggy voice. Sansa smiled sweetly at him. “And don’t try to gainsay,“ he added with a smirk. “Thank you,“ Sansa whispered and kissed him lightly on the cheek, “what do you think of Arya? Doesn’t she look stunning.“ “Arya,?“ Jon teased, “I haven’t seen her yet I’m sorry.“ Arya pinched him in the belly. “I’m right here you little bastard,“ Arya grinned mischievously, while Jon tried to escape her pinches. “Stop it,“ Jon laughed, “of course you look stunning, but to be honest, I haven’t recognised you in the first place.“ “Well that’s Sansa’s work,“ Arya added, “you can blame her.“ “Well, thank you Sansa for turning that ugly duckling to a beautiful swan“ Jon joked and caught Arya’s hand before she was able to pinch him again. “I hate you,“ Arya said with an hint of acidness. “I know,“ Jon just replied plainly and grabbed a canapé from the buffet. “I won’t help you with your luggage next time,“ Arya pointed out insolently. “Oh, you wound me,“ Jon winked and handed Arya and Sansa a canapé as well. Arya took it gladly and ate it with one bite. “You’re not you when you hungry,“ he kept on teasing Arya and Sansa couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m really fucking hungry,“ Arya admitted, “and what do they serve?! Little shit like that. Where is the pizza?“ “Oh I would kill for pizza now,“ Jon admitted. “You can’t serve pizza at a business dinner,“ Sansa remarked and took a bite of her own canapé. It was delicious but still she saw why Arya and Jon wished for pizza. It was not very filling and her own stomach was growling. “That’s why I don’t like dinner parties,“ Jon added and glimpsed at the buffet, eager to find something filling. Sansa smiled thinking of them sneaking off the party to buy pizza, but her smile vanished as soon as it has formed. 

Robb was heading towards them with the Lannisters in the tow. He seemed to have a lively conversation with Jaime Lannister, who’s sight let Sansa blush. The grey suit he was wearing let him appear as handsome as usual and the way he was wearing his hair short accentuated his distinctive face. This man had the mot beautiful appearance Sansa has ever observed. However, his looks made him look too perfect to be true, and still Sansa’s cheeks were red thinking of the last time she had met him. _Why the hell is Robb bringing the Lannisters?_ Mesmerised by Jaime’s look, Sansa almost did not noticed Tywin and Tyrion Lannister as Robb approached. “May I introduce, this is my sister Arya and my brother Jon,“ Robb presented his first two siblings and then turned to look at Sansa, “and my other sister Sansa.“ Then the hand shaking began. Tywin Lannister was the first to shake hers, followed by Tyrion. Lastly she shook hands with Jaime, who gave her an bandaging look, telling her that he remembered her. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,“ Jon started off a conversation. “The pleasure is all mine,“ Tywin replied courteously, “I have never met all the Stark children before.“ “Well, we are incomplete this evening. Our brother Rickon is still too little to attend such events,“ Arya pointed out trying to do smalltalk. “Well if being too little is a reason to neglect such events, I’ll better be leaving,“ Tyrion added dryly and laughter followed, only Tywin did not seem to enjoy the joke. “I reckon we have met before Miss Stark,“ Jaime suddenly adressed Sansa with a fetching smirk. At first Sansa did not know what to say but was numbed by the fact that he bespoke her. However, she got back into reality quickly. “Indeed,“ she began with a sweet tone, “we met at another dinner party a few months ago. And please call me Sansa, I feel so old if you call me miss.“ Another smile escaped Jaime Lannister’s lips - this time it was an honest one. “I remember,“ he added, “well, I must admit I barely recognised you. You look more…. _grown.“_ The way he pronounced 'grown‘ let Sansa know that this was not the word he had wanted to use, but hasn’t been able to speak freely since they still were in a decent surrounding. His words were not lewd but admiring and Sansa thanked him with a radiant acknowledging gaze. Jaime Lannister had just told her that he found her pretty and she believed him. She glanced at Jon and saw him talking with Tywin Lannister and Robb, probably about business, whereas Arya searched the buffet for something to eat. Sansa sidled off a smile as she watched her sister on her desperate hunt. Tyrion Lannister must have recognised Sansa watching Arya failing at the buffet and said: “I can’t blame her. Sometimes I wonder why they just don’t serve pizza on such occasions.“ Jaime smiled at his brother’s words. “Well, probably it doesn’t show how affluent you are,“  he joked and the two Lannister shared a grin. Sansa did not know what to think of Jaime’s comment. On the one hand he was right, on the other hand he kind of reproach her family of trying to act as wealthy as possible. “No offense,“ he added, recognising Sansa’s confusion. “No,“ Sansa said, “you have a point. Arya and Jon just complained about the buffet.“ “And what do you think about it,?“ Tyrion asked politely. Sansa had not expected such a question and her mouth opened before she had the chance to think of the right words: “Well, I guess I’m not in the shape that I could allow myself to eat much anyway, so I’m fine with the buffet.“ As soon as the words left her mouth Sansa felt ashamed of herself, whereas the Lannister brothers appeared quite entertained. “All these young girls complaining about her body, although men don’t care about the shape as long as a woman sells it well. And you sell yours more than well, if I may add,“ Tyrion told Sansa and sipped on his champagne. Jaime had to choke a laughter and laid one hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You must excuse my brother,“ Jaime apologised, “I did not expect him to be under the influence of drinks that early.“ Sansa felt her cheeks blushing again and did not know what to think. Of course she was flattered by Tyrion’s words but still somehow she could not believe all the compliments that were paid to here to be true since they accreted. If everybody told her that she looked beautiful it made her doubt that she looked beautiful at all. Maybe they were just complimenting her out of pity. “It’s alright,“ Sansa said trying to sound as self-esteem as possible, “it’s not like he has insulted me.“ “Well, maybe later in the evening,“ Tyrion winked and Jaime had to choke another laughter. “Can’t you behave,“ Jaime said by preventing to snort. “Do you have no sense of humor, brother,“ Tyrion asked Jaime with a raised eyebrow. Now it was Sansa who smiled. She enjoyed Tyrion little games - she always had. Once she had dinned with Joffrey, Cersei, Myrcella, Tommen and Tyrion. Sansa remembered Tyrion teasing Cersei in a way that she hadn’t even realised that she had been mocked at. Sansa and Tyrion had had quite fun this evening, exchanging glances and grinning at Tyrion’s comments. “I find that Miss Stark gets my drift,“ Tyrion added. “Sansa,“ she said automatically,“please call me Sansa.“ “Sansa,“ Tyrion repeated her name, “I’m very sad that you are not accompanying us at dinner any longer.“ Sansa felt a light stab through her heart. Every time she tried to forget about Joffrey, someone reminded her of him. _Act mature, Sans. Act mature._ “Well, I’m very sad too,“ she said by faking a smile. But Tyrion was able to look through her mask and saw her sadness. “It was not my intention to sadden you,“ he replied politley,“ I was honest about missing you at dinner and yet I’m happy for you that you’re rid of my nephew. You deserve better.“ Sansa’s eyes filled with tears. _Don’t cry._ Tyrion’s word were as honest as an solemn oath and yet Sansa did not believe him. Sansa did not derive better, she did not deserve anything. However, she had sworn not to act sansaish this evening and pulled herself together. “I know,“ she replied with a hint of snootiness, “it’s so very difficult find to find a coequal man.“ She conjured a smile on the Lannister brothers’ face and felt stronger again. _If I look back, I’m lost._ “You must excuse me,“ Sansa added confidently,“ I see my brother is failing at pouring champagne again.“ She shared one last smile with them and then turned around and headed away without another word. 

 _What the fuck did just happen?_ Sansa wasn’t able to breath for a moment. _Focus Sans._ She stepped up to Bran and softly took the champagne bottle out of his hands. “Are you alright,?“ she asked her little brother and continued pouring the champagne in glasses. Bran seemed bored and tiered. Even though he looked like a handsome young man this evening, he did not seem to be excited about the whole fuss. “I’m fine,“ he plainly said, “I just don’t like having people around.“ Sansa dared to laugh faintly. “Well, maybe if we have finished these glasses you could ask mum if you are allowed to go upstairs and watch football or something,“ she suggested and her brother seems delighted by her idea. “Do you really think she would let me go upstairs,?“ Bran wondered. “Why not,“ Sansa said, “you have done your duty and you did well.“ “Well, not really,“ Bran sighted and pointed at all the champagne he had spilled around the kitchen. “I’ll clean that up,“ Sansa assured and filled the last glass with champagne, “just go and find mum.“ Bran smiled happily at her and then all of a sudden wrapped his arms around Sansa. “You are the best big sister in the world.“ Sansa was touched by his words and also it felt a little odd that he called her big sister when he was actually taller than her. She let go off him and told him to hurry, otherwise she may change her mind and would let him clean up the mess. Any off he was. Sansa tried too follow him with her eyes but that was almost impossible since their house was extremely crowded. The only things to be seen were men in suits and a few women in evening dresses. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out. _Okay I need a fucking drink._ She opened her eyes again and viewed all the mess in the kitchen. Sansa decided to clean up first, before her mother would see all the spilled champagne. _And then a drink!_ She grabbed for a cleaning rag and sloppily wiped the kitchen cupboard. Spick and span kitchens had never been of her concern. As long as it did not look dirty, it was clean. Well, her mother had a different opinion about this but Sansa simply did not care. Alcohol was her priority now. 

As she made her way through the crowd, she avoided the glances of familiar faces. Meeting the eye of someone meant putting a mask on again and Sansa did not feel like it at all. Her veneer had already crumbled as Tyrion Lannister touched upon Joffrey. She knew that he hadn’t meant to aggrieve her but nonetheless he had. Whether or not Joffrey was a prick, she missed the times having somone for herself. Joffrey had been hers and she had been his, no matter if he had loved her or not. Only the fact the she had been able to explore another world, the 'Lannister world‘, had given her joy. Sansa got bored so fast in her own. She wanted to explore, to travel, to experience things. Joffrey had raised that hopes and then he had let her down and her world had fallen apart. And who the hell would ever want to pick all the pieces up that had spalled from her to put them together again. No man would ever take that trouble. It appeared ages to her since she finally reached the bar and took seat on a bar chair. “What can I get such a beautiful young lady,“ the bartender asked her in very flirty way. He looked mediteranean and Sansa doubted that she was the only woman he had addressed with this words this evening. Sansa simply ignored his innuendo and asked for vodka. “Pure,“ he wondered,“ nothing more…tasty?“ Sansa wasn’t at the bar to drink something for her own welfare, she only wanted to forget and feel that fire running down her gullet. “No just vodka. Double, please.“ Now her words almost sounded like a demand and the bartender realised that she wasn’t an easy girl. He looked almost intimidated when he handed Sansa her vodka. Then he pretended to look for a certain bottle among liquors that were placed just as far away from Sansa so that he wasn’t forced to speak with her. Sansa smiled in her vodka glass. _Not every girl forgets about her class when she is desperate for a man._ “You northerners are rough,“ she heard a familiar voice behind her. Her smile turned wicked as she swung her head around. Stannis Baratheon looked unostentatious and gallant. However, his suit couldn’t conceal his hard character and he expended no effort in hiding it. He examined her from tip to toe and miraculously Sansa did not blush. She somehow enjoyed his gaze. “Drinking alone lets you appear depressive,“ he plainly said. “And what lets you believe I’d care,“ she replied and smoothly got up from the bar chair. He had a drink of his own in his hands, Scotch if she had to guess. She took a sip of her vodka and felt the fire burning inside her. Her face must have screwed up a little judged by Stannis lightly gloating smirk. “Not as rough as I thought,“ he teased her and sipped at his own drink. His look told her that her wanted to tell her things that were not suitable for other ears. And surprisingly she wanted to hear his words. She took another gulp of her vodka and then dared to whispher to him: “You know where my father’s office is?“ He nodded. “Right next to it is a little storeroom. I’ll go first. Follow me a few minutes later and meet me there.“ She drank the rest of her vodka and put her empty glass on the bar table. Then she left. And as soon as she headed towards the storeroom, she didn’t know what she was doing. The vodka had effected her head quite fast because she hadn’t eaten and so she dangled though the crowd. 

As she entered the storeroom she leaned against the wall trying to figure out what she had just done. Sansa closed her eyes in hope it would shrink the dizziness in her head but as her eyes were closed it only became worse. Stannis would be here soon and she somehow looked forward to it. The way he had looked at her made her feel excited about what he was going to say. His eyes had been full of desire and Sansa was almost certain that they would probably make out. After a few more moments Stannis finally entered the storeroom. He had his drink with him and took a sip as he saw her playing coy. Sansa bit her lip knowing that he had liked that the last time. Stannis watched her with out a motion. Only his lips seemed to curl up. “Don’t do that to me,“ he finally said leaning against her at the wall. His eyes were fixed on her and as soon as Sansa would have even been able to say a word he kissed her. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, it was more like a kiss for greeting - soft and soulful. Sansa giggled as he left her lips, knowing that she must have sounded stupid. But Stannis only grinned at her and stroke her cheek. “How are you,“ he asked her quietly. “After the vodka I feel much better,“ she told him,“but these parties are always dull, aren’t they. I had a super mindless talk with the Lannisters….and my mother hates me. And I’m kind of drunk because I haven’t eaten and I’m wearing Armani, which is why I look extremely hot and all these old horny buggers look at me like I’m for sale.“ Stannis laughed at her words and lightly shook his head. “Shall I leave then?“ “Why?“ “Am I not a horny bugger.“ “Well, yes but no.“ Again Stannis laughed. “I missed you,“ he suddenly confessed. “Did you really miss me or are just saying it to get me around.“ “I think I don’t need to say anything to get you around.“ He intended to kiss her again but this time she refused him, so his lips only met her neck. “How is your wife…and your affaire,?“ she asked out of the blue. “They are fine,“ he plainly replied. “I still don’t know how you manage all that,“ Sansa began, “I imagine it to be so much work.“ “It is,“ he said taking another sip of his drink. His eyes were fixed on her and Sansa could sense his desire. “You want me, don’t you,“ she stated knowing that only the alcohol made her dare say such a thing. “You could break every man’s heart.“ “Maybe I only want to break yours,“ she mocked him and bit her lip again. “Well, my heart has been broken so many times, it’s gone already,“ he pointed out with a smirk. Sansa suddenly felt sorry for him knowing that he didn’t lie about his broken heart. In comparison to his heart hers wasn’t damaged at all. His wife was depressive, is daughter suffered from leukaemia and his family despised him. He had none but his affair and his best friend, who’s name Sansa had forgotten but she knew he was selling yachts. Stannis must have noticed her sad face and made her look up to him by laying his fingers under her chin. “I don’t desire you, Sansa, I enjoy you,“ he told her and she bizarrely felt reliefed by his words, knowing that he would not kind of force himself on her. She kissed him lightly on the cheek. “What was that for,“ he asked. “Just for being you,“ she smiled and gave him another kiss, but this time she placed it on his lips. “I need to go,“ he suddenly said checking his watch. “Why,“ Sansa wondered, “the party is not over yet.“ “You’re father has organised a meeting for the managers to get to know the new chief executive of _Vale Asset.“ “_ A meeting during a party?“ “It was my brother’s idea,“ he replied with a hint of mockery, which made Sansa smile. For a few moments they both just looked at each other, none of them knowing what to say. “Off you go then,“ Sansa broke through the silence. One last kiss and then he was gone. 

Sansa closed the door behind him and then slid with her back down the wall on the floor. Again she closed her eyes and breathed in and out. She had enjoyed that moment even it made her life more messed up. _Accept that your life is messed up. It can’t be any worse anyway._ Then she got up the floor again feeling the alcohol effecting her head again. As soon as she had managed to grab the door knob, she heard voices from outside. She wasn’t able to identify the people by their voices but she heard them walking down the corridor and decided she would be better off if she stayed in the storeroom till they were away, just to hedge her bets. Sansa laid her ear on the door in hope she would hear more that way. She did indeed. She heard a bunch of people coming nearer to her. Unfortunately they weren’t talking anymore, only walking. They came nearer and nearer. And then there was nothing more to hear. Nothing. Sansa wanted to leave as soon as possible so she could loot the buffet only that she could drink more alcohol. Carefully she opened the door and sneaked out of the storeroom. “Sansa,?“ she heard her father’s voice behind her. He seemed confused. _Well done, Sans. Well done. Why do I never have patience._ Sansa slowly turned around to meet her father’s eyes but it weren’t his father’s she met. She looked right in the eye of Mr. Baelish. _Jesus!_ Sansa was in a very distinct state of shock. She wasn’t able to say a word, she wasn’t even able to breath. She just starred at the man in the marine blue suit, probably with her mouth wide open. Mr. Bealish only smirked at her with a hint of sadistic enjoyment. “Sansa are you alright,?“ her father asked now more concerned. As he laid a hand on her shoulder she was back to reality again and shook her head lightly. There were further men standing next to Mr. Baelish: Robert Baratheon, Tywin Lannister, Varys and other men Sansa did not know, and Stannis. _He could have told me that the meeting would be in a timely manner._ Before she gave her father an answer shee blinked at Mr. Baelish again. His eyes hadn’t left her sight. “I’m fine,“ Sansa turned to her father trying to invent a story as fast as possible, “I looked for a broom. Bran dropped a glass in the kitchen. I thought it would be better to clean it up now before someone cuts himself there. However unfortunately I can’t find one.“ Her father believed her, even there was no broken glass on the kitchen floor, and kissed her forehead lightly. “What a good girl you have Ned,“ Robert Baratheon brought out and from the corner of her eye she saw Stannis choking a smile, “this is probably all due to Cat.“ “Have you ever seen me cleaning the kitchen,“ her father joked and all the men in suits laughed. “While you’re currently around,“ her father began, “may I introduce Mr. Petyr Baelish, the new chief executive of _Vale Asset._ “ Her father moved his hand from Sansa's shoulder to her back, pushing her in Mr. Baelish’s direction. Sansa wanted nothing more than to run away but she had to act the good girl. _Hopefully no one notices that I’m drunk._ As her eyes met Mr. Baelish’s again and her heart skipped a beat. On the one hand, the fact that she was introduced to him made her feel anxious but on the other hand the idea of shaking his hand and hearing his deep melodic voice again made her whole body tingle. She stretched out her hand and introduced herself. “Sansa Stark,“ she said consciously and sweet like she had never seen him before and hoped he would play along. He shook her hand in joy and gifted her with one of his wicked smiles. His hand was cool and unexpectedly soft. “Pert Baelish,“ he said. _Oh this voice._ Sansa got a little weak in her knees but pulled herself together. As he let go of her hand she wanted nothing more than to grab it again. His hand had stabilised her. But now as she looked him in the eye she was lost again. “I believe we have met before,“ he said all of a sudden. _Bloody asshole._ Sansa couldn’t lie this time, there was no way to avoid the truth. His remark made her angry, but seeing him enjoy the way she struggled to find a way to shuffle herself out of this situation made her even more angry. “Well, now that you say it,“ Sansa started,“ but I don’t seem to recall…“ “Aren’t you studying at Highgarden,“ he fell in. She literally wanted to punch him in the face. _Shut the fuck up. Or at least talk about something different so that I may hear your voice a little longer._ “I am,“ Sansa plainly replied. “I’m teaching finance there,“ he kept on talking never averting his gaze from her. “Aren’t you attending finance this semester,“ her father suddenly fell in. “Yes,“ Sansa said without any motion. She held Mr. Baelish’s gaze trying to look strong but she knew he could see her crumble. His look made her even more confused. He looked like the devil himself desiring to see her fail but there was more. There was sadness in his eyes too. It was barely noticeable but the deeper Sansa looked him in the eye the more she felt like he actually wanted to wrap his arms around her and tell her that she’ll be fine. None of them dared to avert the other one's gaze. It was like a play of power, but it was also an act of despair, anxious about losing the other one if one turned away. “Referring to your description your finance professor had a strange name and nothing particularly special about him,“ her father tossed in and all the other men laughed again. For a few seconds Mr. Baelish’s mask fell apart and he somehow looked sadly surprised. But as fast as his mask had been broken as fast was it restored again. A strange smile followed. It was somehow full of pride. “Well Baelish, I would sweat it,“ Varys remarked and laughter filled the corridor again. Sansa did not care. The only thing she cared about was not to avert Mr. Baelish gaze. But as much as she begged him to keep looking at her, he turned away. “At least, I still have my balls,“ he fired back in a very sharp way but still the other men laughed. “Enough now of that girlish talk,“ Robert Baratheon fell in, “I want to get over with this meeting as soon as possible. The bartender is already waiting for me.“ Robert waved them all into her father’s office. Her father wanted to put another kiss on Sansa’s forehead but she pushed him away. “Thanks for showing me up,“ she reproached with anger and sadness in her voice. She knew her father did not mean to sadden her, he was sometimes just too naive, but still his words had made her feel like a little girl again. She turned away from him and let him be in his confusion. As she rushed down the corridor she felt her eyes becoming watery. She tried to push the tears away by pressing her fingers under her lower eyelid but they wouldn’t leave. Sansa dared to glance over her shoulder and caught sight of Mr. Baelish. As he was about to enter the office he glimpsed at her for one last time. Their eyes met only for seconds but they seemed like hours. He told her to be strong without him. It was only when his look almost averted hers a tear started to ran down her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haters gonna hate :D I would be so happy if you let me know what you think about this chapter. Next chapter I'll focus on my two sweeties. So heads up!!


	6. much ado

The office door closed behind Petyr Baelish and from then on there was nothing that could have stopped Sansa’s tears. She scuffled down the corridor feeling her mascara smearing around her eyes. The pain convulsed her whole body and she had to embrace her arms around herself for stabilisation. Her whole body hurt, everything hurt. It was the same pain she had felt when Joffrey had left her - this unbearable pain that would break her heart into more fragile pieces. She did not know the origin of her pain, in all objectivity nothing really dramatic had happened. And nonetheless she trembled in every limb. She did not know what she should do, how she should go on. The thought of drowning herself in the bathtub occurred again. Everything was too much. The quarrel with her mother, her father’s words, the meet up with Stannis and the reencounter with Mr. Baelish. She felt angry, sad and happy at the same time. Especially seeing Mr. Baelish again had mixed up her feelings. She had felt embarrassed and shocked when she had met his eyes whereas he had seemed to feel anything at all, like he had expected all this, like he had known that he would meet her there in front of the office. When she had looked him in the eye she nonetheless had felt save and she had blended out everything around her. It had been just him and her. Even Sansa did not know the man it felt like they had a very strong bond. There was something about him that excited her. She could not read him and he was unpredictable. He appeared so wicked on the surface but Sansa knew there was more about his character, more he had locked up in his heart. Sansa could sense it or was she just making up a story. She couldn’t tell. All this uncertainty in her life made her feel insane. She wanted nothing more than to feel save, to have someone she could cling to. But there was no one and she had to cling to herself. 

At the end of the corridor she heard the music again. She knew in her state she wasn’t able to join the party again. Her face must have looked like a mask of horror with all the black make up smudged. So she ran up the stairs up to her room and tossed herself on her bed. She screamed and cried in one of her pillows in hope the pain would go but it didn’t. She wanted more alcohol, she wanted to forget, she wanted to die. _I need Arya. I need to talk to Arya._ But Sansa did not dare to take one step downstairs to the party again. She could shout her sister’s name and yet she would not hear her. The music, the chat - it was too noisy. The idea of crying herself to sleep made her feel miserable. She needed to speak with Arya, she would know what to do. _Think Sans, think._ How could she get Arya up here. Only the fact that she now had a task to fulfill made her feel better. She had something to go on with. _Maybe Jon has his phone in his pockets._ She grabbed for her own phone and dialed Jon’s number. _Please answer. Please answer._ “Yes?“ Jon’s voice sounded confused. “Jon. Could you please give me Arya.“ For a second he did not reply and she feared he would hang up on her. “Sans are you alright? Where are you?“ “I’m fine Jon, just please give me Arya.“ She tried to hide her shaking voice as good as possible but she already knew that Jon suspected that something was wrong with her. “Fine,“ he plainly replied. Sansa then heard the music and the chatter from the background. “Arya, it’s for you“ Jon’s voice sounded far away and dead. Then Sansa only heard the music until Arya finally answered the phone. “Sansa?“ Hearing her sister’s voice let Sansa burst out in tears again. “Can you come up to my room please…I…I don’t…“ Sansa wasn’t able to end up her sentence because her gasping worsened. Her throat was knotting together and she was barely able to breath. “Sansa,“ her sister almost screamed out in horror, “are you upstairs?“ Sansa tried to swallow down the knots in her throat to advise her sister. “Yeah I’m upstairs…could you get me vodka. Please…I need to…“ There were the knots again. Her throat did hurt from all the gasping and she was only able to listen to Arya’s words. “I’ll be there in a minute.“ Then Arya rang off. Sansa laid her phone down and tried to calm down. _Breath!_ But the breathing was difficult and hurt. Her throat felt sore and her mouth was dry. She needed something to drink. Nervously Sansa looked for the bottle of water she always placed next to her bed but unfortunately it was empty. So she curled up and waited for Arya to come. She had almost fallen asleep when her sister entered the room.

Arya looked disturbed and her face did not bright up as she eyed Sansa lying in her bed looking like a picture of misery. “What happened,?“ Arya asked in very serious way. Sansa straightened up so that her sister could see her face. Anya’s eyes were even more filled with anxiety as she caught sight of Sansa’s face - as mask full of tears and black make up. Sansa did not say a word. She only looked at her sister and saw how worried she was, which made her feel ill. _Why is it that I always sadden people._ A black tear ran down her cheek as Arya rapidly wrapped her arms around her. The warmth that emanated from her sister’s body comforted Sansa and she was able to let go of her strains. The tears wouldn’t stop and Sansa sobbed her heart out. Arya whisphered soothing words in her ear and yet Sansa couldn’t stop crying. “Sansa, calm down,“ she heard Arya’s voice a little worried, “what happened Sansa? Are you hurt?“ _I have to tell her,_ Sansa thought in hope all her pain would be gone with the words. She breathed in and controlled her snivel. “I don’t know where to start,“ Sansa blubbered out, “it’s….I…Tyrion, he made me think of Joffrey again and and I…“ She couldn’t breath. Her throat was full of sobs eager to be cried out. Arya handed her a glass filled with a transparent liquid. “Drink,“ Arya commanded. Sansa gave her a quizzical gaze. “Don’t worry it’s vodka.“ Sansa snatched the glass and took a sip. The vodka burned everything that was stuck in her throat away. “I made out with Stannis again,“ Sansa plainly said. Arya silently screamed with consternation. “Has he hurt you, has he…has he touched you,?“ Arya gasped out. “No, no,“ Sansa tried to explain, suddenly thinking it would have been a good idea let Stannis touch her, “it’s just..I have been upset all of a sudden when Tyion mentioned Joffrey and then I met Stannis at the bar. The way he looked at me…everything was so surreal. I told him to follow me to the storeroom and, and there we exchanged a few kisses but he let me forget about Joffrey and about everything…“ “Are you in love with Stannis,“ Arya asked out of the blue. “No, of course not,“ Sansa exclaimed in embarrassment and yet Arya’s words let her think of Stannis again.

She pictured him in his suit and with that smile on his face that he did not show the world but her. There was no way to deny that she had kind of affections for him. She remembered him kissing her in the storeroom and all of a sudden regretted that she was such am inexperienced and cautious girl. Just for a second she imagined him touching her where only she had touched herself so far. She imagined him moaning her name and pleasuring her in a way that would have made her cry out. _This would have been a great story to tell my girl clique….if I had one._ At this very moment Sansa wanted nothing more than to go back in time and let Stannis have a fling with her. She did not know if it was the vodka or her thought that suddenly made her feel warm. 

“Well,“ Arya suddenly brought her back to reality, “I don’t really get why…“ “Stannis left the room early to attend a meeting with father and Robert. And as I left the room I bumped into them as they were about to start the meeting and then there was my finance professor.“ Arya’s jaw fell open. “What?,“ Arya brought out in confusion, “what the hell is he doing here? Or have you drunken too much.“ “No. It was really him. He is the new chief executive of Jon Arryn’s firm.“ “And,?“ Arya asked in excitement. “And what.“ “What happened next?“ “Well,“ Sansa started, “things stared to happen very fast. I tried to act like I did not know him but he recognised me and asked if we didn’t know each other. He revealed that he is my finance teacher and then dad made me look like a fool by adding that I described Mr. Baelish as not particularly special. All the managers laughed and I felt so ashamed, I felt like a little girl, I felt horrible. The only one who did not laugh was Mr. Baelish. He gazed at me all the time. His eyes…they were so so….he looked at me and I felt like he saw me. He saw who I really am. It felt good and bad at the same time.“ Then the crying resumed power over her body and Sansa was not able to speak anymore. Arya softly stroke though her hair and raised the vodka glass to her mouth. “Drink,“ she said calmly, “Your emotion have gone haywire. Have you eaten anything?“ Sansa shook her head. “Well, then it’s not surprising than you cracked up. You are always so emotionally flexible when you haven’t eaten.“ Sansa smiled vaguely at her words. “So I tell you what you do. You clean your pretty face and then you go to sleep and in the morrow everything will be fine again.“ Sansa knew Arya was right. She felt incredibly tired and he  shoulders were heavy caused by all the exertions. Sansa nodded obediently and downed her vodka in one last swing. Arya gave her an encouraging smile and kissed her sister lightly on the brow. “I’ll hold the fort downstairs,“ Arya winked and got up Sansa’s bed. She offered Sansa her hand so that she could get up more easily. Sansa was glad for Arya’s help. As she had thought with the words spoken most of the pain was gone. Now she just felt empty and weak. Arya escorted her to the bathroom and waited till Sansa had removed all of her make-up. As Sansa looked in the mirror she saw a pale little girl with glassy eyes. _That’s who you really are - a little girl with stupid dreams._ Sansa couldn’t bare looking at herself any longer and turned to her sister again, who looked content with her facial state. They went back to Sansa’s room and Arya hugged her for one last time. “Sleep tight sis,“ she whispered, “and never forget: I love you!“ Sansa wanted to tell her that she loved her too but her throat was too dry to say any words. In return he gifted her sister with a sweet smile. Then Ayra went down the stairs to join the party again. 

As soon as Sansa laid in her bed with her lights off she knew she couldn’t sleep. Her head was full of Stannis’ kisses and Peytr Baelish’s lookes. Full of the time she had spent with Joffrey, full of the memories of her childhood, where everything had been fine between her and her parents. All the shadows in her room formed to monsters telling her how worthless she was. Downstairs the music roared which made her want to join the party again and just get drunk at the bar. Maybe she would meet Stannis again and maybe she would be daring enough to invite him to the storeroom again. She regretted being a virgin at this moment. Margaery had told her once that a good fuck is the best way to clear one’s mind. Oh and Sansa needed to clear her mind. However she would not give in to anybody. She was too virtuous to give her maidenhead to a man she did not fully love. And yet the pictures of Stannis touching her occurred in her mind again. In a rush she got up her bed in hope the pictures would leave her mind as fast as she had turned on the lights. But they didn’t.  Regret filled her body. She regretted not letting them go one step further in their…in their what…relationship. _No, no Sans. You are not in a relationship with him._ But she wasn’t his affaire either. _What are we?_ Sansa did not know. She did not know how to call her feelings towards Stannis. Was it love? _Hopefully not._ Was it desire? _Kind of._ But there was something different, something Sansa did not find any words for. However, she felt a little more comfort in knowing _one_ thing about her feelings for Stannis. Petyr Baelish was another problem. He was a total enigma and Sansa did not even know what to think or feel having him in mind. He made her feel every emotion she had ever felt and nothing at the same time. Her head ached on analysing her feelings. _I need fresh air._ She still had her jumpsuit on, so she could still go downstairs. Only her make-up was removed and her face appeared a little swollen up. She did not want to be seen like this, this weak and confused. Where could she go? Where would nobody follow her? And all of a sudden she knew the answer to her question. 

Sansa grabbed her packet of cigarettes and left her room. On the corridor the noises from downstairs rang out and made Sansa’s head ache even more. She needed silence to clear her mind. The east wing was crowded with people but the west wing must have been empty. And so she headed toward the steps leading to the west wing. The music and chatter from downstairs faded away with every stride she made through the corridor till there was almost nothing to hear but silent sounds. Sansa rushed down the stairs dying to reach the library. The library was her place of peace and she wondered why she hadn’t thought of going there earlier. As she stood in front of the door to the library she took the doorknob with her sweaty hands and entered. Everything was dark inside. Only the moonlight shining through the window front helped her as a guide. Sansa didn’t want to turn the light on in apprehension the light would let people find her more easily. She already knew which book she would pick to get lost in and so she walked over to the Shakespeare collection. _Much Ado About Nothing_ was her favorite play. She had never seen it on stage because most of the theaters only showed that 'mainstream stuff‘ like _Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth and Hamlet._ Although she had seen the movie with Kenneth Branagh and Emma Thompson more than ten times. She just couldn’t get enough of that story. This play was like her best friend. It cheered her up when it was necessary and at that moment it was absolutely necessary. So she took the book from the shelf and grabbed the little reading light that she was able to clamp on the book cover. Before she would head outside to the patio she needed something else. Sansa knew her father enjoyed drinking a glass of bourbon while reading a book and so she took the whole bottle of bourbon out of the mini bar and opened the door to the patio.

As she breathed in the fresh air she cracked a smile. It was a little chilly but Sansa felt heaten up anyway so she did not mind. She stat down on the floor leaning against the window front. There were basket chairs but she did not feel like being comfortable. She wanted to feel the cold hard floor. Before she opened the book she lit a cigarette. The nicotine calmed her down and she knew this one would not her last cigarette today. The night was starry and Sansa suddenly realised how little she really was. The universe would still exist without her and the world kept on turning even she had problems to cope with. They were of no consequence. Sansa sipped on the bourbon and felt the disgusting liquor running down her throat. Bourbon was never of her taste but this night she did not drink for joy but for salvation. After another pull on her cigarette the taste of bourbon in her mouth faded away and she opened her book. And as soon as she read the first line she was lost in Messina. The first scene in the first act contained on of her favorite dialogues in the play: the quarrel between Benedick and Beatrice. Even though they insulted one another, the dialogue illustrated the existence of a strong bond between them by showing that they were both able to maintain such an interconnected sparring they had. They were both equal and Sansa envied them. She knew girls that had boyfriends who had money but no intelligence. She knew boys who had girlfriends with no brains but breasts. Equality in relationships has died out Sansa always thought. Her parents were the only lovers she knew that were equal. Her mother did not need her father’s money and her father didn’t love her mother for her body. They loved each other on the basis of love and not of need. Sansa strived for a man like Benedick who was witty and eloquent. But todays boys were only strong and good-looking, like Joffrey was and Joffrey was a prick. 

 

_Beatrice: I wonder that you will still be talking, Signor Benedick; nobody marks you._

 

_Benedick: What, my dear Lady Disdain! Are you yet living?_

 

_Beatrice: Is it possible disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signor Bededick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence._

 

_Benedick: Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted. And I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none._

 

_Beatrice: A dear happiness to women. They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood I am of your humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swears he loves me._

 

_Benedick: God keep your ladyship still in that mind. So some gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratched face._

 

_Beatrice: Scratching could not make it worse an ‚were such a face as yours were._

 

_Benedick: Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher._

 

_Beatrice: A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours._

 

_Benedick: I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer._

 

Sansa gave a clandestine laugh. She had read that line how many times….probably more that a hundred times and yet it made her smile every single time she ran over this line. Her laugher was presumably due to the amount of alcohol she had had. The dizziness in her head became more and more intense and her hands distinctly smelled of nicotine. Sansa did not mind at all, she would not care if her father or mother cop her sitting on the cold ground with burned out cigarettes placed next to a whole pack of smokes and the a bottle of bourbon, laying by the side of her. 

“What’s so funny?“ Sansa was startled by the words spoken by a familiar voice. By force of habit she turned her head quickly in the direction where the voice was grounded. Maybe a little too fast. The pictures in front of her eyes blurred but she already knew whom she would behold. Petyr Baelish. His deep mocking voice gave him away. By narrowing her eyes Sansa tried to sharpen her sight. After a few seconds it worked out and she registered Petyr Baelish standing in the gardens only a few meters away from her with a cigarette in his mouth. His face was blank without any sign of joy or distress meeting her. Sansa was enchanted by his view. Only moonlight glared on his marine blue suit which let it appear like a shimmering amour. The smoke he was breathing out gave him some kind of a badass look making him not look his age and yet his grey strands of hair were highlighted by the mysterious light, which let him look like a paradox. Sansa only starred in happiness that his sight wasn’t blurred anymore.  It would have been a pity to do without it. Her whole skin prickled of excitement and her mouth was dry again. Mechanically she grabbed the bottle of bourbon and took a sip. It still burned but the taste had become bearable. She was aware that he still waited for an answer and she gave him this satisfaction. “I’m reading,“ she muttered. The speaking made her realise how drunk she was but she did not care. She wanted to enjoy the ride. Her legs shivered as she tried to get up from the cold ground. It was almost certain to her that she would fall down again. With a swift blurred out move Petyr Baelish suddenly stood close beside her boosting her with his hand. His grip was strong and determined, exactly what Sansa needed to stand tall. Sansa wanted to thank him but ended up saying nothing as she met his eyes. He must have been closer than she had expected and now they were face to face. She could feel his breath on her cheeks and he still had his fingers around her arm. He smelled of smoke and alcohol, just like herself, but there was another scent she was not able to identify at first. It was mint. Sansa wanted to break the silence. So far there had just been silence between them, only gazes. Sansa could not bare it any longer. She wanted to know more about this enigma. 

Deftly she took the cigarette she had put behind her ear and put it in her mouth trying to give him a seductive look. She failed in trying to lighten her smoke due to her lighter that was almost empty. As she tried for the second time to lighten her cigarette there was no need to try it a third time. Petyr Baelish had flamed up his lighter and provided it to her with a raised eyebrow. Sansa gladly took his offer and took a deep pull from her cigarette. “Thank you,“ she tried to say as sober as possible. “I guess we are squared now.“ There was nothing alluding about his face but his tone was more than averting. Almost coquettish. The silence continued only their glances connecting them. Sansa was sick of it and tried to start a conversation. “I’m sorry that you caught me in such a state.“ There was no regret in her voice. Her words were an easy lie to make him say something. Alcohol always made Sansa kind of needy. Last time she had been drunk she had made out with Stannis. This time she was in a mood to flirt and was curious to know how far he would go, as her finance professor and colleague of her father. “Which state?“ He was mocking her and she enjoyed it. Sansa turned around mincing around a basket chair. “I’m drunk,“ she replied with a fake gloomy voice, “and alone.“ She could see that he knew which game she was playing. His lips formed into a light smirk. “I’m alone too,“ he said taking another pull of his cigarette. Sansa stepped closer to him again playing with his tie. “Then I’m lucky to come upon you, Mr. Baelish.“ She bit her lip knowing that Stannis liked that, why not Petyr Baelish. And indeed his eyes went down to her lips for a short moment. “Call me Petyr,“ he nearly whispered with a husky voice. “Oh are we that close already.“ Sansa took another step closer to him and she felt his chest against hers. Heat was flashing through her veins and she must have blushed. “You were the one flirting with me,“ he added with a slight fascination in his eyes that she was so close to him, “I just simply needed your lighter.“ “You wound me,“ she teased him still playing with his tie, “don’t you enjoy tempting looks by younger women? Especially young students.“ “Normally I don’t.“ Sansa smiled by his words. “Doesn’t it boost your ego, Petyr.“ She pronounced his name in a very seductive way and bit her lip a little harder. Petyr cracked a smile. 

His next move was unexpected. As soon as Sansa opened her mouth to say something flirty again she ended up being left by his intermit proximity and saw him turning around to move a few steps away from her. He was now leaning again the window front leading his cigarette to his mouth. He had not abandoned her because he was insecure but to torture her knowing what she wanted.  

“You enjoy Shakespeare,?“ he asked out of the blue. “I enjoy a lot of things,“ she tried to return back to the flirty talk. “Oh spare me such words,“ he just added with a sound that almost sounded like a laugh, “lets you appear like a needy slut.“ His words shocked and delighted her at the same time. Never before had a man been so straight with her. She accepted the challenge. “Better that a short pedo.“ “Careful now,“ he smirked wickedly. His tone was somehow playful and yet at the inner core his words had been a threat. However she wasn’t frightened at all. He was a dangerous man and she liked that. Dangerous meant not boring. She leaned next to him against the window front. He let his burned out cigarette fall on the ground next to her burned out ones. Then he lit another cigarette. Sansa enjoyed them just standing there smoking together. 

“ I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in his grace, in this, though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied but I am a plain-dealing villain. If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and seek not to alter me.“ Sansa turned her head to Petyr in astonishment. “You know the play?!“ Petyr cracked a silent vicious laugh. “Do you think me uneducated.“ “No, I,“ Sansa desperately searched for the right words, “I just never met someone before who is able to quote Don John.“ “And I thought there was nothing particularly special about me.“ Sansa flushed again. Why did she describe Petyr to her parents like this in the first place?  It seemed to her that this description would follow her around her whole life. “Don’t take it personal,“ she tried to mollify him. “I don’t,“ he just plainly added and looked up to the sky. _He really doesn’t care._ Sansa couldn’t believe it. She suddenly felt extremely guilty for what she had said and wanted nothing more than to tell him that he was indeed very special. “It wasn’t meant like this. My parents just asked about my new finance teacher…which is you….and I….“ _Stop talking you must sound ridiculous._ As great as the will to stop talking must have been Sansa did not manage to shut her mouth due to fact that she was drunk. “I just did not want to tell my parents about you because…because…well, I don’t know.“ She must have amused him with her words judged by his smirk that went from ear to ear. “Why don’t you say something?“ Sansa was nervous and she badly wanted to hear his voice again telling her that everything was fine. “What should I say,“ he still smiled. “Anything.“ Then he finally averted his gaze from the sky and looked Sansa right in the eye. His look made Sansa feel naked again. What did he actually do to her that she felt so powerless in his presence. “Saying anything is waisted time,“ he stated with his deep voice. Then he turned his look to the sky again and closed his eyes inhaling the nicotine of his cigarette. Sansa felt stupid and immature for what she had said. Silence fell between them and Sansa didn’t dare to say another word in fear it might be waited time. Any yet she could not stand the silence between them. The mouth urged to form words and her ears desired his voice. 

“How was the meeting,?“ she asked. “Have you ever attended such a meeting?“ “No.“ He smiled in his cigarette. “All this people assemble to speak nonsense. It’s just formality and instead of getting straight to the point they can’t seem to shut their mouths.“ “My father is not much known as a silver-tongued.“ Petyr smiled another smile not telling her what he was thinking. “Whereas Robert,“ she began, “can sometimes be a bit difficult.“ Now he laughed at her words. “He should cede some of his ability to speak up to his brother.“ Sansa suddenly freezed. He was speaking of Stannis. Her heart beat a little faster but he continued as nothing was happing to her. “I believe I have never heard Stannis anything but grunt.“ Another pull from his cigarette. “What about you?“ And there it was again. This unexpected stabbing in the back. When she thought herself safe with him he took it as an invitation to make her suffer. He gave her a suspicious look with that wicked smirk on his face. _He knows._ How the hell did he know?! “I barely met him,“ she tried to lie but she was already trapped.  “You mean you barely spoke with him.“ His teasing eyes inspected her from tip to toe. Sansa was shacking. “I wonder who is the pedo now,“ he asked with a more dangerous voice and this time and Sansa was indeed a little frightened. He had moved to stand in front of her pushing her against the window front. They were pressed against each other and his eyes bored through hers. She could not stand his look and glimpsed aside. This man frightened her and yet his smell wanted to make Sansa warp his arms around him to be even closer. He forced her to look at him again by putting his fingers under her chin. “Don’t worry, sweetling. Your secret is save with me.“ She did not believe him. His face was as close as ever and she could see right through his dark eyes. His mouth was a bowl of lies and she wanted to lick every single lie from it. He had turned her on as he had pushed her against the window front and Sansa did not want to hear his lies any longer. She wanted him to act. She bit her lip again and he again watcher her doing so. A dangerous desire was placed behind his black eyes and Sansa tried to press her abdomen harder against his. He stroke though the ends of her hair and shortly touched her breast. Sansa did not know if his touch was purposely or accidentally. She did not care. She let out a silent moan as he had touched her. Petyr smiled at her sound. Sansa closed her eyes to focus on his hands moving slowly from the ends of her hair to her hip. Sansa enjoyed his touch and had to focus on not moaning again. “Open your eyes,“ he commanded. She did as he bid and looked into his sensual eyes. Sansa did not dare to move in fear he would take his hand of her body. There was something building up inside of her. Something she had never felt before. Her look went to Petyr’s lips and she licked her own in excitement. She wanted to him to press his lips against her and keep stroking her body. His head moved closer and Sansa thought her prayers were heard. Sadly he only breathed a little kiss on her neck and smelled in her scent. 

With a sudden turn around he was gone and had left her in desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally their first conversation! :) Hope you guys liked it because I definitely enjoyed writing it ;)


	7. luncheon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the business stuff that may be wrong. I'm not really into these things :D

The moment Petyr Baelish had left her on the party her head had been full of fantasies about him kissing her. As she had laid in bed she had also thought about touching herself thinking of him but she had been too drunk and too tired to do so. As a result she had fallen into a deep and sound sleep and did not wake until noon on the next day. She actually had uni but didn’t bother to attend her lectures. Even Arya and Bran had been allowed to skip school. So she had a late breakfast on the next day with a great head ache and no taste for oatmeal but for something else - Petyr Baelish’s nearness. Arya, Jon and Robb joined her at the table. Their mother must have been shopping and their father was at work.

 

“Are you feeling better,?“ Arya asked handing her a huge cup of coffee. “Well, I have a headache but I guess that’s bearable,“ Sansa explained. She peered at Robb, who was reading the newspaper. It somehow saddened her not to see him a little concerned about her, whereas Jon looked quite worried. He tried to give her an cheery smile and asked: “You want Aspirin or something else?“ Sansa nodded silently and Jon jumped up his chair and rushed to the kitchen to look for Aspirin. Robb still did not look up at them but kept his eyes on the newspaper. “Did everything go as planned last night,?“ Sansa asked Robb trying to involve him into a conversation. At first he did not notice that he was addressed but Arya jogged his elbow and he finally laid the newspaper down. “Oh dad did not really have the time to tell me the status quo but I do think they are getting along with Mr. Baelish. There will be a huge project coming up with _Vale Asset.“_ “What project,?“ Sansa wanted to know. “I don’t think we are allowed to tell you,“ Jon fell in an placed a glass of water and an Aspirin in front of Sansa. “Why not?“ Arya sounded rather huffy than inquiring. “It’s a very huge project as I just said and may effect various economic sectors,“ Robb explained, “and father told us not to tell anyone and especially not to bother you with it.“ “So why do you know what this project is about,?“ Arya caviled. “We will be a part of the project,“ Jon tried to soothe Arya, “don’t worry. You will hear from it soon enough.“ “So why don’t you tell us now.“ Arya just did not like not knowing something that others knew. “It’s not home and dry yet,“ Robb said calmly, “so please don’t be a pain in the neck.“ 

Everyone was shocked at Robb’s words. Sansa’s jaw even dropped at his haughty tone. He really did think he was superior to all of his siblings, being the perfect son with the perfect life. “Don’t act the big shot,“ Arya spat out cynically. Sansa could sense that her sister was dead angry at Robb acting ascendent. “Robb did not mean it like that,“ Jon tried to smooth the tension. “I bet he did.“ Arya just couldn’t shut her mouth and Jon gave her a determent look, telling her to drop the subject. Robb turned his attention to his newspaper again and Sansa nervously nipped on her coffee. She wished she would be anywhere but at the place she was at this very moment. She imagined what Peytr Baelish would be doing. If he was still asleep or awake for a long time. If was having breakfast or working already. He appeared like a workaholic to Sansa. How did he actually manage to give a lecture at Highgarden and run a company at the same time. She had to ask him the next time she would see him. 

“So Arya we strike off in an hour if that’s okay,?“ Jon broke the silence. “Yeah that’ll be alright,“ Arya answered finishing her toast. “Where are you heading,?“ Sansa wondered. If Arya and Jon would take action she definitely wanted to join them. The idea of staying at home with Robb, Bran and Rickon as company did not really please her, especially not when her mother was about to join them after their shopping trip. “I have to drive to the city to buy some books for uni and I’ll drop Arya at Gendry’s.“ “Can I come with you? I wanted to go to the city anyway,“ Sansa asked not really knowing what she should do instead but joining them on their drive to the city. “Sure,“ Jon smiled not really caring if he had one or two sisters as company in the car, “we’ll leave in an hour.“ As a consequence, Sansa got up and finished her coffee in a hurry. “I’ll better hurry,“ she said halfway out of the living room. “You haven’t eaten anything,“ Jon remarked in a slight mothering tone. “I’m not hungry,“ Sansa plainly answered and went upstairs. 

 

One hour later Arya, Jon and Sansa assembled in front of Jon’s pickup. It was a very old pickup and Jon had struggled to convince their parents to buy him this car as he Jon was allowed to choose a car before he started university. They had urged him to decide for a small sport car but Jon wanted this old Ford pickup instead. In the end the pickup was a good investment because Jon often worked at construction zones and needed space to transport his tools. “Get in you two,“ Jon prompted. “I want to ride shotgun,“ Arya exclaimed and jumped faster in the car than Sansa could have moved. Jon just laughed. “Our rude sister.“ Sansa took place at a backseat and did not really care where she sat. Arya was always so excited to sit in the front because then she had control over the radio. “You alright,?“ Jon asked before he started the engine. Sansa cracked a smile at his words. Sometimes Jon was so much behaving like an overprotective adult. However she loved the idea that he really cared for Arya and her, not the impression that Robb had given them sooner. “We’re fine, Jon. Just drive,“ Arya teased him. Jon glanced at Sansa though the diving mirror and she nodded with a sweet smile on her face, telling him she was alright. “Let’s go then,“ Jon said and finally started the engine. His pickup was quite loud due to his age and Sansa sometimes feared it would fall to pieces while driving the highway. However Jon had everything under control and knew how to cope with his vehicle. As soon as they left the driveway Arya connected her phone with the radio to listen to her music. “I have created a new playlist Jon.“ Her sister sounded rather excited. But Jon interrupted her before she was about to say another word. “Sansa are you okay if we listen to Arya’s music?“ Sansa actually liked her sisters’s taste for music. Arya even created playlists for Sansa because she was too lazy to do it herself. It was just that Sansa did not celebrated house music as excessively as their siblings did. She just listen to the music and enjoyed it whereas Jon and Arya raved and sang along. They had even planned on going to a electro festival next year but Sansa had not heard of that idea for a few months now. “Of course I’m fine,“ Sansa laughed, “but please try to pull yourself together. Other’s can still watch you from outside the car.“ 

Sansa had not even ended her sentence and Arya put her music on quite loud. Sansa knew the song and liked it very much. She bursted out in laugher as Jon and Arya stared to scream along and put their hands up in the air “ WHEN I MET YOU IN THE SUMMER, TOOK MY HEART A BEAT SOUND.“ Her siblings already looked hilarious and Sansa just couldn’t stop laughing. They stopped at a red light and Sansa could see people in other cars gazing at Jon and Arya in daze and kind of repulsed way. “WE FELL IN LOVE, AS THE LEAVES TURNED BROWN.“  Arya cranked down the car window to tease the people in the car next to them even more. Jon emulated Arya’s deeds and they waved their arms in a very strange way outside the car windows. “Come along Sans,“ Jon shouted and put on his Ray-Ban sunglasses. In laugher Sansa also cranked her window and sang along: “AND WE COULD BE TOGETHER BABY, LONG AS SKIES ARE BLUE.“ The lights turned to green and Jon gunned the engine. “YOU ACT SO INNOCENT NOW, BUT YOU LIKE SO SOON“ Their mother would go bright red with shame if she saw them and their father would probably just laugh. However either Jon or Arya seem to care what the people thought of them, whereas Sansa still felt a little embarrassed. Anyhow Sansa enjoyed the drive with her brother and her sister and she was happy when Jon handed his pack of smokes around. Jon, Arya and Sansa were the only ones smoking in the Stark family. Jon on a very regular basis, while Arya and Sana only smoked when they felt like it. Their parents only knew about Jon smoking and Arya and Sansa wanted it to keep that way. 

Sansa gladly took one cigarette out of Jon’s pack and lit it with her own lighter, which she had put in the pocket of her leather jacket. “Thank you Jon,“ Sansa tried to drown the music, but Jon just nodded telling her that it was no problem at all. They would have reached Gendry’s in a about half an hour. He did not live right in the city of Kings Landing but only a few bus stations away from it. Sometimes Sansa envied Arya for having a boyfriend who had his own flat near the city. Arya was able to flee from her daily life in the suburbia and had a safe haven at Gendry’s flat. Sansa’s haven was Randa’s bookshop and yet she strived for a another one. One were she was able to sleep and cook and watch tv. She forced herself to stop thinking about such things. She was currently having a good time with her siblings in Jon’s car and she did not want to become melancholy. So she sang along to a few other songs and raved with Arya and Jon in the car. 

As they approached at Gendry’s flat Jon turned the music down. “Should I pick you up later in the evening?“ Arya shook her head. “I think that won’t be necessary,“ Arya answered, “Gendry is driving me to school tomorrow before he goes to work.“ Jon smiled and as he was about to say something Gendry opened the door for Arya. He must haven eyed them out of a window and he was always acting a gentleman helping Arya with her small baggage. “I’ll take her to school tomorrow, don’t worry,“ Gendry assured, sounding a little nervous like he feared nobody would trust him. “Thank you mate,“ Jon replied, “you’re alright?“ “Yeah I’m fine. Lots of work to do but you know….I worked overtime quite a lot the past few weeks and my boss told me to take this day off, so I really can’t complain.“ “Your boss seems to be rather nice,“ Jon laughed. “Well sometimes he is.“ “Sansa do you want to ride shotgun now?“ Jon turned to Sansa with a raised eyebrow. “Sure,“ she plainly replied and got out of the pickup. “Hey Sans,“ Gendry greeted her and gave her a hug, “you okay?“ “I’m fine.“ Sansa cracked a smile. “When will you come over again? My friend Edric is asking about you all the time.“ Before Sansa was able to think about a excuse not to attend one of Gentry’s parties again Arya fell in: “I told you Edric is not her type and don’t force her into something. Let’s go now. I told Hot Pie we would be online in five minutes.“ Jon stifled a laugh in the pickup. “Alright then. See you tomorrow and have fun,“ Sansa said goodbye and hugged her sister tenderly. Then she got back to Jon in the pickup and waved at Arya and Gendry when Jon started the engine again. 

“It so funny that they game all the time,“ Sansa laughed. “I don’t think they game ALL the time,“ Jon winked. Sansa almost blushed. Thinking of Arya having sex somehow abashed her. She was the older sister, she was supposed to have sex first, but she didn’t and just the idea scared Sansa a bit. Sansa forced a smile and wanted to raise another topic but didn’t know what she should talk about. Jon must have noticed her discomfort. 

 

“You’re really alright, Sans?“

“Yeah, I’m fine.“

“You sounded quite distracted yesterday…on the phone you know. I was quite….worried.“ 

“That’s so sweet of you, Jon, but I’m okay now. I was just a little overacting.“

“So what happened?“

 

His question put Sansa in a difficult position. She couldn’t just tell Jon about Stannis and Petyr Baelish. Not that he would chatter everything away, Sansa only felt confused and ashamed by just imagining to tell Jon about her make out with Stannis and her hot flirt with Petyr Baelish. A few years ago, Robb would have been the one she had told, these days it was Arya and Arya would be the only one of her family to know of such things. 

 

“It was just…mum showed me up and we had a little quarrel. Nothing what should concern you.“ 

“Well, I was concerned but you know…I offer you my ear if you need someone to talk to. I know Robb had always been the one who had listened to you but…you know things have changed and I don’t want you to feel dropped or anything like this. So if you need someone to talk, here I am but I don’t want to push you to tell me everything about your life or problems or whatever….I’m just saying. If you need someone, I’ll be there.“ 

 

Jon’s words flattered Sansa in an unexpected way. She had never been this close to Jon and she felt a sudden urge to hug him. Instead she kissed him on the cheek due to the fact that he was driving and had to concentrate on the street. 

 

“Thank you Jon. It really means a lot to me.“ 

 

Then silence set in and Sansa looked outside the car window. It wasn’t an uncomfortable tense silence but only silence. The traffic became heavier and they were already very close to central Kings Landing. For a few minutes she only obscured the suits enjoying their lunch and wondering if there were normal people around the city at this time of the day because wherever her eyes went, there were only suits to be spotted. She had fun trying to find her father among them but it was already evident to her that she would not find him. Sansa tried to observe more exactly when Jon and her passed the _Baratheon & Co. _tower. And then she spotted them - just leaving the entrance area - her father, Robert and Stannis. Jon must have noticed them too and swiftly pulled over. He hooted the car horn to catch their attention. And after a few look arounds of their father, he finally spotted his children in the pickup. Sansa cranked down her car window so that they were able to communicate. Her eyes shortly met Stannis. He seemed rather delighted at her sight. 

 

“What are you two doing here,?“ Eddard Stark asked with an hint of perplexity. “I needed to drive to the city to buy some books for uni and on my way I took Arya to Gendry’s and Sansa….what do you want to do again?“ Jon turned to Sansa in confusion. He had’t asked here what her business was in town and she had no business at all, she just didn’t want to stay at home. “Ehmm,“ she stammered, “I’m going to meet a friend.“ Her reply wasn’t a lie at all. She would meet Randa at the bookshop and what was Randa if not a friend. “Ah,“ her father exhaled, “which friend? Margaery? I haven’t seen her in a while.“ Jon just faceplamed and Sansa did not know what to say but just flushed with slight anger. However she knew that her father meant no harm at all, he was just scattered as usual. “Dad,“ Sansa began, “ Margaery and I…. we are no friends anymore.“ “Oh I see,“ her father seemed to remember, “she slept with Joffrey and….“ “Dad just shut your mouth,“ Jon sighted quite annoyed. Speaking about sexual affairs concerning Sansa’s ex-best friend and Sansa’s ex-boyfriend in front of Stannis and Robert was even too embarrassing for Jon. Their father noted a few seconds too late what he had touched upon and the awkwardness on his face was to observe easily. 

 

“Well,“ their father tried to raise another topic, “we are heading for lunch now…“ Robert interrupted him. “Take the kids with us, won’t we.“ Stannis clenched his teeth. “Robert, I don’t think….“ Sansa almost laughed out as she noticed how Stannis had to control himself not to tell his brother to shut the fuck up. “Ergh damn you, Stannis,“ Robert kept on boasting. “look at Sansa’s face, she looks pinched.“ _Good joke Robert!_ Sansa knew she looked anything but pinched. “A hungry woman is worse than a giant boar.“ Sansa had to admit that she was quite hungry because she did not have breakfast but the idea of having lunch with her dad, Jon, Robert AND Stannis scared her. Stannis didn’t deign to look at her. Sansa knew he was far too professional to show his…his what…affections…for her. No fondness was probably a better word to describe it and yet still the wrong word. Jesus, his kisses last night! How she missed them. How she missed him. No she couldn’t have lunch with them! But it was too late already. “Alright then,“ Eddard Stark sighted. Whatever Robert Baratheon commanded, her father followed him without question. In addition, Jon seemed rather happy about the idea of having lunch. “Why not,“ he whispered and Sansa wondered why boys were always hungry. 

“Just use the basement car park of the firm,“ Robert said with his loud voice, “you have to turn right in about 100m and just tell the guard that I sent you.“ Jon did as Robert told and parked his pickup in the basement car park. As Jon got out the car Sansa knew she had to follow him but she didn’t want to. She just wanted to stay in the pickup, listen to some sad music and hide herself from society. Jon opened the door for her and she got out. “Are you okay,?“ he asked, “don’t worry it’s only lunch with dad and his colleagues…you will get food…..for free!“ _There is no such thing as a free lunch,_ Sansa remembered her professor telling the students in a economics lecture. Suddenly she understood what he meant by that. Of course the food would cost nothing, but it would cost her so much nerves to stand this lunch in Stannis’s presence that she already shivered. She did not really know what her actual problem was. She liked Stannis and she liked talking with him but she also feared that her father or Robert would sense what was between them. She breathed in and out trying to behave like Stannis – controlled. “You’re right,“ she smiled at Jon in hope he wouldn’t be able to read through her mask, “and I’m quite hungry anyway.“ 

Then they walked outside the basement car park and joint their dad, Robert and Stannis again. “Thank you Robert for…,“ Jon wanted to thank politely for offering a parking lot. “That’s alright, son,“ Robert laughed, “now come along. I’m starving.“ “I doubt that,“ Eddard Stark marked dryly and Robert bursted out with laugher. “I have always liked the northern humour.“ Even Sansa and Jon cracked a smile. Stannis didn‘t purpot to move any muscle in his face at all but Sansa could see in his eyes that he had enjoyed her father’s anecdote too. It just wouldn’t suit him to laugh now and he knew that. Sansa admired his self-controland dared to peek at him more precise. He looked elegant and very handsome in his black suit but she didn’t dare to analyse his outward appearance any longer in fear someone could notice her glaring at him. “Come on now,“ Robert almost commanded, “if we keep on standing her any longer I might consider to have one ofthese disgusting steaks in our own canteen. Who ever employed this son of a bitch as a cook will be fired.“ “Hopefully you’ll never find out,“ Eddard Stark whisphered and took his daughther’s arm as they all crossed the street. 

“I’m sorry Sansa,“ he sad in a quite sad tone, “I’m sometime not really in these girl things and I…“ “It’s okay dad,“ Sansa smiled, “just remember that Margaery is not my friend anymore, okay?“ They walked along the pavement which was too narrow for three people walking abreast. So Jon and Robert leaded their little group, followed by Sansa and her father and right behind them strolled Stannis all on his own. Was he watching her ass when she was walking Sansa wondered but ended up thinking Stannis too decent to do such things. She almost felt sorry for him walking on his own, like she expected him to do usually. 

She tried to find her lip balm in her bag and accidently dropped it. “Oh,“ she groaned and kneed down to pick up her balm again. As planned, her father did not even notice that she had dropped it and just kept on walking and as planned too, Stannis also kneed down to pick her lip balm up. He was too gentleman- like to let her deal with the lip balm on her own. Stannis was faster than her and already had the balm in his hands when Sansa wanted to reach for it. She nearly skimmed the back of his hand and swiftly withdrew her hand. However, he determinately took it to help her up again. 

“Thank you,“ Sansa shyly whispered and she flushed because of his gentlemanish behaviour. Yet he still did not dare to look at her properly and Sansa could sense his struggle to keep control over himself.“You’re welcome,“ he muttered still holding her hand. All of a sudden, all of Sansa’s strains were gone and she felt good around Stannis. For a few seconds she just gazed at him, trying not to look at her but in the end he couldn’t resist a peek. Sansa smiled as their eyes met and Stannis’ lips were also forming to something that also looked like a smile. Then he let go of her hand and they started to gain upon her father and the others but still held themselves at a distance for private talk.

“I think I owe you an apology.“ 

Sansa was completely bedlame at his words.

“What should you apologise for.“ 

“I put you in a very difficult situation yesterday. I didn’t mean to have you bump into all the managers heading toward your father’s office….“

“Oh that’s alright.“ 

“….and I didn’t mean to leave you so early.“

His voice was low and husky with an hint of embarrassement and fear someone might overhear their conversation. Sansa did not know what to reply. He had just told her that he had enjoyed the time with her, that he would have enjoyed having more time with her…doing what? Sansa’s dirty thoughts came back again, the same she had had yesterday about him touching her. She flushed and couldn’t bare to meet bis dark eyes. 

“I don’t think you meant to.“ 

She tried to be as discrete as possible. What did he expect of her. Telling him that she wanted him? Asking him to meet in private again? What did he want? What did she want?

 Before Sansa could think of something to say Stannis‘ phone buzzed. He took it out of his pocket and appeared like he would read a short text. 

“Who is it?

“Who do you think it is?“ 

“I don’t know, maybe a colleague?“

“You have to guess better. All my colleagues are on lunch break and probably don’t want to bother with such a gross administrative director as myself.“ 

“You’re not gross.“ 

“Try not to ingratiate.“ 

“So it’s your mistress then?“

“Very warm.“

“So what does she want?“ 

“Just a little shag while everyone is on lunch break.“ 

“What did you reply?“ 

“I have to eat.“ 

“You…rejected her?“ 

“Repulsed might be more fitting.“ 

He slightly smirked and Sansa somehow awed at him. She had never met a man who would choose food over sex. 

“You might regret you answer.“ 

“Sex without energy is more damage than good.“ 

Sansa couldn’t help but laugh. His honesty was marvelously amusing. She would have enjoyed a stroll with Stannis though the streets, just the two of them talking about nonsense but Robert yanked her out of her dream. “Finally,“ he boasted, “and Baelish…as over-punctual as ever.“ Sansa was in shock. Baelish? Had Robert said Baelish? He couldn’t mean Petyr Baelish, could he. “The late Robert and his minions,“ Sansa heard that familiar sly voice speaking in the usual mocking tone. As Sansa looked up to Stannis she could see that he knitted his brow in disdain. “We are only three minutes late. We bumped into two of Ned’s children. You have not problem that they join us, have you,“ Robert explained with his clarion voice. The he took a step aside and Sansa was able to get a glimpse ofMr. Baelish. He was doffing of his Tom Ford sunglasses and instantly caught Sansa’s eye. She could sense that he was totally tickled by her presence judged by the dark glint in his eyes. “I don’t mind at all,“ he slightly smirked and shook Sansa’s hand salutatory. “Sansa, was it,?“ he enquired and Sansa almost laughed at his words. After yesterday night her name wasn’t the probably only thing he knew about her. His touches flashed into Sansa’s mind again and she wondered if he thought about her curves at this very moment. His face did not tell. He was a good player and an even better liar and Sansa had no option but to play along. “Yes,“ she nodded with a sweet smile on her face trying to flatter him. Then he averted his eyes towards Stannis and Sansa could see that he had to choke a broad grin. _He knows, he knows about Stannis and me._ Petyr Baelish must haven been quite amused to see Stannis and her being collocated quite close and Stannis' hostile look when Petyr had shook her hand must have amused him even more. “Stannis,“ Petyr greeted him with a quite fake jolly voice. Stannis didn’t dignify him with an answer and as a consequence Petyr shortly peeked at Sansa telling her: Told you, he doesn’t speak very often. Then he greeted Jon and her father. Sansa recognised that her father was not really pleased to meet Petyr Baelish again so fast. The way her father spoke with him let her sense that he had no looking for this man. Maybe she could interrogate her father later about the mysterious Mr. Bealish. 

Due to the fact that they were now an even amount of people they entered the high building, at which the restaurant was placed at the very top, by twos. Sansa and Stannis were still at the end of the group and she was happy that Petyr Baelish leaded them, so that there was a greater distance between him and her. With Stannis around Sansa felt tremendously embarrassed to be near to Petyr, however she also remembered yesterday’s evening and recalled how good it felt to be close to him. She heard Stannis clenching his teeth and noticed how grumpy he looked. Was he jealous? Why should he? _I’m not his and he is not mine. We are not in a relationship…it’s just complicated._ And yet Sansa somehow felt like she had cheated on him. She felt guilty for Stannis being in distress and as they were in the lift, that brought them up to the restaurant, Sansa lightly brushed Stannis’ hand in hope no one would notice. His face seemed to relax immediately and he glanced down on her. She gave him a cheering smile which indeed help him to loosen the strain of his jaw. 

A waiteress received them as soon as the lift opened and led them to a convenient table. Sansa noticed that only business people were at the restaurant. She looked down at herself and felt like she was in the wrong place. All these people looked elegant and posh and she just wore dark blue jeans, New Balance and a leather jacket. She felt sharp-eyed by the guests at the restaurant and her gaze turned downward in sense of shame. Jon did not seem to care that his array was inappropriate and he looked even 'worse‘ than Sansa with his ripped dark grey jeans. 

In the end they were seated at a table on a huge balcony with a magnificent view over the skyline of Kings Landing. “Thank you,“ Robert smiled at the waitress. “Always a pleasure Mr. Baratheon,“ she replied, “I’ll be back for your orders in a minute.“ Sansa heeded that she sat down at the outer corner of the table only with her father next and Jon opposite to her and with Stannis and Petyr in sight but not within her grasp.  

“What makes you so happy,?“ her father asked with a light smile on his face as he saw his daughter watching the skyline with glimmering eyes. Sansa was just impressed by the view. She loved the architecture of the Kings Landing skyline. The style was modern and yet there was something classic about it. The _Baratheon & Co._ tower was the second highest tower, only surpassed by the _The Rock_ , the tower owned by the Lannisters‘. “It’s just..,“ Sansa replied, “I never had such a good view of the skyline. It looks so beautiful. Do you see how the light reflects in the glass fronts of The Rock. It’s contouring the shape oft he building even more and lets it appear more edged…it really looks like a huge rock made of glass. It is a deconstructivistic masterpiece.“ Sansa must have sounded rather enthusiastic for all eyes were suddenly on her. “Damn Sansa you sound like a fucking expert,“ Robert laughed, “I didn’t even understand what you were saying….deconstruvim…“ “Deconstructivism,“ Sansa corrected, “it’s an architectural style…“ Sansa flushed recognising that everyone looked at her in astonishment. Petyr Baelish even dared to smirk darkly, which embarrassed her even more. “How do you know such thing,?“ her father asked proudly. “Well, I read,“ she almost whisphered. “And what is your favourite architectural style,?“ Petyr Baelish asked out of the blue. Sansa didn’t expect him to speak with her and was almost too staggered to answer. “The Ranaissance is my favourite epoch by all accounts,“ Sansa replied trying to prevent looking him in the eye. And just as she did, she couldn’t retain to ask: “What is your favourite period of art?“ _Sansa what did you just do?! You can’t ask a finance bod about art!_ “Impressionism,“ Petyr Baelish replied dryly as it would be the most natural thing to like impressionism. Sansa couldn’t believe what she was hearing. He had actually given her an answer. She couldn’t understand why such a wicked man like Petyr Baelish enjoyed impressionism, a flowery and delicate style. “I would have guessed analytical cubism.“ Petyr Baelish lightly laughed. “Only because I am a sharp man. No, for me impressionism is all about seizing the moment, isn’t that the most sharp thing of all.“ 

Sansa had never thought about impressionism like this before and she had to admit that Petyr had a point. Impressionism wanted to show the bloom of life and yet the painter had to act fast, instead he would neglect his chance of a beautiful picture. Sansa didn’t thought Petyr a man who wanted to show the world’s beauty but he was definitely a man who took his chances.“You surprise me, Petyr,“ Robert remarked, “I always thought you to be a man who wasn’t interested in anything but himself.“ Robert was the only one laughing about his, as he may have considered it, joke. Stannis almost facepalmed in shame and Sansa had to choke a laughter. As she noticed Petyr watching her, she straightened up again trying to look as unattracted to Stannis as possible. Her action must have amused Petyr and he hid a smile with his hand before he replied: “I may surprise you in many regards.“ “I only want to be surprised by one person,“ Robert added, “and that is Ned on his son’s wedding, where he will get drunkand dance with all the pretty friends of his daughter-in-law.“ “I won’t do that,“ Eddard Stark brought out. “That’s why it would be a surprise.“ 

“What can I bring you?“ The waitress was suddenly back and Sansa realised that she hadn’t deigned to look at the menu. However, she would soon perceive that there hadn’t been need for that at all. “We take the grilled trout with the tagliatelle in lemon sauce and blanched needle beans. Unfortunately it’s lunch time otherwise I would have requested for a fine dornish red wine but I think water will do for now and bring a coke for the kids.“ The waitress nodded obediently and left without writing anything down. Sansa was a little shocked. Robert had just ordered for all oft hem but she seemed to be the only one who bothered. “I hope you two like fish,“ Robert addressed Jon and Sansa. “When it comes down to food I’m not very picky,“ Jon joked. “Me too,“ Sansa replied after Robert gave her an eager gaze. Her father must have noticed that she was a bit distracted and whispered to her: “Don’t worry. Robert always does this…but he has a good taste for food as you can see.“ Sansa giggled at her father’s words. 

“So Petyr let’s get down to business so we can enjoy our food in silence,“ Robert started off, “when do you think you will have worked out a solution for our little problem.“ “Not so little I’m afraid,“ Petyr smirked. “Do you really want to discuss this in front of….,“ Ned fell in with a query tone. “Come on, Ned,“ Robert boasted out, “Jon already knows and Sansa and all of your children will know sooner or later. Maybe they will turn out to have a refreshing answer to our problem with their juvenility.“ “As you may suppose,“ Ned relented. “So Petyr. How long will it take? Stannis is currently planning the fourth quarter…but he can’t plan projects when there will be no money to implement them.This would make our shareholders quite nervous.“ “There is already a tense mood at the stock exchange,“ Stannis remarked. It felt like Sansa hadn’t heard his voice for ages. In company he barely said a word and she suddenly felt quite flattered that he was so open to her. “Well it’s not my aim to tense it up even more,“ Robert brought out. “It’s a little late to aim so high,“ Stannis noted slightly angry but calm , “ the company is overlevaraged. I told you that such an amount of borrowed capital is a way too high to ensure success in the long run.“ “We didn’t expect such a low inflation rate,“ Eddard Stak explained, “and still I agree with Stannis. We told you back then Robert that Jon did not consider the the expected higher unemployment rate caused by the Tyrells‘ technological progress.“ “Damn the Tyrells. Jon told me that change in the labour market would not have such a huge impact on the inflation rate.“ “No one really expected such a huge impact,“ Ned said, “the Tyrells are quite secretive about their products and no one knew that it would substitute such a huge amount of human workers.“ “And still there was a risk,“ Stannis fell in, "and to gamble with the whole company at stake wasn’t very responsible.“ “Do you think I’m a bad CEO,“ Robert sounded angry, “I built this company up and I took a big risk to build it up and look where we are now. Taking a risk is sometimes necessary to achieve something greater.“

 “I do belive we should all calm down now,“ Petyr Baelish said and Sansa sensed that he enjoyed the chaos around him, “all you need is a hedge.“ Sansa wanted nothing more than to leave the restaurant so she no longer had to listen to this finance crap. She understood only a little of what all this was about. _Baratheon & Co. _probably had too much borrowed capital and now with the low inflation rate the interests would increase so that the borrowed money and its causing debts would be unpayable. “Mr. Baelish is right,“ Jon suddenly joint the conversation, “a proper hedge is all you need.“ “That’s my drift,“ Petyr said with a mocking voice, “maybe you should take a page from Jon’s book, Stannis.“ Sansa saw Stannis clenching his teeth and Sansa knew just exactly what he wanted to say but in the end he didn’t blink an eye. He stayed calm and Sansa admired him for that. Been showed of in public wasn’t something she handled easily, as one might have noticed on the previous night. Stannis was the coolness himself and yet Sansa saw the desire of revenge in his eyes. “I form opinions on my own sanity rather than to curry favour with others, to achieve what I want.“His words followed an icy gaze at Mr. Baelish containing no emotion at all. Petyr Baelish just smiled another wicked smile and probably took Stannis’ words as an invitation for a sparring. However he wasn’t able to give Stannis a reply because the lunch was served as he opened his mouth. 

Sansa was enthralled by the smell of the food. The look of the freshly grilled fish and the scent of lemon let her realise how hungry she actually was and she could not wait to take the first bite. “Enough of this nonsense,“ Robert heralded, “let us eat. Poor Sansa already had to endure our business talk and I can’t see her suffer any longer.“ Sansa felt caught in the act. Had her face shown so obviously that she had been bored when they had spoken about finance and business? “Sansa is not really into finance,“ her father explained and tasted the tagliatelle. “Is she,?“ Petyr Baelish asked with a deep husky voice gazing at Sansa with his dark eyes.Sansa couldn’t stand his look and focused on the food. _Just eat. You don’t have to say any word, you just have to eat._ “There is your new mission in life, Petyr,“ Robert laughed, “as her finance professor it is your duty to enthuse Sansa with financial matters.“ Sansa didn’t want to see how Petyr reacted to Roberts’s suggestion. She couldn’t stand another wicked smile. “Excuse me, Mr. Baelish,“ Jon saidwith caution, “you are a professor at Highgarden?“ “Yes.“ “How do you manage to run a company and teach at a university as a sideline?“ “It’s quite a busy life I’m afraid but nothing I could not manage,“ Petyr explained, “as _Tyrell Technologies_ bought the university Jon Arryn made an agreement with the Tyrells that _Vale Asset_ would supply an employee to hold a lecture at Highgarden. In return _Vale Asset_ gets all the business numbers from _Tyrell Technologies_ first. Jon has taught finance himself over the last years, I think it is my duty as the new CEO to follow suit.“ “How honourable, Petyr,“ Robert joked. 

Then Sansa switched to her, as she called it, offline mode. She didn’t listen to any of the words that were exchanged and focused on her meal. She had to settle her thoughts at first. Summing up, she currently had lunch with her father, her brother, her father’s boss, the brother of her father’s boss with whom she had an indefinable connection, and last but not least her finance professor whom she had flirted with and now had turned out to be one of her father’s colleagues who nonetheless seemed to enjoy her. _What should I make out of this?!_ The same confusion she had felt last night arose again, grounded very deep inside of her. Others might just have enjoyed the lunch but Sansa suddenly became very pensive. What did Stannis think at this very moment? Was he thinking of her? Was he thinking of his affair? Did he in the end regret having dinner with them? And what did Petyr think? Was he thinking about last night? About how he held her and teased her. Sansa wanted nothing more than to go inside their heads to know what they were thinking, because she didn’t know if she was blustering into something or if they really had some kind of affection for her. _Gosh! I’m that little girl again trying to figure out if the boy sitting next to you might like you or not. Jesus! Why do I have to be a girl. A man can just simply take what he wants._ But why couldn’t she just simply take what she wanted. She was no little girl anymore. _Take what you want Sansa! But what do you want?_ She couldn’t tell. It always sounded so easy when Robb told her what he wanted. He had plans, he had aims he wanted to reach. What was Sansa’s aim? Arya had once told her that simply enjoying life was the aim, not thinking about tomorrow. Maybe she should just do that since all her plans haven’t worked out. Joffrey had been her plan. Marry him, bear his children and live happily ever after. Now Joffrey was gone and with him her plan. He had left her on this lonely island surrounded by nothing but deep blue water - hopeless and ready to starve. She knew she needed to find a new place to live, a new island. But how should she ever find a new island by not jumping into the water and swim. It was a risk, not knowing how deep the water was and when she would finally spot a new island but without dropping into the water, she would always stay on this island and would be doomed for the rest of her life. 

“Sansa,?“ she heard her father’s voice, appearing far far away, “Sansa?“ Her father touched her shoulder which brought her back to reality. “Yeah?“ Sansa turned to him with an absent gaze. “Jon has asked you something,“ her father said a little worried. “Oh,“ Sansa brought out silently, “I’m sorry…what is it?“ As she looked at Jon she saw that he knew that something wasn’t right with her. Sansa dared to blink shortly at the others and noticed that she was again looked at. “I just wanted to know how long you’re planning to stay in the city,?“ Jon asked her. “Ehm,“ Sansa replied not really knowing an answer to his question,“ I guess I’ll stay till late afternoon.“ “Will you be there for dinner,?“ her father wondered, “just that your mother knows.“ “I think so.“ “I don’t think I’ll need so much time to buy my books,“ Jon explained, “I could….“ “It’s okay I’ll take the train,“ Sansa interrupted him. “I wouldn’t mind picking you up later,“ Jon tried to persuade her. “I would,“ Sansa smiled, “it would only cost you money for petrol you could also spent on more necessary things.““Talking like a true business lady,“ Petyr Baelish interrupted their sibling talk with a faint smile on his lips. As Sansa’s eyes met his she wondered if he had been watching her the whole time. 

“Well, sometimes acting like one doesn’t hurt, considering my future work environment.“ 

“And what would that be?“ 

“Judged by my current studies probably something rather business like.“ 

At this moment Petyr Baelsih looked at her like every woman wanted to be looked at -desired and respected. Sansa wanted him to never stop looking at her like this. She forgot about all her worries, about all the other people around her. She just saw Petyr. Hell, she was allowed to call him Petyr. But she would only call him by his name in private. Oh she couldn’t wait to meet him in private again. She couldn’t wait to fell his breath on her cheeks again, his hands on her hips. _Calm down Sansa. He is still your finance teacher and you’re father’s business partner._ To hell with it. She knew if he touched her like yesterday night she couldn’t resist the tempation. Her cheeks heatened up by only thinking of him near her. 

During the rest of the lunch Sansa bandied a few sneaky looks with Petyr. Most of the time Robert’s voice was heard, speaking of the old days. His words made Sansa a little melancholy because these days they had still lived in the north. But as Robert started to build up his company the whole family followed him to Kings Landing because Robert wanted her father as vice-president. Sometimes she missed their manor in the north because everything had been so peaceful there. Uncle Benjen was now the only one living there and every christmas the rest of the Stark family travelled form the suburbia of Kings Landing back to Winterfell Manor. 

“Oh the north,“ Robert told, “do you remember how we used to kill bottles of bourbon in the library. Ah these days Ned.“ “Why don’t you come with us to the north on christmas,?“ her father offered. “Yeah, why not,“ Robert laughed, “I’m divorced now. Probably I would just sit in front of the telly, drinking a way too much on christmas eve. This would be a way to get drunk in company.“ “Well, I’ll ask Benjen and he’ll prepare a room for you.“ “Stannis you have to come with us,“ Robert proclaimed. “I doubt it,“ Stannis said a little annoyed, “I can’t leave Shireen alone with Selyse and Shireen can’t travel anyway.“ “Are you fucking kidding Stan,“ Robert almost shouted, “the girl badgers me for traveling to the north since she’s able to speak. It would be a christmas presentfor her.“ “I don’t want it to be her last one.“ Stannis sounded rather concerned and bothered by Robert now. “There is a huge hospital only ten minutes away from Winterfell and our butler also worked as a doctor for a few years. She’ll be save there, Stannis,“ Sansa tried to calm him down, knowing that she had certain powers over him. His facial muscles relaxed as she gazed at him. “I’ll mull over it and talk to Selyse. Satisfied?“ Stannis raised an eyebrow and even gifted her with a light smile. Sansa was satisfied. Thinking of having Robert and Stannis with them on christmas made her even more looking forward toward to december. She couldn’t wait to enjoy christmas with her family and friends. What a sad thing that Petyr wasn't a friend of her father . 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this chapter was just a little fill-in but I felt like doing it because just the idea of them having lunch together delighted me :D Next chapter will be more Petyr/Sansa stuff and I hope you stay tuned ;) I also have to say that I'm not ONLY a Petyr/Sansa shipper (as you might have noticed). My guilty pleasure is the Stansa ship and I hope you are not angry with me having a little 'love triangle' in this fic. Nonetheless, this is a Petyr/ Sansa ship fic so don't worry ;) Hope you enjoyed this chapter even it was 'just' fill-in. Heads up for the next chapter! ;)


	8. jump

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a rather short one but the next chapter will be uploaded tomorrow.

“I’m sorry, mum. How could I’ve known that the trains are late.“ Catelyn Stark sounded a little annoyed on the phone as her daughter told her that she wouldn’t be there for dinner. “I don’t know. They keep on announcing that there is some kind of operational trouble.“ Sansa was sick of her mother. Surprisingly, she wasn’t angry with Sansa but kept on charging her  with how sad it was that she wouldn’t be at home for dinner, especially when Jon had offered her to pick her up. “I didn’t want to trouble Jon….Mum….it’s only dinner. Yeah I know. You can just keep the lemon cake for tomorrow.“ Her mother had made lemon cake, especially for her. On the one hand, Sansa felt happy about it but on the other hand she hated her mother for thinking that Sansa’s kindness towards her could be 'bought' with her favourite cake. Sansa wasn’t a child anymore. It wouldn’t be enough to bake a cake when they had had a quarrel and pretend that everything would be alright again. But her mother acted like this. Like everything was alright, when it wasn’t. Sansa would have prefered if her mother was angry with her. At least that would have been honest. “No mum, no one has  to pick me up, I’ll just wait fort he next train…. No, no, that’s okay with me…. I’ll be fine don’t worry…yeah I’ll call if there are any news…yeah…enjoy dinner. Bye.“ 

Sansa finally hung up on her. Jesus, this woman made a fuss about everything. She wouldn’t be there for dinner…so what?! To be true, Sansa was quite glad that she would miss it. Arya was with Gendry, probably having pizza on the couch watching some zombie movie, so there would be no one at the dinner table daring to stop Robb’s monologues about work, uni and the upcoming wedding. Jesus…the wedding! In about one month her brother would be married. In the past, this fact would have saddened her, but now that she had lost him already, she didn’t really care. Robb wasn’t her dearest brother anymore, so why should she bother that he wouldn’t have much time for the family after the wedding. Today’s topic would probably be another planning scheme about the wedding. Oh Sansa wouldn‘t have been able to stand the happiness they would have spread. 

She left the train station crowded with angry business men, striving to get home to their families, to catch some fresh air outside. But fresh air wasn’t her only pursuit. Sansa sat on a bench and immediately lit a cigarette. She knew that she smoked more than she used to in the last few days but she didn’t care. She liked the taste of nicotine and she liked picturing herself with a cigarette in her hands, letting her appear more independent and sexy. She checked the time on her phone and realised that she had stayed much longer at Randa’s bookshop than she had expected. 

Well, they had a jolly good time. They had lemon cake and tea and Sansa had been able to pour out her heart to Randa, while Harry had dealt with all the costumers. Sansa had told her everything about the dinner party and the unexpected lunch. Randa possessed a very rare ability – listening. Sansa had been telling her story very lively without interruption. Maragaery had never accomplished to listen as long as Randa usually did. Sansa hadn’t shed a tear as she had told Randa about all the complication of yesterday evening and Randa did not roll her eyes or smirked devilish as Sansa had told her about kissing Stannis and the flirt with Petyr. She hadn’t even cried out in excitemnet as Sansa had told her about the haphazardly lunch they had had. Randa had been silent and only listening carefully to every word Sansa had said. Sansa had tried not to be too emotional about it but had tried to tell her story as it would belong to another person, to a friend of hers or her sister, to give Randa the most objective impression as possible. When Sansa had finished, Randa had nodded silently at first. She knew Sansa. Randa knew that she was tremendously emotional about something like this – about relationships, about men and about uncertainty. And uncertain relationships with men were probably the disaster beyond all expectations for Sansa. So Randa had grabbed another slice of lemon cake and more tea and then started to pump her. 

“What do you want Sansa,?“ she had asked and Sansa had feared that question from the very beginning. Since Sansa had no clue what she wanted she had answered: “I don’t know.“ 

“You don’t know yet.“ 

“What do you mean?“ 

“Not knowing what you want is a natural thing, Sans. Do you think I wanted to Harry immediately after he had asked me to marry him? I said yes, but my brain needed time to find an answer. It only felt right to say yes but I didn’t know if I truly wanted it. But the more time I spent with him, the more time passed I knew it was him that I wanted and I wondered why I ever doubted it.“ 

“You think I should date them?“ 

“If you feel like it, do it, if you don’t, then don’t. Howsoever you may decide, time will tell you what you want. You don’t have to pressure yourself so much. Just live and see what happens and like nobody’s business you’ll know what you want. I won’t push you into things…I only just give you one advise: switch your brain off and enjoy, no matter if Stannis or Petyr may like you for real or if you’re just surmise it. If you feel it it’s real, so just enjoy. Having two suiters is not the worst thing in the word.“

Sansa smiled in her cigarette, remembering Randa’s words. _She is right!_ Having two older handsome suiters is not the worst thing that every happened to her and yet something in the back of her head told her it actually was. Randa had given her the same advice as Arya was always giving her: just enjoy life. 

She watched the cars passing the station as she still sat on the bench, smoking her cigarette. There was a little stop- and- go traffic and Sansa took a closer look at the car drivers. She tried to invent stories about who they were and what their lifes you be like. Making up stories had always been something Sansa enjoyed. When she was still a child she had tried to play her game with Arya, but she had never worked out a good story and so Sansa had only played it on her own. Sometimes she wondered what story people would make up for her, but let go of the idea knowing she was probably the only person insane and childish enough to make up stories about strangers. 

She beheld a man past forty. His face was chubby and flushed and he was thinning out at the top. Only a few strands combed to the right of his head gave the impression that he didn’t go bald just yet. The car he was driving looked quite used. It was an old Mercedes with a few scratches and dents in this gold-bronze colour that even made the most beautiful car look cheesy. Nervously he tapped on his steering wheel like he couldn’t wait to be out of the city. He must be father, Sansa imagined, even it was hard to visualise this man putting children to bed with his stern look. He was probably unhappy with his job, earning too little money for too many extra hours. However, he had mouth to feed at home and Sansa was almost certain that he had a wife telling him that the family needed the money and that they couldn’t afford a new car, even if the man wanted one. Sansa pittied the man. He worked for nothing else but his family. He didn’t have a life only his family depending on his money. Then the man rode past Sansa and she knew she would never see him again. 

Next up she wanted to invent a more happy story. Then her eyes caught a black Jaguar. Sansa had a thing for cars and so she felt like it was her duty to make up a story for the driver. Sadly the windows were tined. Who would drive such a car? It could either be a rich man or his wife showing off how rich her husband was. Sansa liked the idea oft he proud posh rich wife. What would she wear? But before Sansa was able to develop her story any further, the Jaguar pulled over and one of the Jaguar’s car windows was cranked. It was not a posh wife sitting in this car – it was Petyr Baelish. 

“Did you get lost, sweetling?“ 

Did he call her sweetling?! _Oh jesus what is happening?_ Sansa just stared at him, sitting stock-still on the bench. What would she say. His intentions were clear to her as soon as he met his eyes.  His eyes were dark and full of yearning. He wanted her to be in the car - with him, alone. She just couldn’t get in his car. He was a stranger, maybe he would deal ill with her in the end like in one of these crime thrillers. No, she really shouldn’t get in the car. _Switch your brain off and enjoy,_ Randa’s words echoed in her head. Sansa had already fussed about the situation like her mother probably would have. _He asked you a question, stupid, just give him an answer._ However, Sansa already knew that simply giving him an answer wouldn’t be enough and as she got of the bench, throwing her cigarette on the ground, squashing it with her foot and triying to walk tantalising up to his car, she decided to play along his game. 

“Nice car,“ she said, sounding admiring and lightly turned on, “Jaguar F-Type, if I’m not mistaken.“ A faint smile played around his lips. “Do you need a ride,?“ Petyr asked without taking his eyes from her. Sansa already knew that he would offer her a ride sooner or later. _Switch your brain off and enjoy._ “Indeed I do,“ she answered with a sweet voice, “the trains are all late and I’m sick of waiting. Seems to me that your my knight in a shining armor.“ He cracked an almost warm laugher which made Sansa feel a little puzzled. Maybe not all about this man was wicked. And without hesitation she got into his car. 

As soon ad she closed the car door and sat in the sport seat Petyr Baelish floored the the accelerator and pulled ahead the other cars very jeopardously. Sansa felt these stitches in her belly, the same stitches she felt when she jumped from the dive tower. She didn’t like the feeling. A rush of adrenaline was more Arya’s thing than hers and she always tried to prevent actions that caused this uneasy feeling in her stomach. Sansa closed her eyes and lightly laid her hand on her belly in hope the stitches might leave. Her uneasiness embarrassed her. She sat in a car with a man and she acted like a little girl afraid of thrill. Probably he wanted to impress her but that backfired. Sansa liked to drive fast, yes, but she hated sharp acceleration. Slowly she got used to his style of driving and opened her eyes again. Even though Petyr drove hazardously, she felt safe with him. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. His eyes were fixed on the street and his hands were, softly and yet determined, clasped around the steering wheel. Sansa noticed that he looked a little tired withe the light wrinkles around his eyes. His skin seemed loose and somehow poor coloured. Has he already looked this exhausted at lunch? Sansa couldn’t tell. 

“So do I take you at home or to your boyfriend.“ His weary look was gone with his words and now his eyes seemed to aflame his whole body with vigour. Sansa almost didn’t get his flirty drift and was just about to lecture him that she didn’t have a boyfriend and ask why the hell he thought such a thing. In the end she knew that this wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “I don’t have a boyfriend,“ she said trying to sound lightly propositioning. Even she didn’t look at him, Sansa sensed the corners of his mouth twitching. “So home then.“ There wasn’t something judgmental about his tone and yet Sansa got the impression that he questioned her, like he wanted to challenge her to tell him the truth and not give him the answer a plain schoolgirl would give. Sansa didn’t want to go home. Imagining her family sitting around the dinner table and staring at her when she would get in late, and all this sallow talk they would have made her sick. No, Sansa didn’t want to be the good girl she always had to be. This night she decided to enjoy life. “No,“ she plainly said and suddenly felt released. If felt good to break the rules, to do what she wanted. Now it was Petyr’s turn to make something out of her courage not to do the proper thing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said...rather short BUT I felt like splitting it up because the next chapter will be Petyr POV *smirk*


	9. only human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as promised: next chapter and Petyr POV. Have fun! ;)

_I didn’t push her into anything. She told herself she didn’t want to go home._ Petyr’s hands tensed around the steering wheel. He didn’t know what it was about Sansa Stark that haunted him so much. Maybe it was her her hair and her looks that remembered him of Cat, or maybe it had been her offensive flirt at the uni, that had given him the feeling to be wanted. Maybe it was both. Petyr had to admit he was not bad looking and there had been a few women on his doorstep. But with women it was like with beer. If you don’t drink your beer fast and grab a new one, the taste will stagnate. Petyr had grabbed quite a lot of beers during the last few years but as soon as the taste was stagnant, he took a new one. Women bored him just as much as men. People were so predeictable in his view. On the one hand Petyr liked that he was able to read through peoples’ masks and figure out their next moves, but on the other hand it sometimes bored him to death. He strived to be challenged to be one his best behaviour. Life was a game and he got bored of winning. If he wouldn’t find a worthy adversary he would rust, just like a car only standing in a garage, not been driven on the highway. 

And somehow Sansa Stark had managed to surprise him. The fact that she had dared to flirt with him at the uni had rather impressed him. Okay, Petyr somehow had wanted to distract her, to make her flirt with him, just for fun, but he hadn’t expect her to haul out guns this big. She had actually tried to make him jealous by using Sandor Cleagane. This boy definitely had a thing for Sansa and she had just used him to make her appear more desirable. _What a cruel thing to do at a boy who’s actually in love with you._ Maybe she had learnt that from her mother. Cat had been to one who made him believe that she had liked him but in the end she had chosen Eddard Stark. And still Petyr hadn’t judged Sansa for using Sandor Cleagane. He had enjoyed it. Now he hadn’t been the one been used, this time he had been the object of desire, like Eddard Stark has been Cat’s object of desire. 

Since that day, Sansa had been stuck in his mind. He had been told that Sansa was a beautiful girl, but he had never imagined that she would be more beautiful than her mother. Petyr had thought this wouldn’t even be possible. Although Petyr had let go of Cat years ago, she still had been the most beautiful woman in his eyes - till he met Sansa. He had been lying in his bed with Sansa in mind very often, blaming himself to desire a girl, yes a girl, so much younger than him. He had never be dick-driven but somehow he wanted Sansa more than anything. Sansa was like a poison spreading through his veins. It had been difficult for him to give the finance lecture after their encounter. He had had to focus on his voice not breaking, on his eyes not moving to Sansa all the time, on his mind not drifting from basics about the stock market to Sansa bending forward, to grab her books from the floor, letting her butt appear in a favourable light. Why had he been so obsessed with her? Petyr had thought himself ill this day. He had just wanted her light for his cigarette and actually thought it would be fun to play a little with the Stark girl. In the end, it had been her playing with him. Her challenging him. And Petyr had wanted more of that even it made him feel sick because she remembered him of Cat and the pain that Cat had caused. 

It was crazy. Petyr had wanted a girl he didn’t even know. He had exchanged no word with Sansa only glances. But that had been enough for him to arouse more than interest. He had began to question himself. He didn’t understand himself any longer. The last time he had had such foolish feeling for a girl it had come to a bed end and he had sworn to himself not to feel such things ever again. He had broken his vows with Sansa in his mind, kissing him. He had to accept his feelings, the same feelings he had had for her mother, only stronger because they had been locked away for year. As he had watched her out of a dark corner at the dinner party, he had been amazed by her looks. Even she must haven been only twenty or so, she looked so much like a woman. Her long auburn hair, her blue eyes, her curves. He had wanted every single bit of her that night. However, as he had watched her sneaking of with Stannis he couldn’t believe his eyes. It had been certain that there was some kind of bond between them. The way Stannis had looked at her, and even worse, the way Sansa had looked at him - had all the people been blind to see what was going on between them. And this evening, Petyr had felt the same stitches in his heart again, hurting him to much to bare. But he had had his role to play and so hadn’t let down his mask, even if he had wanted to. He had thought himself stupid, stupid to thing that this girl hadn’t been spoken for. But why Stannis of all men that lived on this earth. Why Stannis Baratheon, the most grim and cold man Petyr had ever met. He actually hated Stannis Baratheon since he had first laid eyes on him but now he hated him even more. It was not even hate, it was something even worse than hate he felt towards him, that words weren’t able to describe. 

As he had met her on the patio, drunk and helpless, he had felt like the luckiest guy in the world. There she had been, on her feet, ready to eat from the palm of his hand. Oh, she had been so utterly drunk and Petyr hadn’t cared. Usually he didn’t like the way alcohol effected peoples’ minds but Sansa…he could have taken her right there. The way she had looked at him, with her dark blue eyes yearning for something she had never experienced before. At first he had tried to play with her, to confuse her. His intention had been to simply have a conversation with her, to get to know her better, but in the end his animal needs prevailed. She had even pressed herself closer to him as he had been near her. She had moaned as he had touched her, closed her eyes to get lost in her fantasies. Petyr still didn’t know how he had managed not to rip all of her clothes off. He had wanted to make her moan his name, he had wanted to explore her body with his rough hands. She had been drunk and surely she would have been persuaded easily. However, Petyr still had manners even if he was a devilish little scut. He hadn’t wanted to take advantage of her intoxication, she would probably never forgive him for it, even she had wanted him at this very moment. No, something deep inside Petyr had stopped him from ‚using‘ her. If he ever put cock inside her she would have to beg him to do so, in a sober state of course. _You are disgusting! Thinking of fucking a girl much younger than you who is sitting just directly next to you in your own car._

_P_ etyr tried to concentrate on the road. It was getting dark outside and the sun was about to set. The sky was filled with clouds which appeared to be soaked with thick red wine, sagging in the air. The city light seemed to become brighter with every second and Petyr was blinded by the intesity. His eyelids felt heavy and a great tiredness spread though his whole body. He had started the day early with too little sleep. Actually Petyr didn’t need much sleep, but there was something bothering him. Petyr knew exactly what it was but he didn’t even dared to think about it in fear by thinking about it, it might be more real, even more stuck in his head. He had been better off with all his feelings locked deep inside of him but now they had been set free and there was no way to stop them. 

When Sansa had suddenly joint them for lunch sooner this day, Petyr had been happy. Jesus, when did he feel happy lately?! Normally a business lunch was a boring thing but with Sansa in sight it had been bearable. And now she was sitting in his car, wishing not to go home but spend time with him, Petyr Baelish. But what did she want to do with him? Probably not the things that Petyr had in mind. Jesus, how old was she again. _You have never been a man concerned with the age of a woman, Petyr._ And yet Sansa’s age concerned him, not knowing if she was still a virgin. _Probably Stannis has claimed her._ Petyr clenched his teeth thinking of Stannis having this pleasure. Why was he all of a sudden thinking so much. She was having him under her spell and that was something he wasn’t used to. Usually he was the leader of chaos. _So be the leader._

“So if I don’t drive you home…where shall I drive you?“ He didn’t dare to show Sansa his self-consciousness, he was a way to good player for that. And she was a way too innocent to see what she was doing to him. He knew that she didn’t have a plan where she wanted to go but he enjoyed mocking her just as much as he enjoyed looking at her. She bit her lips in uncertainty and Petyr couldn’t help but smile. She was too sweet to stand. “We could just drive,“ she suggested insecurely. _Clever girl, passing the task of choosing to me._ “Are you hungry,?“ he asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well,…I think lunch already exceeded my nutrition plans,“ she said. _For christ sake, why did woman always think themselves fat._ “But you’re hungry..,“ Petyr wondered. “Of course, I am,“ Sansa laughed, “I’m just a little concerned..well, lately I have to pay a little more attention to what I eat, but in the end I don’t.“ “You don’t need to anyway.“ His dry words must have touched her more than he had expected. She turned towards him and gifted him with a sweet smile. “Thank you,“ she almost whispered. _So she wants to have dinner with you._ Petyr felt his heart beating a little faster. _Focus Petyr, you can’t simply take her for dinner in public._ Having dinner in public was too risky, especially for him as the new chief executive of _Vale Asset Consulting._ He couldn’t afford a scandal in the newspapers. He already pictured the headlines: Chief executive of _Vale Asset_ having a fling with daughter of _Baratheon_ Vice-president - future business fusion or fun time behind daddy’s back. No, if they had dinner together he would have to take her to his own home. _Oh I can’t wait to see her face about this offer._ “I’ll make us some dinner,“ Petyr said with a hidden smile. And there it was - that confused and overwhelmed look on her face. She tried to hide it but Petyr noticed it anyway. “At your home,?“ she stammered with big eyes. “Well, I could also cook at your home,“ he joked, trying to calm her a little. It worked - she cracked a laugh and her face relaxed. “Fine,“ she smiled with her eyes full of joy, “as long as you treat me nicely.“ Petyr laughed again. He would treat her anything but nicely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was just my first Petyr POV.I was a little scared to post it but I felt like writing Petyr's POV because he is emotionally messed up and I just wanted it to share with you guys. I know it might be a little too emotional but GRRM has never written a Petyr POV and in my view he's just very sensitive because of all the pain that Cat caused. So if you disagree with me let me know but for me beneath Petyr's rough exterior beats a heart of gold.


	10. inception

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!!! Finally a new chapter. I'm so so sorry that it took me so long to upload it but I was on holiday and stuff. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and at the end I have a nice anecdote for you from my holiday.

Never in her life had she seen a person cutting carrots as smoothly as Petyr Baelish did, not even her mother. There was something about him preparing dinner that enthralled her. The way he handled the different knifes to cut the vegetables and the meat let him a appear like an expert chef, like preparing food was the easiest thing in the word. Sansa leaned on the kitchen counter with her eyes fixed on his hands. His hands were either big nor small, either soft nor rough. They reminded Sansa of several Michelangelo sketches because they were quite defined and appeared muscular while cutting the carrots. “Are you going to stare forever,“ she heard him smiling. Sansa averted her gaze from his hands to his face and once again she noticed how handsome he was. He was still wearing his anthracite coloured suit and his hair was still in shape, not a single strand sticking out. Sansa felt her cheeks becoming red again. With her fingers she combed nervously through her hair in hope that would calm her a little. She still couldn’t believe that she was at Petyr’s home - at her finance teacher’s home. No this evening he was only Petyr, only Petyr. 

“I’m sorry,“ Sansa said shyly. “Staring is not a crime,“ he mocked her. “I just..,“ she began, “I have never seen a man cutting carrots that beautifully.“ “I didn’t know there was a beautiful way of cutting carrots.“ Sansa escaped a light laugher. His mocking was almost the sweetest thing about him. It made her feel like he had known her for her whole life and like she had fancied him since forever. “Why don’t you look around the flat,“ he recommended while putting all the vegetables in the oven. “Don’t you want to show me around,?“ Sansa teased. Petyr smiled lightly but it didn’t reached his eyes.

“I think you can manage on your own. I still have to prepare the meat.“ 

“Is this your usual routine when you invite a woman? Letting her look around the house, cooking dinner for her and then…“

“Have sex with her?“ 

Sansa did not expect him to be so outspoken. Usually she had blushed at such words but she couldn’t afford to appear childish. _Play his game._ “Yes,“ Sansa affirmed and slowly walked around the kitchen counter to stand directly in front of him. She looked him deeply in the eyes, finding a hidden smile in them. He was close to her now and she could smell his minty breath again. “It’s a quite effective routine,“ he said with his deep husky voice. His words shocked Sansa a little but she tried to hide it from her face. Was he treating her like all the other women he had invited? Not for a second did Sansa think that he behaved like this around other women. There was something special between them, Sansa was not able to describe, but it was there, somewhere between everywhere and nowhere. Sansa took his hand, the one she had been staring at just a few moments ago. It was soft and warm and she could swear that he held his breath as she took it. Sansa dared to get one step closer and she felt the warmth that radiated from his torso. Petyr gave her that yearning look which was enough for Sansa to know that she was not like the other women. “So you treat me just like every women you invite here.“ She bit her lip and begged him with her eyes to say no. “Usually I don’t let them look around the house on their own.“ His face was calm and he did not flutter for once. “So everyone gets a guided tour except me. Why is that.“ She played with his fingers and saw him watching her do so. His mask could not hide his cravings and Sansa felt quite powerful. He would do anything for her at this moment. “I trust you,“ he almost whispered and then detached from her.  Sansa was touched by his words. He trusted her. Petyr Baelish trusted her and something deep insider her told her that he was not lying about it. For a few seconds she just stood there, watching him in awe preparing the meat.  She could look at him forever. “Maybe I’ll make staring a crime,“ he joked without glancing at her. She laughed and took his eyes of him. 

Everything appeared more real when he was not in her sight. With him around everything looked like a dream - blurred and starry. Sansa left the open kitchen taking a look out of the huge windows. Petyr Baelish owned a penthouse. Of course he owned a penthouse. Sansa was able to behold the whole skyline of Kings Landing through the window front. In the dark she liked it even better than in daylight. The sky was dark, washed with black tint, letting the light shining through the windows of the skyscrapers appear even brighter. The city was alive and behind every little enlighten window stashed a story. Sansa first examined the residential houses as she eyed the _Baratheon & Co. _Tower. The lights were still on on the upper floors. Knowing that Stannis’ office was on the supreme floor, she wondered what he was still doing at work at this time. She could not blame him. As far as Sansa knew Shireen was currently at the hospital and so there was only his wife waiting for him at home. But maybe he wasn’t working anymore, maybe he was in company of his affair - making good for the refusal at midday. Sansa softly shook her head. _Don’t think about Stannis._

“You have a beautiful view over the skyline here,“ she shouted in hope Petyr would hear her in the kitchen. Hearing his voice would banish the thought of Stannis having sex in his office. “Go upstairs,“ Petyr called back. “Why? I’ll be even further away from you than I’m already,“ she teased with her eyes still fixed on the light radiating from the _Baratheon & Co. _tower. “Trust me, sweetling,“ she heard him answering and could swear that he had a light smile on his lips. _Sweetling._ Sansa liked the way he called her. She averted her gaze from the skyline and headed through a huge room, which must haven been the living room judged by the extremely comfortable looking couch and the huge curved TV placed in there. There was even a futuristic looking fireplace. Sansa had to admit that everything looked very stylish. The furnishing was thoroughly modern and yet rendered the rustical pieces of furniture a vintage touch. However, the upscale look didn’t make up for the deadness hovering around the rooms. No pictures of his family, friends or even a person were to be found, only expensive paintings. Sansa felt like in a show flat, trapped in perfectness, and nonetheless she liked it there. Nothing detracted her from the furnishing or the paintings. His whole penthouse was like a piece of art itself and Sansa was a part of it.  

She went upstairs a circular stair leading to a kind of balcony located inside the living room. By walking along the balcony she noticed that the living room looked even more sterile from a bird’s-eyes view. Everything was placed in perfect composition. At the end of the corridor was a huge wooden door with beautifully carved ornaments. It appeared heavy and old and Sansa wondered what was hidden behind it. Carefully she opened the door and recognised that it was indeed quite heavy. The room she entered was dark and she groped for the light switch. As the light spread through every dark corner, Sansa eyes were full of inconceivability. The room was small, smaller than she expected, but full of unforeseen things. Wherever her eyes went she only saw books, books in huge wooden shelves, engraved with floristic ornaments. As the heavy door closed behind her she felt like she has entered a different world. She was not at Petyr Baelish’s home any longer. She felt too familiar to be at a stranger’s home. It was her home she had entered. Her own paradise. Automatically she wanted to grab a book and let her eyes wander over all the backs of the books. The majority of the titles were unknown to her. Most of them sounded like history books and Sansa was astonished that she did not find a single book about economics, finance, business or any of that boring stuff. After what appeared like ages to her she finally found a novel. It was Jane Austens’s _Pride and Prejudice._ Hardly did she magnate to stifle a laugher as she took the book from the shelf. A man reading Jane Austen was a rare thing to experience these days. Men commonly did not even know who Jane Austen was. She recognised that Petyr owned every single Austen book and she wondered if he had really read them or if they had been unsolicited gifts. In the end Sansa did not care. She ensconced herself in a huge leather armchair and started to read. 

 

_It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife._

 

 

How often Sansa had laughed about this sentence. Maybe it had been a truth universally acknowledged but nowadays it was not, in her opinion. Men did not strive for a wife but for a woman’s flesh and nothing more. 

 

Everything around her made her feel cozy and warm. Her cheeks were slightly flushing and her eyes did not avert from a single line. Even she had read _Pride and Prejudice_ more than once she turned the pages quickly as she could not wait to know what would happen on the next one. All the tension in her body was gone with one single blink, all her worries vanished. She got lost in a story she was aware of not being real. Never would she meet Mr. Darcy, never would she be as beautiful as Elizabeth. However, Sansa knew as long as she would continue reading she would be fine, rapped up in a surreal world. When the last line would be read and her head would lift from behind the pages, she would be back in reality. In a reality she would expect to be like the surreal world. Sometimes this hurt the most and Sansa had often thought about of going cold turkey with reading because of this. In the end, it never worked out. Reading was a desire she could never suppress. It was as much a part of her as her family. _I have always been an imaginative girl and I will always be._

 

“Maybe it was a bad idea to let you walk around on your own.“ 

 

Sansa did not know how many pages she had already turned but it must have been quite a lot. As Petyr Baelish’s voice echoed through the small library her eyes averted the book pages reflexively. His voice had drawn her out of Netherfield Park back into the cruel reality. But by the time their eyes met reality did not seem to be cruel at all. Sansa discovered his lips slightly curled. He was not wearing his jacket any longer and his shirt was unbuttoned around his throat. His sleeves were also rolled up and he appeared not as starchy as usual but more casual. Petyr Baelish was a slim man and yet muscles silhouetted underneath his white shirt. Sansa must have starred for longer than appropriate when she noticed Petyr Baelish raising his eyebrow in a ribbing way. _He caught you starring!_ Sansa felt a little embarrassed and got up to put the book back into the shelve. She took heed of turning her back to him for a short time so he would not notice her blushed cheeks. _Well, he’s nice to look at, which he’s most probably aware of._

 

“Is dinner ready,?“ she turned to him rakishly, “I’m starving.“ Her legs turned to jelly as he came to up to her, walking as elegant as a regal panther. As he finally approached, his blackish green eyes were so close Sansa could have drowned in them. He took her cold hand softly stroking her palm with his thumb. His touch felt like fire, enlightening her whole body with spiritedness. “I can’t have you die at my own home. I don’t have the time to undergo a trial.“ Sansa expected him to crack a light smile but his mask of wickedness did not screw. Her cheeks flushed with heat once more because his tenderness was too much to bear. Petyr turned away from her heading towards the old wooden heavy door. “I don’t want to drag you out of here but if you gave me no other choice..,“ he said by looking over his shoulder. The daze caused by Petyr’s touch slowly let go of Sansa and instead of only hearing she started to listen again. “There’s no need for dragging me.“ As she walked towards him she recognised him still looking over his shoulder not taking his eyes of her. “Not yet, “ he smiled dryly. _How could a man be so devilish and charming at the same time._

 

Sansa followed him out of the library along the balcony and down the stairs without another word. His presence still mesmerised her. Her head told her not to look closely at him but her eyes wouldn’t stop staring. From behind he seemed like a man in his late twenties with lightly broad shoulders and a slim waist, inviting her to embrace her arms around him. _Why isn’t he married?_ As hard as Sansa thought about it she could not find a consistent answer to her question. This man was handsome, intelligent and rich, a man every woman strived for. _Maybe he is gay and I misinterpreted his conducts._ No, a man like Petyr Baelish could not be gay - womankind would definitely miss something. Sansa imagined him to be a good lover. He would probably spend money freely on his beloved and indulge her every whim, but at night he probably became the devil himself. She did not know why the thought of him having sex with a woman occurred in her mind, yet it was there. Her cheeks went red again full of shame. When she still had been in a relationship with Joffrey only the thought of secret affairs had disgusted her. Joffrey touching her whole body was the worst thing she had ever imagined. However, now the thought of intercourse did not nauseated her but made her curious. What would it be like to be so close with someone? 

 

As Sansa wanted to take the last stair Petyr offered her his hand and she took it gladly. If she had worn a ball dress she would have been grateful for his assistance but with her skinny jeans and her white shirt on, his action almost appeared needless. “Thank you,“ she whispered sweetly. They crossed the living room side by side. “I hope you like beef,“ he said with a raised eyebrow. “I like any kind of meat,“ Sansa replied without considering the latent ambiguity of her words. “I’m sure you do,“ Petyr laughed and softly pushed her into the dinning room. Sansa almost fainted as she entered it. The sight of the skyline, the food perfectly draped on slates, the bickering flaming candles and the jazz music in the background blew her away like a typhoon. This was all for her, he had created the whole atmosphere only for her and she was appreciative. Even if all this was only a lie, even if he was only trying to twist her around his little finger, she was grateful, grateful that she only once in her life had the joy of feeling darling. Sansa failed to choke back a little sigh. “Are you alright,“ Petyr asked slightly concerned and laid his hand on her arm. He must have misread her behaviour and Sansa wanted to sigh again only because of his protective reaction. “No, I’m fine,“ she nearly whimpered and turned to him. His face was close and she could see that a little strain left his muscles. “I’ve just never seen…Thank you Petyr.“ A small wicked smile played around his lips. “Well,“  he said mischievously, “you are more than welcome.“ He put a chair in place for Sansa and she tried to sit down as neat as possible. Her clothes made her feel awkward and underdressed and she wished she had chosen a more elegant outfit this morning. But who would have thought that her day would end like this. She had only intended to meet Randa in the city and had never guessed she would have lunch with business man and certainly not having dinner with her finance professor, or should she call him her crush. Oh, he definitely had more than her attention but she did not dare to admit it. Her eyes were fixed on the _Baratheon & Co. _tower as she sat there abashed by her choice of clothes. Stannis would have come into her mind again if Petyr had not sat down facing her. He blocked her view on the beautiful skyline and Sansa was not upset about it at all.

 

Petyr looked her straight in the eye, whereas Sansa only played nervously with the chopsticks placed next to the slate. “Don’t tell me you have never eaten with chopsticks,“ he mocked her sweetly and Sansa dared to meet his eyes again. There was nothing particularly kind in his look and yet his cheeks deformed in a gentle way. “Of course I have,“ Sansa replied honestly. Actually she enjoyed eating with chopsticks even more than with fork and knife. Sensing Petyr’s eyes on her hand playing with the sticks she felt provoked to take the first bite. The taste of grilled green asparagus, sweet chili beef and sesame filled her mouth. For just one moment she believed she had never tasted anything better before in her entire life. Never had she expected him to be such a good cook and she continued eating with relish. “You like it,?“ Petyr asked as he took a sip of his wine. “It’s bearable,“ Sansa teased and made him swallow up a little. Sansa could not retain a small giggle and took her own wine glass in her hands. “You’re not used to hitting back, are you?“ Appreciatively she brought her wine glass to her lips and took a sip of the red Dornish wine. There it was again. The dark sparkle in Petyr Baelish’s eyes telling her that she was the most adorable woman on earth. “No, I’m not,“ he said with a voice more husky than ever, “do you at least enjoy the wine?“ “I don’t really have a thing for wine,“ she continued with a delicate wink, “what do you expect me to say. It’s very fruit driven with a wonderful play of acidity and luscious sweetness on the finish?!“ Petyr Baelish’s laugher echoed through the dinning room. It was a hearty laugher not fitting his perennial wicked attitude. “No that would probably be white wine,“ he still grinned. “See,“ Sansa called out, “the only thing that I can tell you about this wine is that it is Dornish.“ “If your knowledge of wine is indeed as poor as you implied, how do you know it’s Dornish wine then.“ Petyr raised an eyebrow eager to hear her explanation. “Deduction,“ Sansa plainly said taking another bite of the beef, “you’re not this type of man who buys wine in a discounter.“ 

He settled back on his seat, his wine glass in his hands enjoying her sight. “Enlighten me then. What kind of man am I.“ His devious look made Sansa feel like she has gone too far even she knew he was only playing with her. She put her chopsticks aside in want of another sip of wine. Tensely her fingers stroke up and down the glass stem. _What does he want to hear? How adorable he is?!_ No, Sansa was well aware that he was already conscious about that. This man was an enigma with a chance never to be solved. “I don’t know yet,“ Sansa replied biting her lower lip and with her eyes fixed on her fingers playing with the stem. Her words would not satisfy him, she fathomed and they did not even satisfy herself. She knew she could do better. By casting up her eyes temptingly she recgonised his curious eyes focused on her hungry for more words. “You are elegant,“ she started pretending him to be just another piece of art to be analysed easily, “eloquent, sharp…“ He cracked a smile giving Sansa just enough motivation to go one. “sly and some kind of wicked.“ “How very kind of you,“ Petyr replied spitefully. A little smile played around Sansa’s lips seeing him being a little defiant about her words. “And yet,“ she continued full of joy that he had given her the impression that her point of view was important to him, “you are most charming.“ Now he was the one playing with the stem of his wine glass, his eyes casted down and a light smirk on his face looking like he would forge out a new vicious plan. With just one blink his eyes were fixed on her again making Sansa feel like she was in a cage and he was on the outside watching his pet. 

“Why did you flirt with me when I asked you for a lighter,?“ he asked waspishly, “why would you flirt with your teacher.“ His words hit Sansa like a knife cutting through fresh meat. Was he able to read her mind? Sansa still had not figured out an answer to this question and it seemed to her that she never would. Knowing that he was challenging her she tried not to lose her face in thoughtfulness. “Why“ was a word she did not like. Why this, why that. Why had there always to be an answer to every question. _Don’t think about why. Just give him another piece of meat he can chew on._   “I didn’t know you were my teacher,“ she answered with a flattery look softly sucking one of her chopstick presenting her full lips at her best. Distraction has always been the best solution to stop a conversation going in the wrong direction ever since. “Well, you didn’t stop as it came to your knowledge.“ _How can I be so stupid. Of course your charms doesn’t work on him._ Instead of taking a closer glance at her lips Petyr Bealish only smirked full of amusement. Sansa had no other option, she had to give him an answer and again she said: “I don’t know.“ He raised an eyebrow looking half disappointed and half questioning by her answer. “Am I not allowed to do what I want,“ Sansa defied in hope she would sound like one of these strong independent women in the movies, “what does it matter to you anyway?“ Sansa would have loved nothing better than to give herself a pat on the back for her words had sounded more self-confident and intent than expected. “Just admit that you like me sweeting,“ he said facetiously paying more attention to his food now. Sansa could not believe it. Even the way he brought the chopsticks to his mouth, the way he chew fascinated her. How could one man be so elegant? 

“Fine,“ Sansa sighted a little tiered of his games, “I like you, Mr. Baelish.“ A sweet victory blazed in his eyes and somehow it comforted Sansa to see him happy. However, instead of returning her compliment he shook his head softly with a vague smile. “Petyr,“ he replied. It still felt a little strange to Sansa calling him Petyr and nonetheless she looked him deeply in the eye and whispered his name affirmatively in her wine glass. He seemed satisfied with her act and the wrinkles around his eyes flattened. “And what about you,“ Sansa teased in a quite tantalising way, “don’t you like me, Petyr?“ She didn’t know where she had found the courage to ask such a question. Probably the alcohol was already affecting her head and Sansa decided to put the wine glass aside for a moment. A smirk loomed around his face. Now it was Sansa who could not wait for an answer. Unexpectedly he laid his hand on the table just as close to hers that he was able to stroke her palm softly with his fingers again. “Oh sweetling,“ he said with a deep coarse voice making her flesh crawl, “Iiking is no characteristic of mine.“ And there it was again, that strange haunting feeling that hit Sansa like a cold knife in the heart. She frowned her brow lightly. Petyr still stoke her hand but somehow it did not calm her down any longer but set her in a state of tension. “Let’s smoke,“ he exclaimed and got up his chair swiftly. No sooner said than done he stood next to her offering his hand again. This time Sansa was not so sure if she should take it. Nonetheless, she took it and Petyr leaded them both outside on the balcony. 

 

It has gotten quite chilly and Sansa crossed her arms in front go her breast to shield herself against the light wind. “Are you cold,?“ Petyr asked immediately as he lit his cigarette. “I’m fine,“ Sansa answered still a little restrained while Petyr looked around as if he searched for something in particular. “Ah there it is.“ He walked over to the loungers next to the small pool. Sansa almost rolled her eyes. This penthouse was definitely too good to be true. Petyr Baelish lived in one of these apartments that she had believed only to be owned by these men who seduce women in a romantic comedy, and she still could not tell if she liked it or if she just found it absolutely hilarious. Sansa followed him a little closer to the pool and Petyr almost bumped into her as he turned around again. “I’m sorry,“ Sansa automatically whispered feeling a little awkward being so close to him again. Her sight dropped to the ground in fear his proximity could make her powerless once more. Petyr handed her a grey pullover and she took it gladly. As she turned away slipping the pullover on she recognised how much it smelled of him. Sansa inhaled the smell of mint and smoke and dared to face him again. Petyr already kept a cigarette for her in readiness. His smile was vague, his look penetrating. With the lights radiating from the skyscrapers in the background he almost looked like Leonardo DiCaprio in the Great Gatsby however not raising a glass of champagne but a Marlboro. She could have looked at him forever. Reaching out for the cigarette it came to her mind that she should give thanks to him for giving her the pullover. 

“Thank you Petyr,“ she almost whispered and put the cigarette between her lips. Petyr did not replied verbally but only with a bitter sweet curl on his lips. For a few moments they only smoked watching clouds passing by and the squashing their cigarettes in the ashtray nearby. “Do you live here alone,?“ Sansa asked not being able to stand the silence any longer. She had to admit that she missed listening to his voice and somehow she even missed their tenderness. All the awkwardness was forgotten.  He almost answered in laughter. “Yes,“ he replied stretching the letters like a snake. “Why,“ Sansa wanted to know, “you could be married, have children…“ She watched Petyr closely as he smiled in his last pull on his cigarette. “Marriage wouldn’t suit me,“ he plainly said with his eyes still fixed on the skyline. “Any girlfriend,?“ Sansa pressed on with a raised eyebrow. His answer was simple again: “No.“ _Jackpot!_ “But you could have every woman you want,“ Sansa expounded. “Not every woman,“ he answered almost with a melancholy tone. 

Then he finally glimpsed at her again and Sansa found something in his eyes she had never seen before. It was defeat. Like a long hidden mental scar it shimmered in his eyes. Sansa waited not for a second and flung his arms around him. Her act came as unexpected to him as it came to her. She had felt the desire to comfort him for she somehow could not bear to see him in pain. Softly she layed her face on his breast and felt his heart beating unusually fast. After a few moment he caressed her back by wrapping his strong arms around her torso. His face was dropped away in her curls of auburn hair and she heard him inhaling her scent. Sansa pressed herself even closer to him as he gently ran with his fingers through her hair. His closeness and tenderness made her feel like she had never felt before. She felt save and complete, nothing she had ever experienced in her life. When she had been a little girl she had felt save in her farther’s arms but this was different. With Petyr’s arms around her she felt like a treasure he had found and would never give away again. His fingers stopped playing with her hair and started to stroker her cheek which made her look up to him. His face was so near Sansa was able to detected every wrinkle and every single hair of his beard. His dark eyes bored through her and she started to become powerless again. She put all her weight on him and closed her eyes so that she could focus on his touch. His soft strokes let her whole body prickle and she had to pull herself together not to groan in easing. “Open your eyes,“ Petyr demanded with a soft chesty voice. How could she ever refuse him. Sansa slowly casted up her eyes and the moment their eyes met Sansa never wanted to be without him. His eyes gave her that look that every woman strived for, telling her how precious she was, telling her that she meant the world to him, that if she ever turned away he would wait for life in hope she would return. All this happened by surprise and Sansa did not really know how to manage the situation other than just floating with it. Petyr held her cautiously tied and no perception of offense rose in Sansa, which had always risen when Joffrey or any other man had tried to touch her. His hand on her back gave her stability and she doubted he would slid it down to her bum, even she wished for it at this very moment. The other hand stroking her cheek gingerly ran over to her lips and traced her contours delicately. Sansa closed her eyes again to concentrate on not groaning. His touch set her whole body on fire and the fire spread with every further stroke. Her stomach was overloaded with what most people must have called butterflies but for Sansa it more felt like eagles for butterflies could not beat their wings as heavy as her tummy rumbled. The excitement caused by Petyr’s sensual touch made her core ache for more. She pressed her abdomen as close to him as possible and found relief in feeling his slight hardness between her legs. Now there was no way that Sansa could retain herself and she breathed out his name yearningly. Just for a short moment she opened her eyes again only too see that Petyr’s face was closer than she had expected with his lips almost on hers. Their eyes were leering at each other and Sansa wanted nothing more than to get lost in his dark green eyes. Her hand moved up his torso to the back of his head, which she started to fondle lightly. Petyr vaguely looked on the ground and then examined her shortly before he pressed his lips on hers. Everything felt so surreal to Sansa like it was not her he was kissing but someone else and she was just watching. His kiss was gentle but determent and Sansa could not help but smile into his kiss for her whole body was filled with happiness. She pushed his head even closer to hers and he accepted her invitation gladly. Petyr intensified the kiss by pressing his lips even stronger against hers. Sansa moaned silently as he bit her lower lip softly and she opened her mouth for him. She got totally lost in his kiss and liked the warmth of his tongue. His hands were now lying on her waist grasping excitingly in her flesh holding her tight to him. His mouth flit down her neck kissing and biting every single piece of skin that came near to him. Sansa moaned his name more than once and she felt his hardness more marked between her legs. In hope to find satisfaction she rubbed herself against him but it only set her desire more on fire. She heard him moaning her name against her neck and she knew that he wanted her. Just imagining him fucking her made her knickers more wet than they probably already were. But with her desire came also fear. She could not hide the fact that she was still a virgin and she never regretted it as much as at this particular moment. She just could not throw her maidenhead away. She wanted it to give to someone special, someone who truly loved her. 

All of a sudden she let go of him and turned away with her eyes on skyline. However Petyr would not abandon the field so easily. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and laid his head on her shoulder. His touch calmed her and she dared to turn her head towards him to catch a glimpse on his profile. His look was serene and a faint smile played around his lips. Sansa leaned her head against his closing her eyes shortly just listening to him breathing. “You know,“ she stared to whisper, “this could have been mine.“ She pointed at The Rock with one hand whereas the other one was held by Petyr. “Do you really think a relationship with Joffrey Baratheon would have made you inherit The Rock.“ His tone was mocking an yet somehow understanding. “How do you know about my relationship with Joffrey?“ Sansa wanted to release herself from his arms around her so she could look him in the eye but Petyr did not let her move. He kept her in his arms making them both look at the skyline. “I know everything,“ he breathed in her ear and kissed it softly, “so did you really think by sleeping with Joffrey The Rock would be yours.“ _I didn’t sleep with Joffrey!_ Sansa wanted to shout at him, telling him that she was not this kind of girl but instead she kept calm. _He just wants to provoke you just keep on talking._ “You know it might sound strange and childish,“ she started to explain, “but I really thought I would marry Joffrey one day and would become a very powerful woman. I would have been the wife of a very influencing CEO and I would have been able to go inside The Rock whenever I would have wanted to.“ Petyr silently laughed in her ear. “I didn’t know that it was power you wanted.“ “I don’t want power,“ Sansa said, “I just don’t want to be a doll and Joffrey made me one even if I didn’t expected it“ 

With a sudden move Petyr turned her towards him so that she was finally able to look him in the eye again. The desire was still burning inside Sansa and she could see that it still burned in Petyr too. “If you want your own tower I’ll have one built for you,“ Petyr exclaimed quietly stroking her cheek again. Sansa could not help but smiling triumphantly. “You would really build a tower for me,?“ she asked enticingly. “No I would give someone the money to do so.“ Sansa laughed warmly. Petyr’s hand ran through her hair again trying to pull her closer. “I’m a virgin.“ Sansa didn’t know what made her say that but she had in some way felt the urge to tell him not being able to stand the physical tension between them any longer. “I know,“ Petyr plainly replied. “How do you know,“ Sansa raised an eyebrow. Had her seductive performance been so bad? “I told you, sweetling,“ he whispered presumptuously in her ear again, “I know everything.“ 

Sansa smiled mischievously. “I don’t think so.“ She wrapped her arms around him as tight as possible and dragged them both into the pool. As they fell Sansa could not choke a laughter. Peter’s mask cracked at last and he had looked half bugged half amused as he understood what she had been doing. The water was freezing cold and Sansa was not able to breath for a second. The cold was cutting into her flesh like knifes but all this did not matter to her. Just seeing Petyr forgetting about his superior self has been worth the pain. As Sansa surfaced she tried to stroke as much hair out of her face as possible so she could rub her eyes to catch a glimpse of Petyr. And there he stood, dripping wet, his shirt silhouetting every single muscle of his torso. If Sansa had not been so gloating she would have been highly turned on. “Didn’t know that, did you,“ Sansa laughed still trying to organize her hair. Petyr only glanced at her reflections on the water appearing quite perplex which made Sansa giggle even more. By standing there stiff as a poker, not even blinking an eye, in contrapposto, Sansa believed him to be more than only human. He looked like a god, like a sculpture carved out of the finest marble. The distance between them drove Sansa nearly nuts. Petyr did not even raise his eyes as she crawled towards him. 

And then there she stood, close enough to kiss him reaching out to hold his hand. As she just touched him slightly he moved rapidly grabbing her arm in a most painful way. He pressed her against him still holding her arm causing more ache than the ice-cold water. “You hurt me,“ she weeped. Something deep inside her told her that he would never harm her and yet something more that devilish glimmered in his eyes. A tear started to run down her cheek and suddenly she regretted her deed. Petyr still did not relinquish his grip but pulled her closer. “Never do that again,“ he said in a tremendous determent tone. Then he kissed her furiously almost as he wanted to punish her with his kiss. However it did not feel like punishment for Sansa. His lips on hers biting and moving brutishly made her ache for more. She wrapped her legs around him pulling herself as close to him as possible. Her hands ran wildly through his short hair whereas he backed her with his strong arms. Her lips already felt sore and she even tasted a little blood in her mouth. It did not matter. His tongue invading her mouth fiercely made her rub her splayed legs against his breech. Petyr held her even tighter as he crawled with her in his arms through the water pressing her against the edge of the pool. As she pushed her against the hard edge Sansa escaped a distinct moan making him smile deviously. The savage kisses continued and a huge tension was building up inside Sansa. She needed to move, she needed to shout. Rubbing herself harder against him did not bring her enough satisfaction and she ripped open his shirt. Felling his warm skin under her cold hands bewildered her even more. She digged her nails into his trapezius muscle as he started to suck on her neck. She moaned out his name and as she wanted to breath in again he pulled her underwater. For a short moment Sansa was completely in shock. Petyr had acted too unexpectedly that she did not have enough air in her lungs. As she resurfaced again she immediately looked out for him to tell him off. But Petyr was already outside the pool buttoning up his shirt again. “Never do that again,“ she almost screamed still fighting for air. Petyr only gifted her with a malicious smirk. “Enough adventure for the day. Get out of the pool, sweetling.“ 

Sansa did as he told but not because she wanted to obey him but simply because she was cold. He threw a towel at her as she was walking up the stairs out of the pool. Sansa closely wrapped it around her body and watched him taking out another towel out of a wooden cupboard. “Take a seat,“ he said pointing at the loungers next to the pool. Again Sansa did as she was told. “It’s bloody cold out here,“ she grumbled feeling her whole body shaking. “No need to be displeased,“ a replied with a mocking tone this time throwing a thick woolen blanket at her. Then he came closer and Sansa somehow feared he could throw her into the pool again. “I only want to make you warm,“ he said as if he had read her mind trying to convince her that he would not grab her anywhere near the pool again. He pushed some buttons on a remote control and what looked like a huge flat screen embedded in the wall of bricks directly next to her turned out to be an electric fireplace. “You’ll be warm soon,“ he whispered and kissed her softly on the forehead. Sansa smiled as she felt his lips on her skin and everything was forgiven. Sadness spread inside her as she watched him heading inside again, away from her. “Where are you going,?“ she asked in desperation. He turned to her once more. “I’ll make us a cup of tea,“ he grinned, “do you grant me permission?“ Sansa laughed sweetly at his words. “Permission granted.“ 

With a broad smile she leaned back on the lounger taking a look at the stars. It was a starry night and Sansa felt so little again. She snuggled down in her woolen blanket still not able to stop smiling. All the excitement was gone and only utter happiness filled her whole body now. Was she in love? She did not know. The only thing she was certain of was that she felt tremendously unburdened. Petyr made her feel like she could fly, so strong and confident. Sansa averted her gaze from the sky and started to watch the flames dancing beside her. Great weariness suddenly hit her. It had been a long day with too many unplanned turns. Her eyelids became heavier and heavier until they finally dropped. _Just a second. Petyr will wake me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed reading! Please let me know what you think because it helps a lot to figure out where I should go with the two of them (well, I have a plan but you know...knowing what you like makes it easier to write).   
> So now to a story I desperately want to share with you. I spent my last few weeks in Dublin doing a business english course. There was one guy working at the school I attended who was really nice. I talked with him a lot and all of a sudden he told me that he would quit his job at the school because he would start to shoot Vikings in a few days (yes, Vikings the series). I was totally blown away and asked how he got such an awesome job. He told me that his best friend organised the job for him and now wait for it: He told me that his best friend was the nephew of Aidan Gillen!!! Well, I had to admit that I was freaking out a little because I had been speaking to someone who knew someone who was related to Aidan Gillen. But the best is yet to come. Two days later the guy who worked at the school told me that he had met Aidan Gillen the day before and had told him of me (well I had been totally freaking out the moment I heard his best friend was the nephew of Aidan and I bet he had been only laughing at me). Anyway, Aidan had told the guy who worked at the school to say hello to me from him. I was literally about to die....I mean Aidan Gillen said hello to me!!! I still can't deal with it!!


	11. the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys! I know it has been a loooooong time and I'm deeply sorry for it! I have been thinking of continuing this ff since forever and somehow I never managed to write a new chapter (cheers to my life). However, here is a new very short chapter because I really missed writing this story and forgot about how much fun this actually is. I hope you enjoy this new chapter and sorry that is very short but I first have to get into the flow again.

The strong scent of coffee woke her. _Where am I?_ The sheets didn’t smell like her sheets, the pillow did not sink as easily as her pillow as she moved her head. “You better hurry. I have to get to work.“ Petyr’s voice made Sansa open her eyes in panic. She beheld him only wearing black suit trousers calmly looking for a shirt in his huge mahogany wardrobe. Her pupils dilated and her breath quickened. “What the….,“ she gave out a shout and sat up. In horror she noticed that she was not wearing her clothes but only an oversized shirt.“What happened?“ The last thing that Sansa remembered was herself lying in the lounger on the balcony felling warm and happy. “You fell asleep,“ Petyr plainly said. He seemed to have found a shirt of his liking and turned around so Sansa could see him undressed down to his belt. If she had not been so shocked about the whole situation she could have focused more on his abdominal muscles. And yet she just could not prevent glancing at his naked skin. “Why didn’t you wake me,“ Sansa tried to get everything straight, „why the hell….oh my god. We didn’t…did you?“ Her confusion seemed to amuse him. He buttoned up his shirt with a broad smirk and took a seat at the edge of the bed so he could stroke Sansa’s shoulder. “I slept on the couch. No need to worry, sweetling.“ He placed a soft kiss on her shoulder which let Sansa’s whole body prickle. “But why didn’t you just wake me,?“ she asked silently. His touch made her forgive him anything and she was no longer angry with him. “You slept so peacefully,“ he said with his husky voice starting to play with the ends of her hair, “if I had woken you the faint smile on your face would have faded.“ His words made Sansa giggle sweetly and she went red again. Her eyes were pointed downwards and Petyr made her look at him by laying two of his fingers under her chin. “No one will ever repel you with that smile on your face.“ His voice has turned into a deep whisper now and Sansa had to admit that it made her want to feel his lips on hers again. As if he was reading her mind he gifted her with a soft light kiss. After his lips had left hers, Sansa kept her eyes closed in hope for more kisses but she only heard a chuckle coming out of his mouth. “Don’t be greedy,“ he just replied in a mocking tone getting up again. Sansa just could not take his eyes of him. He seemed so elegant and forceful at the same time while he was looking at himself in the mirror fixing his jacket. Somehow she was happy that he had not woken her and a smile escaped her lips. Petyr caught her doing so by looking though the mirror and Sansa blushed a little. Was she acted too girly? Probably. And yet she couldn’t control her feelings towards him. Every time he looked at her she only wanted to drown in his dark eyes only to get lost with him and forget about the outer world. Did he feel the same? Sansa knew that he liked her. The way he treated her, the way he slightly quavered when she glanced at him with abandon. There must have been something rather exciting about her that was for sure. 

Sansa decided to get up and hugged him from behind while he was managing his tie. At first Petyr did not seem to care and only focused on his hands handling the silk around his neck. Sansa laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes enjoying his immediate proximity. All of a sudden Petyr had her face in his hands and as Sansa opened her eyes again his face was so near that she could spot all the wrinkles on his face. For the first time Petyr appeared as old as he must have been, around the the age of the mother, but Sansa surprisingly did not care at all. On the contrary she liked him even better. Somehow he managed to make her happy and when she looked at him she forgot about the whole world around. She could have stayed there with him holding her tight all day long, but Petyr slowly let go of her. “Get dressed sweetling,“ he said dryly, “I hate being late.“ His face didn’t move while his eyes were still fixed on her. Sansa knew that he was a very busy man and she didn’t want to upset him. Sansa looked around the room tried to find her cloth somewhere whereas she could have just asked. “There,“ Petyr smiled internally pointing at her folded cloth on the bedside table. As Sansa took them she felt that her shirt was kind of stiff. “Did you wash my clothes,?“ Sansa asked a little puzzled. “I did,“ Petyr said examining himself in the mirror. He was no fully dressed and he looked so handsome in his suit and his perfectly set hair. Sansa escaped a smile as she watched him fixing a few grey skeins. “Thanks,“ she nearly whispered and kept on smiling due to the fact that he washed her clothes. “No worries, sweetling,“ Petyr answered like a real business man, knowing that he has done great work but not really caring. He now turned away from the mirror to the door. “I leave you to it then,“ he said half way through the door not bothering to look at her, “such a shame though.“ The last words came out of his mouth with a slight smirk on his face before he closed the door behind him. 

Sansa almost stared to laugh out loud. He wanted her and that the fact that he wanted her made her happy. She liked the way he was acting so gentlemanly, sleeping on the couch and leaving the room when she wanted to change. However, Sansa knew that Petyr wasn’t the kind of man who would actually let such possibilities slip through his fingers. He would normally want to fuck the woman lying in his bed and watch her taking her cloth off. Everything gentle he did, he did it for her and for her only. Sansa noticed the craving in his eyes but he respected her virtue. Sansa blushed. That man respected her and she has never thought that being respected could feel that good.

 

* * *

 

“Can I have two McMuffins, an americano and a caramel latte please,“ Petyr ordered though the speaker and then just followed the car queue. “Is McDonalds always your first choice for breakfast,“ Sansa asked. As he told her that they would grab breakfast she didn’t expect him to do the McDrive thing. It just didn’t fit the Jaguar and the Tom Ford glasses. “It isn’t,“ he plainly said, “but there is nothing better than a McMuffin for breakfast.“ Sansa laughed at his words. This man was a legend. So cool and elegant but somehow one still sensed that he wasn’t born rich. For a moment they just sat there in the car waiting till it would be their turn to be handed the order Petyr just made. Sansa looked out of the window and saw a bunch of girls eating burgers while sitting on the kerb. They must have had a wild night Sansa assumed based on the state of their make up and hair. Sometimes Sansa missed getting out and drinking and dancing till the next morning came. One girl must have noticed her staring and nodded in Sansa’s direction and drove the other girls attention also to Sansa. At least Petyr had forced her to wear sun glasses and a baseball cap. She thought it a little excessive but in the end she knew that a disguise was sensible. Petyr was the new CEO of Vale Asset and even worse her finance professor. If anyone would see them both driving around the city this could possibly cost him his job. As all of the girls sitting on the street looked at her examining the car, Sansa turned away looking at Petyr who was breathing calmly, his hands wrapped softly around the steering wheel. “Aren’t you afraid,“ Sansa asked him. She wasn’t concerned or anxious, she simply wanted to know what he thought. A slight smile escaped his lips. “Two McMuffins, americano and caramel latte,“ the McDonalds staff member said and handed a filled paper bag to Petyr. Petyr just nodded at him in a thankful manner and then passed the bag along to Sansa. Then he engaged the first gear and drove out of the driveway. 

 

“Go ahead,“ Petyr said after a while and opened his hand in demand for a McMuffin. Sansa opened the McDonalds bag and fetched a McMuffin and handed it to Petyr. “Thank you sweetling,“ he smiled andtook a big bite of his McMuffin. Sansa could have kept on watching him eating. It looked kind of paradox seeing the man in these expensive clothes having a McDonalds breakfast. _Don’t stare,_ she told herself and grabbed for her caramel latte. “I am,“ Petyr stated all of a sudden. Sansa glanced at him in confusion till she understood he finally gave her an answer to her question. Sansa was astonished that he was so honest with her and took a sip of her latte. She didn’t even know what to say now. He was afraid and she was as well. It was a strange situation for her. Actually being afraid meant danger that one only wanted to escape from but somehow this time Sansa wanted to head towards the danger.“But we all take risks in life, don’t we“ he said now with a more preceptive tone. Sansa smiled in her cup of coffee. He was bent on taking the risk to be with her. She fetched her McMuffin and Petyr’s coffee out of the bag and creased it up. Petyr finished his McMuffin and gladly took the coffeeout of Sansa's hand so she was able to start eating. To be honest Sansa didn’t like the breakfast that McDonalds offered but what other choice did she have. “Satisfied,?“ Petyr asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well,“ Sansa replied ,“I prefer having a cheese burger for breakfast.“ Petyr was stunned by her answer but managed to twirl his lips up to a smile that reached his eyes. “Fair enough,“he laughed out silently. Sansa was drunk with bliss as she noticed him cracking an honest smile and started to giggle to herself. And so they both glanced at each other shortly with a smile on their faces before Petyr had to look down the road again. Sansa opened her mouth to somehow let him know how happy she was but before she was able to form words she felt her phone vibrating in the pocket of her leather jacket. _Fuck this must be mum._ She had totally forgotten about the fact that she had gotten back to no member of her family that she wouldn’t be home for the night. _I should have called mum yesterday and should have come up with some stupid story. Gosh she’ll be furious._ As Sansa saw that it was indeed her mother calling, she took a deep breath and answered the phone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. Please let me know what you think, since a comment about a month ago really motivated me start writing again. I value all your comments and really appreciate it if you made it up to here! Thanks a million!


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